Top 10 Things a Pastor Can Do With His New Gulfstream Jet

All things are possible with God. And one of those possible things is a pastor driving around in a Bentley.

All things are possible with God. And one of those possible things is a pastor driving around in a Bentley.

Being a mega-church pastor is a very demanding job. With all those fundraisers, and book tours, and real estate deals…. Sometimes it seems like it’s almost impossible to find time to get on TV to ask people for money, let us know about their new book, and start a new capital campaign. These guys have so much to worry about! The LAST thing these men of God need to be worrying about is getting to the airport early and trying to find a seat on a commercial flight with the rest of those reprobates in first class…. Or–God forbid–even trying to wedge yourself in between a couple of runny-nosed schlubs in COACH. Lord knows the only “Coach” in the life of a mega-church pastor is his wife’s handbag….

This is a picture of the Gulfstream G650. I happened to get this particular photo off Pastor Bill Johnson's Facebook Page.... But whatever.

This is a picture of the Gulfstream G650. I happened to get this particular photo off Pastor Bill Johnson’s Facebook Page…. But whatever.

Some of you may have already heard about Creflo Dollar, the pastor of Atlanta’s giant World Changers Church International, asking for financial help to “achieve our goal to purchase the Gulfstream G650 airplane.” The G650 goes for a cool $65 million, but don’t worry–If a Church buys it, they don’t have to pay any tax on it. The G650 happens to be the same model of luxury private jet that Bill Johnson, pastor of Redding California’s Bethel Church, was “believing God for.” It’s a nice jet–WAY better than those crappy $18 million Learjets that are barely fit for those Scientologist hobos Travolta and Cruise to fly. God’s men deserve only the very best. And after 200,000 people commit to “sow” $300 or more, Pastor Dollar will finally be flying in the style he–and Jesus–deserves.

Here are some ways that a $65 million jet can be used by a pastor to further the Kingdom of God: 

  1. He can finally have a straight flight to bring medical supplies to Africa without having to lay over in Tampa.
  2. It doubles as a nice, quiet place to read the Bible.
  3. He and his wife can finally enter the Mile-High-Club on a king-sized mattress as God intended, and not some cramped, stinky bathroom. #MissionaryPosition
  4. Two words: FULL BAR! And the cool thing is that the wine in the airplane bar can be used in a pinch for Communion….
  5. The seats have really nice night lights, so you can do devotions at night.
  6. The prisoners he visits will be hella impressed.
  7. Ample cargo space can be filled with food for the homeless folks who might live near the airport. And the money they saved on the religious tax exemption can be used to start a soup kitchen to feed the poor.
  8. Able to have fun buzzing the tower with his associate pastor, Goose (Negative, Holy Ghost Rider, the pattern is full).
  9. His $5000 suits won’t come out of all wrinkly, like they do when you have to check your luggage like the commoners.
  10. Can finally prove, once and for all, that God blesses the faithful with great riches.

He works in mysterious ways, you guys…. If you have more good ideas for things that belong on this list, please post them in the comments.

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11 Responses to Top 10 Things a Pastor Can Do With His New Gulfstream Jet

  1. VB says:

    Three words: DIS…GUST…ING.

  2. fraochjean says:

    His last name is Dollar? Seriously? I will never understand how decent people are always taken in by these greedy, soulless sleazeballs whose actions are more similar to their devil than their god. I’m not religious at all and I admit I’ve been guilty of viewing most Christians with disdain because of how judgmental and unchristianlike they usually are, but you, sir, and your blog give me hope that there are still multitudes of true Christians out there. Thank you.

  3. There are so many things that can be done with 65 million dollars for peope who are in need. very sad.

  4. lethally says:

    I cannot BELIEVE that anyone would ever give money to fraudsters like this guy. I mean, really?

    But then, I’ve a friend who would just say that it’s a “stupidity tax”…if you’re stupid enough to send money to the guy, it’s a tax for being that stupid…can’t help thinking he (and Phineas “There’s a sucker born every minute” T Barnum) might be right 😦

  5. Shelly says:

    For what it’s “worth”, check out his bio on Wikipedia. Stellar….NOT!

  6. Jan toraason says:

    This reads like an article out of the Onion.

  7. Gil Gonzalez says:

    11. The caviar and Kobe steak are a nice upgrade from a bag of peanuts, and they don’t come in hard to open foil pouches.

    Also …. A) Excellent Top Gun reference, and B) you say layover in Tampa as if it’s a bad thing. Our airport rocks!

  8. Joann says:

    In the 70s when he was a preacher in rural south Georgia, I used to watch him now and again. Before he got the mega church, with seminars going at the World Congress Center, or his wife having a women’s retreat at the Atlanta Stadium, he was well poken, fastidious in dress, and he knew his Bible. He could unravel various Biblical conundroms and make the mystical make sense. Once he moved up to Camp Creek Parkway (or Washington Rd.) Not totally positive which one, but I could actually drive a hour or so to go to his church. Here is the thing: he is not likely to be there, because he is giving some $1000 seminar to 200 guys in a plush confrence center in Milwalkee. He probably has a bunch of assistants who fill in when he is elsewhere. There was a time when he at least projected a man with integrity. That man is long gone. Long gone.

  9. kathy says:

    Greedy, dishonest, and doesn’t give a damn about helping those in need. That’s Creflo Dollar. The guy should be in prison.

  10. Bob Friday says:

    We all have to make a living. His followers are happy then I’m happy. Life is good. All the churches have a good living for the leaders; Look at the Pope.

  11. Miguel says:

    From Bolivia with love,Got bless to the pastor Clefo with more jets and Billons dollars.

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