“I am a worse person than I used to be.” Those are the words I said to my oldest child while driving him back to college today. It’s true. I am. Briefly before I said those words, I asked him if he had seen what trümp had posted about Robert Mueller yesterday. He hadn’t. So I pulled out my phone and showed him this image:
He wasn’t surprised… Not in the least. Think about that for a moment: This generation of young people has come to EXPECT this sort of thing from the President of the United States. My kid didn’t know who Robert Mueller was. Maybe you don’t know either… So here’s a little bit about him:
Robert Mueller was born in 1944. He was the oldest of 5 siblings, with 4 sisters. He met his future wife, Ann Cabell Standish, when they were in high school. Robert and Ann were married in 1966, and stayed together for 60 years until he died from Parkinson’s on March 20 at age 81. They have 2 daughters & 3 grandchildren. In 1967, one of Bob’s good friends/lacrosse teammates at Princeton was killed in the Vietnam War, and—inspired by his friend’s service & sacrifice, and after waiting for his knee injury to heal—he decided to train as a Ranger & enlist in the Marines. He left his new wife behind, went through officer training, and by 1968, was serving in Vietnam. Late in 1968, Mueller was awarded a Bronze Star with a “V” device for valor after he—under enemy fire, and in an ambush where HALF of his platoon became casualties—bravely rescued a wounded Marine. He also received a Purple Heart after getting shot in the thigh in April of 1969. After healing, he returned to lead his platoon until June of 1969. He left active duty service in 1970 as a Captain. He was inducted into the Ranger Hall of Fame in 2004.
After the war, he got his JD from the University of Virginia School of Law. Over the years, he spent some time working for private firm, but spent most of his time in public service, rising through the ranks of the United States Attorney’s Office and the Department of Justice. In 2001, George W. Bush nominated him as FBI Director, and he was voted in 98-0. Mueller was a lifelong republican, but he was so well-respected that Barack Obama asked him to continue as Director. He also served under presidents George H. W. Bush and Bill Clinton. In 2004, when members of Bush’s White House tried to push through warrantless wiretapping that the Department of Justice had ruled as unconstitutional, Mueller (along with John Ashcroft and James Comey) threatened to resign in protest. Everyone in government KNEW Robert Mueller had earned his reputation for honesty & integrity, so when they needed an independent council to investigate Russian interference in the 2016 election, Mueller was the obvious choice for Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein (who trümp had nominated after he fired James Comey as Attorney General in trümp’s continued purge of all government employees who had a shred of courage, character, or integrity). By the end of the investigation, many of trümp’s allies and campaign staff had been charged with crimes and lying in their testimonies. Even though Bill Barr said the Mueller Report exonerated trümp, Mueller himself said, “while this report does not conclude that the President committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him.” Though the report made it clear that trümp had committed obstruction of justice, Mueller said, “under long-standing Department policy, a president cannot be charged with a crime while he is in office.” Trümp went from calling the Report a “total exoneration” to calling it “total bullshit.” And this is the meat of the never-healing injury to trümp’s fragile little narcissistic void-in-his-chest-where-a-heart-should-be that led him to celebrate the death of yet another American Hero.
Now, before I continue and explain how I am a worse person than I used to be… If you would, please reread those last two paragraphs, but this time while reading—at the front of your mind—consider how the life of Robert Mueller is, in just about every conceivable way, completely antithetical to the pathetic, dishonorable life of donald j. trümp. Every single thing about Bob Mueller—his fidelity & faithfulness… his bravery & valor… his honesty & integrity… his commitment to service & justice—Every detail of his life exposes & displays the shame of a broken, old, delusional coward who still searches for the approval of both a father & a mirror that can only offer disappointment. No wonder he celebrates Robert Mueller’s death… Every honorable life reveals his corruption. Every honest man declares his deceit. Every faithful husband announces his adultery. Every act of kindness uncovers his cruelty. Every courageous breath confesses his cowardice.
Anyway… back to the car ride. After showing my son the shameful words our national embarrassment posted about Bob Mueller, I told him that I was writing a blog post that was tentatively titled, “If trümp Got Charlie Kirk’d On Video, I’d Watch It So Many Times My Phone Would Catch Fire.” And honestly, that title was me holding back. Reading his post filled me with such a mix of disgust & anger & horror, that I just wanted to respond to that act of obscenity in kind, you know? I wanted to be obscene. It sometimes seems so absurd to try to be civil in the face of such blatant disregard for civility. I reminisced on attempts at enemy-loving, non-violent posts I had written in the past… Like “A Love Letter To Fred Phelps,” “God Loves Hamas,” “Bury The Boston Bomber In My Backyard,” or “Three Reasons We Shouldn’t Kill Dylann Roof.” I’m so disappointed in myself that someone as dumb as trümp has made me all-but-abandon my once cherished nonviolence. Here is a post from Shane Claiborne, who is a way more loving person than I am:
That’s just not me anymore. I admit it. If you search on social media, you can find people talking about “When it happens” or “When it finally happens” (where people talk about how they are going to react to the long-awaited final collapse of the festering cancer that sits in the White House), and I admit I’m now the sort of person who enjoys taking those in. I don’t think that anyone should harm him… but I can tell you that if a lifetime of McDonalds. shitty overcooked steaks, & Diet Cokes catch up to him and his bloated body doesn’t wake up tomorrow, I will not be shedding any tears. The only tragic thing about his death will be that he will not be able to hear the honking of horns and cheers that will fill the streets. He will not see the multitudes of strangers hugging each other—Yes, maybe some in celebration, but not necessarily. Maybe cheering in relief… Sighing & smiling, as if our souls collectively passed a stone.
Listen, should we not be saying things like this? I mean, when yet another young, right wing white man decided to take a gun and kill someone, and he decided point his gun at Charlie Kirk—astonishingly managing to NOT shoot him in the gums—a whole bunch of people got fired just for posting Charlie’s OWN WORDS… you know, those quotes like when Charlie said, “I think it’s worth it. It’s worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God given rights. That’s a prudent deal. It is rational.” And then, after posting his own words, folks got accused of “celebrating his death.” Even though just about every post I saw that pointed out the irony of his previous comments also prefaced itself with something about how “violence is never the answer.” And then—when people had the audacity to demand empathy because they falsely claimed his kids watched him die—if you posted Kirk’s own quotes criticizing empathy, that would make them REALLY mad. So mad that the people who claim to have hated “cancel culture” made such a fuss that over 600 PEOPLE were fired or punished for posting things critical of CK after he died. Y’all remember that?? Do you remember when JD vance said, “The First Amendment protects a lot of very ugly speech but if you celebrate … Charlie Kirk’s death, you should not be protected from being fired for being a disgusting person.”
And to even point out the hypocrisy to them is pointless. The hypocrisy is a flex… Like, “I’m so powerful that I don’t even have to be consistent. And if anyone points out my hypocrisy, I can just say ‘TDS’ or ‘FAKE NEWS’ or any other strategic DARVO.” It doesn’t matter. People will say, “This is low, even for him.” But who cares? Every day is a new low… And it’s often so low that we forget the PREVIOUS record. People are always like “This is beneath the office of the presidency.” Yeah? Not anymore, it’s not. The presidency is eternally tarnished. Like if someone took a shit in your cereal bowl… There is no amount of scrubbing that is going to make you feel okay about using it again. You just need to throw it away. This isn’t even the first time he has decided to publicly dance on someone’s grave. It JUST happened… You can’t even remember who it was, can you. It happens all the time. And if he isn’t shitting on a dead person’s memory, he’s at LEAST making their death about himself.
A part of me that I’m not proud of is thankful for this recent act of cruelty. I was thinking that when it finally happens, I was going to need to keep my high fives to a minimum and my revelry muted… But now I can just show them the example set by their orange messiah. Listen—I know I’m getting it wrong. It just feels like, at this point, I don’t have a whole lot of other options available. And it’s nothing as noble as Bonhoeffer. It’s just my own brokenness. Oh, the weight of this cynicism… If it turns out that—when we die—God lovingly lets us know where we got it wrong, I’m pretty sure this will be one of those places. Who knows… Perhaps, on that day, God will reveal to me the lifetime of abuse & neglect a young donald had to endure. Perhaps God will show me all the ways I was loved & cared for & experienced compassion as a child, and then compare all those advantages with the ways an unloved boy was broken beyond repair. Perhaps, on that day, I’ll be moved to repentance for looking forward to the day when we no longer have to endure his enmity. Perhaps these many years of bearing his constant cruelty are breaking me like he was broken. Perhaps…
At the same time, what kind of God would fault a bruised wife for smiling a bit when her abusive husband’s heart gives out. And comparatively, what abuse have I—a straight white man—even been forced to endure? What about the thousands of sexist humiliations? What about the thousands of dehumanizing acts of racism? Jesus, what about all those young girls and grown women he has violently forced himself on over the decades? They’ve all got way more reasons to celebrate than I do… I mean, sure: Proverbs 24:17 says, “Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove.” Then again, Proverbs 11:10 says, “When the righteous prosper, the city rejoices; when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy.” And trümp is about as wicked as they come.
Yeah, I don’t know what to tell you… I’m going to be honking my horn all day.
Thank you for reading. Also I want to thank the sweet, loving, good people in my life who challenge my anger & cynicism, and who challenge ME when my frustrated, deflecting attempts at humor in these dystopian times border on carelessness or even cruelty. What would we do without the good people around us who remind us that there is a better way? I’m very thankful. Ways to support my writing are as follows: Becoming a PATRON, leaving a TIP ON PAYPAL or Venmoing at chris-boeskool… Following along on FACEBOOK or on BLUESKY... Or just sharing what I write with the people in you life.
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