I’m writing this on my phone…. That’s how much this means to me. I’m going to make this quick, because I’m sure you’re dealing with a lot of prayers right now.
We both know this is my only shot at having more money than I know what to do with. I know everybody probably says this, but I totally mean it: I’m going to do a lot of
good with this money. We’re talking poor kids, we’re talking homeless people, we’re talking parties where nobody had to BYOB…. I’m at my second job, Lord. I’m getting old. My feet are already sore, and we both know about the chafing. Please God…. I’ll never ask for another thing.
Well…. One more thing: Please don’t let anyone else win other than me. $600 million is not enough to split.
Thank you in advance,
There is no God.
Just kidding, of course. Well, as you already know, God (as evidenced by the fact that I ate peanut butter and pickle sandwiches for dinner tonight), I sure didn’t win the Powerball. I’m sure this dude in Florida is way more deserving than I am…. Though it seems hard to imagine. Probably one of those jack asses who never swears. It does say a lot about me, though, that even though my chances are always 1 in 175,000,000, I only find it worth playing when the jackpot gets up over $200,000,000. I mean, if I took the lump sum, it would still only be just over $50,000,000 after taxes…. and that’s almost more hassle than it’s worth. So much for that whole “Tell the mountain to throw itself into the sea” thing, am I right? I kid, I kid….
Anyway, I’m a little bit disappointed, but I’ll get over it. Plus, I don’t want to get TOO mad at you because the jackpot for this coming Wednesday is already $40 million…. And I don’t want to burn any bridges. Keep up the good work, God.
p.s. And to all the people I bribed with $10,000 to share this post, I know you were all rooting for me (us) to win, but please don’t blame God for me not winning. It’s not his fault. It was probably because of some crap I did in middle school. Stupid adolescence….