Being a mega-church pastor is a very demanding job. With all those fundraisers, and book tours, and real estate deals…. Sometimes it seems like it’s almost impossible to find time to get on TV to ask people for money, let us know about their new book, and start a new capital campaign. These guys have so much to worry about! The LAST thing these men of God need to be worrying about is getting to the airport early and trying to find a seat on a commercial flight with the rest of those reprobates in first class…. Or–God forbid–even trying to wedge yourself in between a couple of runny-nosed schlubs in COACH. Lord knows the only “Coach” in the life of a mega-church pastor is his wife’s handbag….
Some of you may have already heard about Creflo Dollar, the pastor of Atlanta’s giant World Changers Church International, asking for financial help to “achieve our goal to purchase the Gulfstream G650 airplane.” The G650 goes for a cool $65 million, but don’t worry–If a Church buys it, they don’t have to pay any tax on it. The G650 happens to be the same model of luxury private jet that Bill Johnson, pastor of Redding California’s Bethel Church, was “believing God for.” It’s a nice jet–WAY better than those crappy $18 million Learjets that are barely fit for those Scientologist hobos Travolta and Cruise to fly. God’s men deserve only the very best. And after 200,000 people commit to “sow” $300 or more, Pastor Dollar will finally be flying in the style he–and Jesus–deserves.
Here are some ways that a $65 million jet can be used by a pastor to further the Kingdom of God:
- He can finally have a straight flight to bring medical supplies to Africa without having to lay over in Tampa.
- It doubles as a nice, quiet place to read the Bible.
- He and his wife can finally enter the Mile-High-Club on a king-sized mattress as God intended, and not some cramped, stinky bathroom. #MissionaryPosition
- Two words: FULL BAR! And the cool thing is that the wine in the airplane bar can be used in a pinch for Communion….
- The seats have really nice night lights, so you can do devotions at night.
- The prisoners he visits will be hella impressed.
- Ample cargo space can be filled with food for the homeless folks who might live near the airport. And the money they saved on the religious tax exemption can be used to start a soup kitchen to feed the poor.
- Able to have fun buzzing the tower with his associate pastor, Goose (Negative, Holy Ghost Rider, the pattern is full).
- His $5000 suits won’t come out of all wrinkly, like they do when you have to check your luggage like the commoners.
- Can finally prove, once and for all, that God blesses the faithful with great riches.
He works in mysterious ways, you guys…. If you have more good ideas for things that belong on this list, please post them in the comments.