An Innocent Man Has Been In Prison For 24 Years… You Can Help Him

Imagine, for a moment, being falsely accused of a crime. A BIG crime… Murder. Imagine being 18 years old, and being arrested for a crime you didn’t commit. Imagine the prosecutor offering you a plea deal to possibly get you out of prison in 25 years or so if you just admit to killing a man you didn’t kill, but telling you that if you plead Not Guilty, you’ll go to prison for the rest of your life. Imagine being a poor, black kid who can’t afford a good lawyer… so you get assigned a public defender who is working on his first murder case. Imagine thinking that there’s no way you could be found guilty for something you didn’t do… And then, as the trial goes one, being not so sure. And then imagine hearing that word… “Guilty.” Followed by a word which–until that moment–had always been a word you had loved… “Life.”


This is Cyrus Wilson and his family.

For a man named CYRUS WILSON, this situation was not at all imaginary. It happened… And it is STILL happening, as 24 years later, he is still sitting in a prison cell for a crime he didn’t commit. Here is the timeline of the case:

July 20, 1992–Cyrus Wilson is robbed at gunpoint by Christopher “Crip” Luckett. His car is stolen and stripped of its rims, tires, and stereo. Cyrus tells a police officer about the robbery, but is told that since he is a minor, he can’t press charges. His mother doesn’t press charges either. After the car was found a few days later, it was towed to his aunt’s house in North Nashville… Inoperable. It never got fixed.

September 15, 1992–The body of Christopher Luckett is found near the Edgehill housing projects in South Nashville under a chainlink fence, shot in the face with a shotgun. Police question juveniles in the area, and Rodriguez Lee (who was 16 at the time) gives them conflicting testimonies. He says that he saw Cryus and his best friend Benji pull up in Cyrus’ car, pull a shotgun out of his trunk, and chase down and kill “Crip” Luckett… Despite the fact that Cyrus’ car was unable to be driven… And despite the fact that Benji was in a Juvenile Detention Center on the night of the murder. Even though the detectives realized Rodriguez Lee’s story couldn’t possibly have been true, they continued focusing their investigation on Cyrus because of what happened with Luckett stealing his car.

When they interviewed Lee later, this time he said he was with Cyrus and Rashime Williams (Cyrus’ 17 year old cousin), and they chased Luckett down together, and that Cyrus was the one who killed him. Rashime is pressured into testifying against his cousin under fear of going to prison himself. You can read many more details RIGHT HERE.

September 18, 1992–Five days after his 18th birthday, Cyrus Wilson is arrested for criminal homicide. He waives his right to have an attorney present during questioning, because he felt like he didn’t need one if he’s innocent. There is no forensic or scientific evidence against Cyrus, but they build a case based on the testimony of Rodriguez Lee, Rashime Williams, and a person named Marquis Harris, who testified that he witnessed the murder from a window at his house (even though it was later proven he could not have seen the crime scene from his window). Cyrus Wilson spends a year and a half in jail waiting for the trial to begin…

January 31, 1994–Cyrus Wilson’s trial begins. He is assigned a public defender, who is defending his first murder case. At the trial, Rodriguez Lee testifies that he never saw Cyrus on the night of the murder… They clear the courtroom, and the prosecuting attorney tells him that he is close to perjuring himself. When the jury returns, Lee returns to the agreed-upon story of seeing Cyrus shoot Luckett with a shotgun he was given by Lee.

February 1, 1994–Cyrus Wilson is sentenced to life in prison. He is still there today. He has always maintained his innocence…


Imagine this was your brother… Your father… Your friend.

And even though the trial ended, the quest for justice has not. In 2008, Wilson’s family got their hands on a signed note written by the prosecuting attorney that admitted to the fact that the witnesses were unreliable. It said, “Good case but for most of Ws (shorthand for witnesses) are juveniles who have already lied repeatedly.” The family tried to use the note to get Cyrus a new trial, but in 2012 the Tennessee Supreme Court ruled that the note wasn’t admissible as evidence, and wasn’t enough to grant him a new trial. After that ruling, both Rodriguez Lee AND Rashime Williams have signed sworn affidavits saying that they lied in their testimony about Cyrus Wilson. You can see copies of their affidavits HERE. In addition, Marquis Harris wrote a letter to the family apologizing for his role in Cyrus Wilson’s wrongful conviction. To top it all off, a forensic scientist has testified and found that the shotgun shells found at the scene of the murder DO NOT match the ballistics of the shotgun to which Cyrus Wilson had access… Information that was not made available to the jury at the time of the trial. <–And that right there is a sentence that I want to end with about 100 exclamation points. You can see the forensic report RIGHT HERE.

So let me summarize:

  1. Cyrus Wilson was convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison–with NO physical evidence connecting him to the murder other than the testimony of juveniles who had lied many times before, and whom the prosecuting attorney admitted were unreliable witnesses.
  2. Both of the main witnesses have signed sworn affidavits saying that they lied about their testimonies in the case, and that they were PRESSURED into testifying against Cyrus Wilson for fear of being blamed for the murders themselves.
  3. Ballistics tests on the shotgun shells found at the murder scene show conclusively that the shells were NOT fired from the shotgun to which Cyrus Wilson had access.
  4. Cyrus Wilson has been incarcerated for over 24 years of his life, convicted of a crime he did not commit.

If your reaction is anything like mine, you’re probably thinking, “There is no way… That can’t POSSIBLY be true!” That’s what I thought too, because we want to believe we are living in a just society. But our society is only as Just as we DEMAND that it be. If people want to argue that these facts don’t necessitate setting him free, fine… Argue that. But at least–AT THE VERY LEAST–these facts necessitate him getting a new trial.

So what can we do?

Please listen… If you’re anything like me, this election has left you with a renewed sense of how nearly impossible it is to change things. I have dreams of changing the world, but in reality I can’t even change the mind of some dip stick on Facebook who thinks that Snopes is part of a vast, liberal conspiracy. We can try to encourage people to vote for honest, competent people of integrity… But in the end, my vote counts the same as a vote of the lady who thinks that man-made global climate change is a lie invented by Obama and his Muslim friends to take our attention away from how vaccines cause autism. There are problems that are too big for any one of us to solve… Probably too big even for a whole lot of us working together to solve in one lifetime. We can work against systemic racism. We can struggle against sexism. We can speak up for equal rights. We can fight against the injustice of our criminal “justice” system. We can speak out against a broken and archaic religious theology that paints God as a monster who is going to have the vast majority of the human race tortured for all eternity. We can stand up for the rights of the poor, and aspire to end the drastic economic inequality in the world. But none of these problems are going away… At least not any time soon. 


Cyrus and his daughter. You can help get an innocent man out of prison.

But here is one thing we CAN change: We can make a hell of a lot of noise about a man spending nearly a quarter of a century in prison for a crime he DIDN’T commit. I had never heard anything about this case before… until last week a friend mentioned it while talking with our Church about racism. And I’m betting most of you haven’t heard about it either. I called the office of Glenn Funk, the Davidson County District Attorney, to ask what they are doing about this clear injustice. A nice enough guy named Ken Whitehouse (who handles media relations) told me that they are reviewing a number of cases. I asked if there was any idea how long that process might take, and he said he didn’t know. I asked if public pressure had any effect on that process, and he assured me that they carefully review all the cases and that they don’t want an innocent man behind bars. I want to assume that is true, but if Cyrus Wilson has been wrongly imprisoned for his entire adult life, there is probably going to be a significant financial settlement involved in trying to make that right… And there are probably some pretty powerful people who don’t want that to happen. But I believe that if we make enough noise about this, it will be impossible for them to ignore any longer.

It is easy right now to let myself feel cynical and hopeless. But there is a man sitting in prison for a crime he didn’t commit. He has a family. He has been there for 8800 days, and every extra day he spends in prison is one day WAY too many. So please–PLEASE help me spread the word. Share this post. If you are on Twitter, you can tag Glenn Funk () and demand that he reopen the case. Give the Davidson County D.A.‘s  office a telephone call. Their number is (615) 862-5500. Call them up and ask them how many days are too many for an innocent man to be sitting in a jail cell. People started a petition a couple years ago, but only 712 people signed it… I KNOW there are more than 712 people out there who care about an innocent man rotting away in Riverbend Prison for doing nothing more than being poor and black. Tell people about Cyrus Wilson’s story. Let it make you angry… and let that anger spur you into action. Share this. Like “FreeCyrusWilson” on Facebook. Make some noise. Especially if you live in Middle Tennessee, but even if you live in another state… We might not be able to change the world, but we can change the world for one person.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Posted in 2) Politics, 5) Not Quite Sure | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Trump Looked At A Little Girl And Said, “I’m Going To Be Dating Her In Ten Years.” Here’s The Video.

Okay. Listen… This is just getting too ridiculous. They just released video of Donald Trump speaking to a little girl on an escalator. He says to the little girl, “Are you going to be going up the escalator?” She answers, “Yeah.” And he says, I’m going to be dating her in ten years. Can you believe it?” Here is the video…

Now… I’m not going to tell you about how I have daughters myself… I’m not going to ask you to imagine him saying something like this to one of YOUR daughters… Or your sister… Or your whoever… You don’t need to be related to a young girl to understand that this sort of thing is inexcusable. It is gross on every level… Whether you know little girls, or not. Just listen to her voice… Listen to the sound of her saying “Yeah” to a 46 year old man, and then listen his response, and ask yourself: “What kind of man is this?” What kind of man says something like this to a little girl? In what universe is this funny?


Little did young Kevin realize, the “Wet Bandits” were far from the most dangerous characters he would meet in his time spent Home Alone… Here we see Donald pointing to a really hot eleven-year-old he saw in the lobby.

Trump supporters: Seriously… It’s time to abandon ship. And here’s why: I guarantee you this is not as bad as it’s going to get. This is not the worst piece of audio that they are going to release… Not by a long shot. It’s going to keep coming, and you need to pull the rip cord earlier rather than later. I don’t care whether you call yourself a Christian or not… Abandon ship! It doesn’t take being a religious person to realize that this stuff is completely beyond the pale. It’s only going to get worse from here on out. Don’t be like Jerry Falwell, Jr. (pulling the BS “We’re all sinners” defense), trying to defend the indefensible, and ruining any chance of an honorable legacy. Be like the students and staff of Liberty University, who wrote this amazing letter:

“In the months since Jerry Falwell Jr. endorsed him, Donald Trump has been inexorably associated with Liberty University. We are Liberty students who are disappointed with President Falwell’s endorsement and are tired of being associated with one of the worst presidential candidates in American history. Donald Trump does not represent our values and we want nothing to do with him.

A majority of Liberty students, faculty, and staff feel as we do. Donald Trump received a pitiful 90 votes from Liberty students in Virginia’s primary election, a colossal rejection of his campaign. Nevertheless, President Falwell eagerly uses his national platform to advocate for Donald Trump. While he occasionally clarifies that supporting Trump is not the official position of Liberty University, he knows it is his title of president of the largest Christian university in the world that gives him political credentials.

Associating any politician with Christianity is damaging to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. But Donald Trump is not just any politician. He has made his name by maligning others and bragging about his sins. Not only is Donald Trump a bad candidate for president, he is actively promoting the very things that we as Christians ought to oppose.

A recently uncovered tape revealed his comments bragging about sexually assaulting women. Any faculty or staff member at Liberty would be terminated for such comments, and yet when Donald Trump makes them, President Falwell rushes eagerly to his defense – taking the name “Liberty University” with him. “We’re all sinners,” Falwell told the media, as if sexual assault is a shoulder-shrugging issue rather than an atrocity which plagues college campuses across America, including our own.

It is not enough to criticize these kinds of comments. We must make clear to the world that while everyone is a sinner and everyone can be forgiven, a man who constantly and proudly speaks evil does not deserve our support for the nation’s highest office.

Jesus tells a story in the Bible about a man who tries to remove a speck of dust from his brother’s eye, while he has a log stuck in his own. “You hypocrite,” Jesus says, “first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

We Liberty students are often told to support Donald Trump because the other leading candidate is a bad option. Perhaps this is true. But the only candidate who is directly associated with Liberty University is Donald Trump.

Because our president has led the world to believe that Liberty University supports Donald Trump, we students must take it upon ourselves to make clear that Donald Trump is absolutely opposed to what we believe, and does not have our support.

We are not proclaiming our opposition to Donald Trump out of bitterness, but out of a desire to regain the integrity of our school. While our president Jerry Falwell Jr. tours the country championing the log in his eye, we want the world to know how many students oppose him. We don’t want to champion Donald Trump; we want only to be champions for Christ.”

It’s bizarre how one inexcusable, disqualifying scandal just gets kind of forgotten as news of the next inexcusable, disqualifying scandal comes out. It’s as if we can only handle one giant shit-show at a time… And suddenly, the “Grab her by the pussy” thing seems like it was a really long time ago. But it totally wasn’t… It was less than a week ago. And here we are, watching a video, and listening to the republican candidate for president make a comment sexualizing a little girl. Remember when you thought it was a really big deal that the pastor of Barack Obama’s church had said some controversial things in the past? Think back on that. Think about if a video like this one would have come out with Obama saying something like this. Imagine your reaction… And as you’re thinking about that,  also try to remember this very important bit of wisdom:

And yes, I realize that these particular events didn’t happen yesterday. Ten years is a long time. When Trump bragged to Billy Bush about being able to force himself on women and commit sexual assault because of his fame, he was only the spritely age of 59. And he was just a pup when he sexualized a little girl on an escalator–He was only 46! Barely old enough to know better. Some people believe that he has changed since then… Me? I’m not so sure. Common sense just tells me that the sort of human being who would say these sorts of things (not to mention the growing charges of sexual assault, as well as the child rape case against him) is not very likely to change… Especially at this late age. The guy who bragged about his daughter’s figure and said, “If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her” might just be showing his true colors. This one sentence should have been more than enough to keep this man as far away from the White House as possible. Just a reminder what that looked like…

Maybe this general grossness is why, when Donald went in for a kiss after the second debate, Tiffany treated him like a creeper at a bar…

But again, these videos are likely to be just the tip of the iceberg of Trump’s history of perversion. Wait until they start playing clips of his conversations with Howard Stern. The question is not whether or not Trump has any decency… We know the answer to that. The question is whether or not WE have any decency. Besides, people who do things like this NEVER CHANGE. 100% OF PERVERTS GO BACK TO THEIR WAYS. SADLY, THERE IS NO CURE. How I can I be so sure about this, you ask? Well, I guess I must have read it somewhere…


Do you love this blog? Is it something you value? You can support it by becoming a PATRON. You can leave a tip on PAYPAL (which, if you want to, you can designate to be used to “boost” a particular post on Facebook so more people see it and read it). You can share it with the people in your social media circles. Or you can follow me on Twitter and Facebook. I’m dead serious, though… We are better than Donald Trump.

Posted in 2) Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

This. Explains. Everything.

I don’t know what I can write to get you to feel how passionately I believe what I’m about to tell you. If this is the first time you are reading something I’ve written, you have no real reason to believe me… But if you are reading something of mine for the second, third, tenth, hundredth time, I want to ask you a favor. Here it is: If I have ever written anything in the past that you have ever valued, trust me when I say this… You have GOT to watch the documentary titled “13TH.” It is on Netflix right now (you can stream it), and it is the most valuable, important documentary I have ever encountered with regards to understanding racism in America. Not just an “I hate black people” sort of racism, but the Racism that is at the heart of the SYSTEMS in this country. It deals with slavery, prison, government, and all the important history of how those things have shaped our world and our way of seeing things.


I am not going to put up a bunch of statistics… Everything is in the film. I’m not going to try to retell what the makers of this documentary have said… It is perfect and powerful exactly as it is. I am simply begging you–BEGGING YOU–To watch this documentary. It is so good. So strong. So important to understanding this mess we find ourselves in. Some of you know I’m a Christian (please don’t hold that against me), but even as a Christian, if I had to choose one thing that every person in this country needed to do: Either 1) Read the Bible, or 2) Watch the documentary “13TH,” the choice would be easy. I would have us watch this documentary. I am completely and utterly serious.

And then, if you could, I need you to tell people about it. In some way, let the people in your life know how important you think this movie is. Use your voice to spread the word. The world needs to be educated about this. Every single person–every ethnicity and color–needs to see this film. Share this post, share a review, share how it made you feel… SHARE IT. And then, after you share it, look for a way to help. Show up. Give money to one of the groups that is working to educate people and fight against this cancer on our society. But please, Please, PLEASE!!!! Go to Netflix, search “13TH,” and watch it. If you don’t think it’s 100% WORTH EVERY MINUTE OF YOUR TIME, you can feel free to unfollow me and never pay attention to another word I say. I am staking my entire reputation on the worthwhileness of this film. PLEASE! Alright… You’ve wasted enough time reading this. Go watch it right now…

Posted in 5) Not Quite Sure | Tagged , , , , | 7 Comments

Top 10 Excuses For Donald Trump’s “Locker Room Talk”

Since the release of the video/audio of Donald talking with Billy Bush and bragging about sexually assaulting women, I have had an enjoyable time watching his supporters squirm while trying to excuse his inexcusable actions… All while defending their decision to still give him their votes. I have compiled some of the most popular excuses I’ve come across:

10) “She was asking for it.” Seriously though, did you see that dress? Besides, Melania said it was alright…

9) “At least he tells it like it is.” Unlike Hillary Clinton, that lying whore… It’s way better to be OPEN about being an awful person than it is to be a person who FAKES caring about kids as she tirelessly spends 40 years of her life falsely working in public service.

8) “Bill Clinton said a lot worse than that.” I know this one works, because my kids do it all the time. Me: “Son, why did you call your sister an idiot?” Son: “Bill Clinton called her a lot worse than that!” Works every time…

7) “That was a long time ago.” He was young and immature. What’s that? He was married to his third wife at the time, and already a 59 year old grandfather? Yeah, but eMails, and a private server, and [trails off, muttering something about a Blackberry]…

6) “If God didn’t want us grabbing women by the pussy, why did he shaped them to be so grabbable?” Blame God, not Donald. Actually, little known fact: The handle to the bathroom door in his master bedroom is solid gold woman’s vagina… I’m kidding, I’m kidding… It’s actually gold plated.

5) “We’re not electing a Pastor-In-Chief.” It seems this policy has changed since folks were making a case against voting for Barack Obama… Plus, ABORTION!

4) “Quit being so Politically Correct.” Political correctness is literally killing this country!

3) “Oh right… Like YOU never bragged to Billy Bush about being able to grab a woman by her pussy.” Come on, we’ve all been there…

2) “BENGHAZI!!!!” Someday in the future, when misled extremists on the “Christian Right” detonate their suicide vests, they will yell this word, unaware that Secretary Clinton was investigated almost 10 times (at great expense) over what happened in Benghazi, and yet the republican commissions who investigated found no wrongdoing whatsoever for her.

1) “That was before he was saved.” Also, didn’t Jesus say a little something about “the person who is without sin being one to cast the first stone?” Checkmate, bitches…

So there they are: The Top 10 Excuses for Donald’s latest embarrassment (by the way, I’ve decided to refer to him simply as “Donald.” He is nothing more than a fake last name, so “Donald” it is). Don’t worry, I’m sure people will have another chance to use these excuses over the next month or so… Whenever he says yet another thing that embarrasses our country around the world, and confuses the citizens of other countries as to why this buffoon even has a POSSIBILITY of winning the presidency. Listen, I don’t want to spend too much time defending Donald’s words. In the interest of equal time, here are Robert De Niro’s thoughts on the guy. **Spoiler Alert: He’s not a big fan.

I told myself I was only going to write a quick list and then go to bed, but I feel like I really need to say this last part:

The truly gross thing is not that he said the things he said… The REALLY gross part is that–for many of you–THIS is what it took for you to speak up and finally say this guy is a sleaze ball who does not deserve to be president. He’s been saying this shit all along… He’s just been saying it about people you don’t know. You didn’t feel compelled to speak up when he characterized Mexicans as rapists and criminals, and blamed them for our country’s economic woes? You didn’t feel compelled to speak up when he offered to pay the legal fees for people who beat up BlackLivesMatter protesters, or refused people entry to his rallies simply because they were black? You didn’t feel compelled to speak up when he suggesting killing the families of terrorists and suggesting keeping all Muslims out of the country?


It was just “Locker Room Talk,” and he’s “sorry if you were offended.” Not sorry that he said it, mind you… Sorry if YOU were offended.

And now some people are all “I’ve got a mother,” “I’ve got a sister,” etc… Do you not know any Hispanics? Do you not know any black folks whose faces you can imagine his words affecting? Do you not have Muslim friends who you could imagine being kept out of America because of their religion? But NOW you’re mad?!? It shouldn’t take these “That could be my daughter/sister/mother” revelations in order for people to care enough to speak up. It wasn’t him talking about dating his daughter, it wasn’t him alluding to the size of his penis during a presidential debate, it wasn’t him accusing Obama of not being a “real citizen,” or any of the thousands of other horrible things he’s said. The fact that it took an audio recording of him bragging about sexually assaulting women, going after a married woman, and being able to grab a woman by her pussy if he wanted… If this was the level of grossness you had to see coming from Donald–the “straw that broke the camel’s back” of your conscience, if you will–then you’ve got yourself one truly messed up camel. 

But I suppose better late than never…


“What can I say? I am who I am…”

If you love this blog and want to support it, you can. HERE and HERE. Otherwise, share it… Or I’ll grab you in the you-know-where. That’s right… Right in the conscience camel.

Posted in 2) Politics, 3) Bathroom Humor | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Christians Should Be Rooting For As Many Abortions As Possible

Ah yes… ABORTION. That age-old issue that, for the past 40 years or so, has been able to galvanize “the Christian vote” behind politicians whose platforms–other than that one single issue–are about as wholly unChristian as platforms can get. It’s that one issue that allows evangelicals to somehow rationalize voting for people who demonize the poor, fan the flames of war, rationalize torture, close our borders to aliens and immigrants, and celebrate putting one’s own interests before the interests of the group as if it were some sort of virtue. And it doesn’t just “allow” them to vote for those anti-Jesus issues… Almost magically, abortion COMPELS evangelical voters to feel genuine guilt–as if they are sinning directly against The Almighty–if they DON’T vote for a candidate who is anti-poor, pro-war, pro-torture, anti-immigrant, and pro-“Me over We.” Abortion alone justifies the startling incongruity we see between what Christians profess to believe, and how Christians vote. And nowhere–and at no point in time–has this incongruity and hypocrisy been as evident and exaggerated as it is in this year’s presidential election.


Genius from Nick Anderson.

Seriously though… The devil himself could call himself “Pro Life,” and most people calling themselves Christians would slap a “Beelzebub 2016” sticker on their cars.


“There has to be some form of punishment.” ~ Donald Trump, speaking about women who get abortions

Here is the power of abortion to the Single-Issue Evangelical Voter: Just four short years after compromising their principles (the belief that Christians could only vote for other Christians) by voting for a Mormon, evangelical voters are already ignoring the right and moral pleas of that same Mormon, and deciding to vote for a man who is–by any estimation–about as far from Christ-like as any citizen this country could offer up. An imaginative and talented fiction writer would find it difficult to come up with a character more perfectly opposite to the person of Jesus than the actual person of Donald Trump… And yet Christians everywhere are planning on voting for him. People in the Christian Right have done such a complete 180 that they are now saying things like, “We’re not electing a Pastor-In-Chief… We’re electing a Commander-In-Chief.” With a straight face. This is the power of abortion.


So very, very tragic… But at least Jacob is in Heaven, right?

So listen, Christian voters… I have a proposal for you. A “Modest Abortion Proposal,” if you will… Maybe you’ve been thinking about this the wrong way. Follow me here:

In your estimation, being a Christian is about “saving souls,” right? Our job–here on planet Earth–is to get as many souls into Heaven as possible, while also saving them from the endless torment of Hell. So let’s say it turns out that a fetus at six weeks IS, in fact, considered by God to be a fully-formed human being with an eternal soul… Let me ask you a question: What do you think happens to the souls of babies who get aborted? They couldn’t POSSIBLY get sent to burn in hell for all eternity, right? They’re innocent! Not even the god you’ve been sold (who sends the vast majority of the humans who have ever lived to be tortured forever) would be so awful as to send an aborted baby soul to hell. So really, worst-case scenario is that the aborted babies get to go to heaven and live in eternity with Jesus. That’s a pretty sweet deal! Streets of gold, and all that…


Poor little disappointed babies, living forever in the eternal bliss of paradise…

But imagine if that baby was carried to term… What are the chances that baby grows up to be a person who makes it to Heaven? Like 1 in 100? That means that about 99 out of every 100 babies that are born are going to spend all of eternity getting tortured. Those are TERRIBLE odds! Think of all the different pitfalls for babies who are carried to term–They could go to the wrong church, they could believe the wrong things, they could go to a secular college, they could end up choosing to be gay, they could convert to Islam, they could vote democrat, they could get pregnant and end up getting an abortion… There are literally millions of things that could end up getting them sent to hell.

I mean, sure, we’ve also got to be concerned about the souls of the women getting the abortions… But think of it purely in terms of numbers. You have a 100% chance of the baby’s soul going to heaven, but if a woman decides to have an abortion, there is always the chance that she will repent of that action later, and then she gets to go to heaven too! So for two people–mother who carried to term and child–there is only about a 1% chance of each of them getting into heaven. But for two people–mother who aborted and the aborted baby–the chances of avoiding hell skyrocket to about 50% (100% for the baby, and 1% for the mother… Or higher! with the possibility of a death bed conversion). I like those odds! You’re still batting .500, and that kind of average would put just about anyone into the Soul-Saving Hall of Fame. Anyway, worst-case scenario is that justice is served and the abortionists are sent to hell. “Vengeance is mine, declares the Lord,” right? They’ll pay for their actions by being eternally tortured for 100 billion years with 100 trillion years after that… Right next to all those grown babies whose mothers selfishly decided to carry them to term and send 99% of them to burn in Hell.


Get used to that fire, kid… Chances are really good you’re going to be seeing a whole lot more of it where you’re going…

So as you can clearly see, working toward forcing all women to carry their pregnancies to term–even in the cases of rape, incest, or when the life of the mother is in danger–is literally working toward filling the hot halls of hell with 49% more souls than would be there if you went ahead and let women have their abortion. It’s math, people… If you believe that a fetus–at any point after conception–is a fully-formed human with a soul, and you also believe that the chief concern for Christians is saving souls from going to hell, then you should be rooting for as many abortions as possible.

See? And just like that, I’ve released you from feeling compelled to vote for a racist, bigoted, xenophobic, openly misogynistic, narcissist megalomaniac who seems to actually be proud of the fact that he represents everything that is wrong with humanity, but still has managed to swindle the votes of the simple-minded and misled… Simply by slapping a “Pro-Life” button on his very expensive suit.

You’re welcome.

If you’re new to my blog, it should be pointed out that I am Christian…  Though, because I am not one of those Christians who believes that “Christian” = “Conservative Republican who automatically votes Pro-Life,”  I’m certain there are many people who might disagree with me using the term “Christian” to describe myself. And that’s okay… It doesn’t bother me one bit. I don’t believe that being a follower of Jesus has anything to do with “saving people from Hell,” unless you consider it “Hell” to walk around believing that God is a monster. A God who sends the vast majority of humanity to get tortured forever could never be called “Good” or “Loving” or even “Just.”And I have come to believe God is so much better than that. I don’t think Jesus is the only picture we have of God, but I think he is the best. I hope that God looks like Jesus… And that’s enough for me right now.

I just wanted to mention this in the hopes that this criticism wouldn’t so easily be dismissed as some “stupid atheist” who doesn’t get it. Anyway, if you love this blog and would like to support it, you can BECOME A PATRON and give a couple bucks a month (OR MORE, if you happen to be a billionaire real estate mogul presidential candidate). OR, you could leave a tip on PAYPAL. Or else, if you’re poor like me, you can just share the shit out of it on Facebook or Twitter. Either way, I love you guys! Also, do yourself a favor and READ THIS before posting all kinds of hate in the comments section.

Posted in 1) Jesus, 2) Politics, 3) Bathroom Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Dear White People: Stop Whitesplaining Martin Luther King, Jr.

Have you seen this meme?


For some reason, people who complain about “playing the race card” really love laying down this Black King…

Seems nice enough, right? I’ve seen a whole lot of people post this picture on social media. After the police killing of Keith Scott, the streets of Charlotte, North Carolina erupted in protest, and–as sometimes happens–some of those protests turned violent. Basically, this meme is saying, “Hey, black people… Cut that shit out! Remember Martin Luther King, Jr.? Remember what he said about non-violence? Violence never solved anything!”

Now, I freely admit–There was a time in my life where I would have posted this same meme. I am inspired by the life of Martin Luther King, Jr., and I believe in non-violence… Not just because I consider myself a follower of Jesus and his clear, non-violent, enemy-loving call to his followers, but because I believe that non-violence simply works best. Violence, as a response to acts of violence, only begets more violence. It never fixes things–Not for long, at least… And certainly not if your goal is peace. That being said, over the past few years I have grown more and more disgusted at the phenomenon of white people bringing up Dr. King every time someone at a protest decides to throw a stone, trash a police car, or steal a television set.

So please–PLEASE!–I’m begging you, fellow white people: If violence breaks out at a protest… Before you post another ignorant meme featuring a picture of Dr. King, or quote that one line you know from the “I Have A Dream” speech, or (God forbid) spout some awfulness about “catching flies with honey,” please consider the following points:

ANYONE CAN SHOW UP TO A PROTEST. It’s not like there some sort of gate, and only people wearing special wristbands (showing they have been properly vetted by Black Lives Matter organizers) are allowed to show up. Anyone can show up. And if you have a few thousand people show up to a protest, even if 95% of them are non-violent, that can still mean a couple hundred people who aren’t… People who have seen one too many black bodies lying dead on a street, while the white guy who murdered nine black folks at a Church gets a bulletproof vest and taken out for some Burger King. And that kind of thing can make anyone angry… Maybe angry enough to throw some fucking rocks. The fact that EVERY black person in this country is not out throwing rocks as an act of protest is already a testament to King’s legacy of non-violence within the black community. They are not angry, as Congressman Robert Pittenger said, because “They hate white people because white people are successful and they’re not.” Watch below…

PROTESTS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DISRUPTIVE. They are meant to be seen. If a protest is going to be effective, it has to be visible… But if there is not a disruption, things don’t get noticed. Gather a few hundred people inside a Church somewhere to peacefully protest racial injustice, and see how many news cameras show up. Gather in a public park, and you *might* make the news… But if you and the rest of the protestors shut down a road for a short time, that might be the leading story that night (and then WATCH THE RACIST RESPONSES come pouring in). Ironically, even though most protesters want a non-violent disruption, the only time the national news seems to care is when violence breaks out… You better believe they are sending the cameras out for THAT. Then they sum up a four hour protest with a 30 second video clip of some kids jumping on a police cruiser, some tear gas canisters, and an officer face that got bloodied when it got hit by a stone that was thrown… As if that was what the whole protest was all about. The news doesn’t seem to care unless they can get a clip of a burning cop car.


“We let you have a black president… What more do you WANT??”

IT’S NOT LIKE THERE IS NO REASON TO THROW STONES. Non-violence is great, but if you don’t think there is a really good reason for people to be angry enough to take a baseball bat to the window of police cruiser, you haven’t been paying attention. King’s voice was not the only voice in the struggle for civil rights. There was no consensus among the civil rights leaders of that era that non-violence is the only way to handle things. We literally white-wash how radical and disruptive MLK was. He was not well-liked by the white people of his day. In 1964, 63% of Americans said the civil rights movement “pushed too fast,” 58% said they thought “most were violent,” and 58% believed they “hurt their own cause.” There is a reason for the violence. A lot of white folks have closets full of guns, talking about being fully prepared to kill people because they think taxation is tyranny… Well, these people throwing stones are seeing video after video of unarmed black folks being gunned down. If I was out there protesting with them, and the anger toward the injustice all around us spilled over into violence against me, I would not be happy about getting my ass kicked… But I would sure understand why it happened.



Remember this guy? Guess who else “looted nothing, burned nothing, and attacked no one?” A little someone named Colin Kaepernick. I seem to remember that whole non-violent protest not going over so well. In fact, I seem to remember a lot of people losing their damn minds over him taking a knee during the national anthem, and I also seem to remember calls for Colin Kaepernick to take his unpatriotic ass out out of “our” country. But you can learn a lot about someone by seeing which things they are offended by and which things they aren’t…


Cartoon truth, from Drew Sheneman.


Now…If–after reading what I’ve just written–you’re still incapable of understanding where “all this anger comes from,” and you feel compelled to tell people of color–people you don’t know–about how Dr. King would be disappointed in them, do me a favor, and just wait a couple days… This urge to “whitesplain” non-violence to black folks using their own hero will pass… Just as quickly as the memory of this most recent “Black Life That Didn’t Matter” will pass…

Can’t you feel it? It’s only been a few days since yet another black man was killed, and we’re already starting to not care anymore. Before long, we will have moved on to other things… Soon, Keith Scott’s name will get mixed up with all the rest… All the other Hash Tags. What was the guy’s name who was killed a couple days earlier, again? You know–the one who was shot while his hands were up in the air against that SUV? Crap, am I going to need to Google it already? OH, right… Terence Crutcher. It’s hard to remember. I find myself remembering the circumstances more than the names. You know, the one who was shot as he ran away? The one who was gunned down in a Walmart for holding a toy gun they sold at that Walmart? The one they choked to death for selling loose cigarettes? The 12-year-old kid who had a fake gun, who they shot before the car even stopped moving? The teenager who was shot 16 times and executed in the street as he walked away? The one they killed by giving him a “rough ride” in the back of the van? The Ferguson one… The one who got killed because the cop said he thought he was grabbing his taser… The one who got killed for selling CDs…The one who got pulled over for a broken taillight and wound up dead? There are so many, I can’t keep them all straight. But we want so badly to believe that we live in a just society… So  we try to justify their deaths by believing that it was something they did (instead of who they were and what they looked like) that caused them to get killed. If only they had just been more like Martin Luther King, Jr., right?

Regardless, even when someone with brown skin does everything right, there’s no guarantee he’s not going to end up getting shot anyway… Remember this guy?


The man’s name–the one with his hands in the air–is Charles Kinsey. He laid on the ground, on his back, hands in the air… And he loudly and clearly identified himself as a therapist for people with disabilities, told the police officers that the man next to him was Autistic and one of his patients, and made sure they knew that the item in the man’s hand was not a weapon, but was–in fact–a toy truck. And he STILL ended up getting shot. The officer who shot him gave some conflicting testimonies, but he ended up landing on the explanation that he was attempting to shoot the man next to him… You know, the one with the toy truck. We found out recently that no charges will be filed against the officer who shot him, but luckily Kinsey lived.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Philando Castile. After being pulled over for a broken taillight, the officer asked him for his ID. As he was reaching for his ID, Philando disclosed that he had a gun that which he was licensed to carry… The officer yelled, “Don’t move!” and proceeded to shoot him four times. We probably wouldn’t even know his name, except that his girlfriend got on Facebook Live and filmed as the man she loved died in the seat next to her. Much like Keith Scott’s wife filmed as her husband lie dying on the street… Though strangely enough, the NRA didn’t really come to Philando Castile’s defense after he was killed for having a legal firearm… Maybe the NRA isn’t as interested in defending the 2nd Amendment rights of people with dreadlocks.

But we already knew that a black man can do everything right and still end up getting shot, didn’t we? Yeah, we learned that a long time ago…


There is this disturbing double standard where nobody cares about a peaceful protest until some sort of violence takes place… At which point, people dismiss the just cause behind the protest based on the violence that took place. And they do this using the standard set by a moral superhero. Martin Luther King, Jr. is a moral giant. He’s a hero… But he’s THEIR hero, not ours. Listen very closely: You don’t get to use the name of Martin Luther King, Jr. to tell black folks how they should or shouldn’t act. Non-violence is NOT something which is demanded by the ones with their boots on the necks of the oppressed. Non-violence is born of strength and self-control and mostly love… but it is ALWAYS the choice of the person who is being oppressed. STOP BRINGING UP MLK EVERY TIME A PROTEST TURNS VIOLENT. Seriously. Stop. If you’re white and you want to help, start standing close enough to ones who are protesting that YOUR eyes are getting burned by the tear gas too. Loving your enemies is only possible when you could have chosen to punch them square in the face. When non-violence is demanded by the people in power, it just becomes more oppression.

Let’s not mince words… I’m asking for your support. If you value this blog, I think it would be really cool to help support it. You can do this by Becoming a Patron and giving a couple bucks a month (or more). Or, you can do like Denise Armstrong did, and you can just leave a tip on PayPal. If you give on PayPal, you can designnate your money to “Boost” a specific post on Facebook so more people get to read it. Another way you can help support it is by sharing it on Facebook or Twitter… This one was good, right?🙂


Posted in 1) Jesus, 2) Politics, 5) Not Quite Sure | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The Real Reason You Hate Hillary Clinton

I know. I KNOW! You hate her so much. You have made that abundantly clear. You hate her so much that you are even willing to vote for an absolute dumpster fire of a person… But have you ever really given any thought to WHY you hate her? It’s fascinating to me. I mean, I get that she is not the most inspiring public speaker. And you’re pissed off about Benghazi and eMails… Even though I guarantee you that 98% of you have no idea whatsoever what you are actually angry about–let alone having any idea about the actual FACTS behind either of those issues. But what is it that REALLY gets under your skin about her?


I’ve decide to decorate this post with actual items you can buy at Trump rallies. See if you can spot any sexism.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking about today: Have you ever met a woman who named her daughter after herself? I was listening to the Hamilton soundtrack the other day (as we have done most days for the past two months… Because it is absolutely awesome), and commented to my wife about how Aaron Burr’s wife Theodosia named her daughter Theodosia. The practice of naming a daughter after the mother is common in some cultures around the world, but it almost never happens in the United States… And yet it is perfectly normal for a man to name a son after himself. For a moment try to imagine this scenario: Let’s say you meet someone new. She is dressed for business, and she doesn’t seem super smiley. She gives you a firm handshake, and introduces herself as Trudy. You notice the little girl standing next to her, and you squat down to say hello. “And what is YOUR name, sweatheart?” you ask her, as she shyly hides behind the leg of her mother’s pantsuit. Trudy pats her daughter’s head and says, “This is Trudy.”

Now… I want you to examine the feeling that you would have as this scenario played out. If you’re anything like me, your natural (I feel like writing “natural” there, but I don’t actually think it’s natural. I think it’s something we are taught) learned response is probably something in the neighborhood of “Who does she think she is?” Now–if you can–ask yourself why you wouldn’t have had the same sort of reaction if you met a man named Brian (wearing a suit and not smiling very much) who just introduced you to his son Brian. Finally, here is the REALLY hard work: That feeling… The one I’m calling “Who does she think she is?” but encapsulates so much more… Does that feeling remind you of the feeling you get in your gut when you see Hillary Clinton? Does it remind you of how you feel when you hear her speak? Or see the way she’s dressed? Or watch her not smile enough in an interview when she’s being asked asinine questions?


I feel like I’m being magnanimous when I assume that Trump supporters are just stupid instead of being straight up evil… Is that weird?

I had that same feeling. When Hillary Clinton tried to get universal healthcare passed during Bill’s presidency (and before I was somewhat aware of all of the prejudices inside me… All of the thriving racism and ageism and sexism and all the rest), I can clearly remember thinking “Who does she think she is? Nobody elected her… She needs to know her place!” And the interesting thing is that I don’t think that feeling about Hillary–that sense that someone’s getting a little too big for her britches–is limited to men. Not by a long shot.


Nope, no sexism here. Carry on…

This idea–the one that says women are one way, and men are another–is not an idea which is given up without a serious fight. But the “expanding of human consciousness,” that IS something that is a natural process. It is the process of becoming aware of our prejudices… And being brave enough to question them. And as we go through that process, we feel we are wiser and more loving and more honest. Not more *than you* necessarily… Just wiser and more loving and more honest than we were BEFORE. And we want that for you as well, so we try to get people to see things differently… But those conversations rarely go well. Trying to explain how the subtleties of sexism are woven into the very fabric of our nation and culture is very difficult when you’re trying to explain it to someone who doesn’t have the capacity to see it. Some folks don’t yet possess the kinds of self-awareness needed to discover the subtleties and nuance of systemic problems… Especially problems to which they are complicit. To them, it just comes off as accusations of an overt offense. If I speak about the realities of sexism in the way our nation treats Hillary Clinton as a candidate, many of you hear me accusing you of hating women. “Are you telling me I hate women?!? I LOVE women! Don’t you DARE tell me I hate women… MY MOMMA WAS A WOMAN!!!”

This fragile, defensive, angry reaction to the truth that the world is more complex than you thought it was… This is one of the main things that slows down people “getting it.” Being told that there is something you “don’t get” is an offensive process. In the past, this process was sped along by the introduction of facts… Fact that were many times brought to us through journalism and science. But in an attempt to slow down the natural process of people “getting it,” people attempt to discredit journalism and even science as biased and false. For example, if you heard that unarmed black people are five times more likely to be killed by police than unarmed white people, you might be nudged toward accepting that systemic racism is a problem within our police force. But if you can simply reject the data as being biased or even false, you can safely stay right in your comfortable, ignorant place. The other option is you accept the data as truthful, but you rationalize that it is truthful “for a reason.” “Yeah, unarmed black folks get killed more often by police, but it’s because they should have just complied. Or because they try to run. Or because their parents should teach them better. Or because they just naturally get in more trouble. Or because they’re just worse…” And this is the beating heart of white supremacy.


All in good fun, right? Quit being so sensitive. Political correctness is killing America…

Another belief that slows down the progress of human consciousness is the thought that “We’re past that already.” This is the sort of belief that thinks racism is over because we elected a black president. If you believe the lie that a disease has been cured, you’re going to work a lot less hard to cure that disease. And if Hillary Clinton gets elected president, sexism is not just going to magically disappear either… In fact, if you look at what has happened since Barack Obama has been elected, the push back against the discomfort of change will likely make things worse for a while. Oprah being really rich disproves neither racism nor sexism. Did you know that it hasn’t even been 100 years since women have been allowed to VOTE?!? There are a lot of people walking around who are older than a woman’s right to vote. Women weren’t allowed to compete in the Olympic Marathon until 1984… Too fragile. And the ban on women serving in combat in the U.S. military was not lifted until 2013… You really don’t think that Hillary Clinton’s vagina is a significant part of the reason you are so triggered by her candidacy?

Please take a moment to read this post by Humans Of New York…

Some eMails were recently leaked between Colin Powell and a very wealthy republican donor. Powell calls Trump a “national disgrace” and an “international pariah.” In those eMails, he also had some things to say about Hillary Clinton. He says that “although she is a friend,” he was critical of her age, her greed, and her “unbridled ambition.” Think about that for a moment. When–WHEN?!?–do we criticize powerful and wealthy men for their AMBITION? In men, ambition is a virtue… Why does it suddenly turn into a vice when the ambitious person has a vagina? Trump is 70 (two years older than Clinton). He wears his greed and ambition around like a medal… And yet, people hate Hillary Clinton because they believe she “just wants more power.” Imagine–if you can–the possibility that Hillary Clinton has looked around and thought, “You know what? I think I’m the best person for this job.” The audacity, right?!? How DARE she? WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?


Just look at how “bitchy” that face is…

Or imagine the outrage if Hillary Clinton was on her third marriage, and this time she married a model who was 24 years younger than her… What is it that allows you to overlook that sort of action in a 70 year old spray-tanned man, but if you see it exhibited by a woman, it enrages you? A friend of a friend said, “America is way more sexist than it is racist… And it is TOTALLY racist.” I believe this is true… And not just because women weren’t “given” the right to vote until 50 YEARS after that right was “given” to black men. I believe it’s true because this election bears it out at every turn. We have an election between a very experienced and intelligent woman, and a man who is easily the most unqualified, offensive, and aggressively dangerous candidate in the history of this nation, and yet people are considering voting for him because “there’s just something about Hillary I don’t trust.” Or because you don’t like the sound of her voice. Think about the word “shrill” for a moment… Is that a word reserved for women? Maybe you’re just not used to the sound of a woman’s voice who is in a position of power… 

I don’t love everything about her. She’s too hawkish for me. I’m afraid that because of the sense that she isn’t “strong enough,” she could feel pressured into military action that will only make things worse. I don’t like the prison policies for which she is partially responsible. I think she’s too close with Wall Street and big banks. But even though these things are concerning to me, she has my vote. Do you know why? Because she is persuadable. She is competent. She is reasonable. She is a person who listens, and she considers other sides. She is not an ignorant buffoon who–when asked about who he consults on issues of foreign policy–would ever say something like“I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain and I’ve said a lot of things,” and “I speak to a lot of people, but my primary consultant is myself, and I have a good instinct for this stuff.” 


One side says “Trump That Bitch.” The other side says “Love Trumps Hate.” Which side are you on?

And in the midst of the deep sexism of this country (and the boys club that is Washington D.C.), she has had to work twice as hard to get to where she is today… All while smiling enough but not too much. All while wearing fashionable clothes that aren’t so fashionable she won’t be taken seriously… Clothes that say “I’m powerful,” but clothes that aren’t too manly–Even though “manly” is a synonym for “powerful.” All while enduring stupid questions and stupid criticisms with a smile on her face, because an angry woman is a turn off to voters. And if–while she is working twice as hard to be taken seriously (even though pneumonia)–she works herself to the point of exhaustion, it won’t be looked at as a sign of how bad ass she is… It will be taken as a sign of her feminine fragility. But she can’t ever let out the giant “SCREW YOU, YOU SEXIST BASTARDS!” that has no doubt been welling up inside her for 40 years because–again–people are freaked right out by angry women.

Well, I’m a white man–I can say it. SCREW YOU, YOU SEXIST BASTARDS! You act like you are upset about eMails… or the Clinton Foundation’s donors… or the four Americans who died in the attack on Benghazi… But what you are really upset about is that the person who wants to be in charge has a vagina.

Is this blog something that you value? If it is, please consider BECOMING A PATRON and giving a couple bucks a month. I usually write about 1-2 blog posts a week… that’s a pretty sweet deal, if you ask me. I’d appreciate your support, and I think my wife would as well. My wife is the kind of strong, competent woman who laughs a bit to herself when I’m referred to as the “head of the household.” Much of the time, she is the one who gets things done, and I’m so thankful for that. When you give, you help legitimize the time I spend writing these posts… And that means a lot. Thank you.

You can also follow my stuff on Facebook, Twitter, or you can give on PayPal.


Posted in 2) Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

FREE ADVERTISING: The Helpful Hardware Man… I Mean Folks

I’m not what you’d call a “Handyman.” I didn’t grow up with a dad who was particularly interested in teaching me about fixing things around the house. I was more of a “sitting on the garage floor, hitting things with a hammer” sort of kid… On a related note, it turns out if you fold a bunch of caps on top of each other and hit them with a hammer, you can make a really loud noise. When I was little, my interests were primarily in catching things in the ponds across the street, watching movies on HBO I probably shouldn’t have been watching, and playing video games… Followed later by playing sports, writing music, and trying to convince girls I was cool enough to kiss. Nowhere in this rigorous schedule was there any time for me to learn how to replace a garbage disposal, hang drywall, repair a leaky faucet, or fix an electrical problem.


I just realized I don’t have an actual tool belt… But Christmas is right around the corner.

But like many of us do, I got married and bought a house. And like everyone who has ever bought a house learns, things in houses break. Now… There are some folks who–when things break–have “people” who fix those broken things. I am not one of these folks. I’m the guy who doesn’t really know what he’s doing, but tries to do it himself. I’m not sure how I became that guy., but the reasoning for my own attempted foray into the role of handyman is not that important. It could have come as a result of newfound home-improvement ambition, a lack of money to pay a repairman, or a good ol’ fashioned Dutch sense of “I’m not going to pay someone for something I can do myself” (Though it was probably some sort of combination of the three). All of this to say, buying a house has led me to discover a place that I genuinely love: ACE HARDWARE.


This is basically what it’s like when I go into Ace.

So here’s the deal: I’m not going to make some impassioned plea for people to stop using “Big Box” stores and do all of your shopping locally. There are a lot of good reason to buy locally, but I realize that, for many people, spending more money on an item just because it makes you “feel good” is not a luxury many of us have. I am not going to try to guilt you into shopping a Ace Hardware based on some sort of Anti-Walmart, “Big = Bad” philosophy. I sometimes shop at Walmart, even though I don’t feel very good about giving them my hard-earned money. I don’t particularly enjoy spending money anywhere, actually, but Ace Hardware is one of the few places I feel genuinely good about handing my cash over to. Here’s what I AM going to do: 1) I’m going to give you a few really good reasons to spend your money at Ace Hardware, 2) I’m going to tell you a quick story about me being a dip shit, and 3) I’m going to ask you–especially if you’re a person like me, who is trying to figure out this home repair stuff as you go along–to give them your business.

Reason Number One–The people who work there actually seek YOU out.
The people who work there are friendly, and that is worth a lot. You can be in Lowes or Home Depot for a good half hour without having an employee so much as even make eye contact with you. When you walk into Ace Hardware, someone is looking to help you. There have only been a couple times that I have ever walked into that place when I have not been immediately greeted and asked how I could be helped. All of those times the employees were helping other customers… And even then, I was acknowledged, and they said they would be right with me.

Reason Number Two–They do more than they have to.
They don’t point you toward the right aisle… They TAKE you to the right aisle, and then they make sure you have the right tool for the job. This has saved me so much time. I have had salespeople give me their cell phone number so that I could send them a picture of the issue I am having at home. Everyone on their staff is so knowledgable, but if there is a question you have that the salesperson in unsure of, they will take you to the person who DOES know. All of this extra service leads to the third reason…

Reason Number Three–They will save you money.
I know some of their prices are a little bit marked up compared to Home Depot or Lowes, but in the long run, you will SAVE MONEY by bringing your business to Ace Hardware. An example: I brought in a valve from my shower that was leaking really bad… fully expecting to have to buy another one. The salesperson could have just showed me where the replacement valves were (about $20), but instead, he asked to take a look at it. He took it apart, explained what was happening, and sold me a 38¢ rubber washer that fixed the problem. After I hugged him, he probably wished he would have just sold me a new valve. And yeah, you probably could have bought that washer for 32¢ at Lowes, but it would have taken you 4 minutes to walk to the area you thought it was in, 7 minutes to get the attention of someone working there, 8 minutes to find the washer, and a half hour to make the trip back in to the store after you get home and figure out you got the wrong size.

Reason Number Four–They know what they’re talking about.
And here’s the story of me being a dip shit. Earlier this year, I went in to Ace Hardware looking for help. In the “Help Area” (did I mention there is a help area?), Shannon (one of the guys who helped me in the past) was helping an older lady figure something out. Even though there was a woman who worked there standing nearby, I positioned myself next to him in that “I’ll stand here and wait for you to get done helping this other person, but I call dibs on next” posture that I’m sure they’re so familiar with. Shannon noticed me waiting, and he said, “Hey. Kay should be able to help you.” “Do YOU think you can help?” I condescendingly asked. I proceeded to talk to Kay like someone I didn’t expect much from… Complete with an actual “I’m not sure if you know what I’m talking about or not.” Like a dip shit… Like a total chauvinist dip shit. I guess I must have missed this commercial in 1982.

Within moments, Kay had made it clear that she had probably FORGOTTEN more about home repair than I would ever learn in my lifetime. She was an expert, and she sent me home with specific instructions of what to look for, and ended up saving me probably $15 and 90 minutes of my time. This is Kay:


I don’t know who you are, but I’d be willing to bet that Kay knows more about hardware than you do.

When I came back in, this time I waited for Kay. I thanked her for her expertise (the kind of expertise that knows the brand of plumbing fixtures they probably used in your neighborhood), I confessed that I looked past her and expected less of her because she was a woman, and I asked her to forgive me. She said, “If I had a dime for every time some guy walked in here and overlooked me because I am a woman, I’d be rich.” She told me stories about customers saying things like, “I’ll just wait for one of the men,” just to have that male employee come to her to ask for her advice… Because she’s been doing this for 27 years. She told me stories about teaching women how to repair broken toilets their husbands couldn’t fix, and then–when their husbands got home and asked how she got it working again–telling the wife to say nothing more than, “I fixed it. It’s not that hard.”


This is NOT Kay. What… Doesn’t everybody take selfies with the folks at their local hardware store???

All of this to say–I LOVE Ace Hardware. I should mention that the store I love the most is the Tusculum Ace Hardware in Nashville, but I know that there are other great stores around as well. You go in there and get a short college level courses in home repair, you get friendly, knowledgable, “measure twice–cut once” people who are eager to help, and you even get lessons in the lurking patriarchy still buried in your own heart… All for the price of slight mark up over Home-Stupid-Depot. And even a dope like me, who didn’t know the first thing about fixing all the crap in my house that breaks, can feel confident–between YouTube videos and the friendly folks at Ace Hardware–that I can fix just about anything that goes wrong with my house.

I don’t advertise on my page… I don’t get paid to, at least (you can probably see some small ads under this paragraph, but those are how WordPress is able to offer this site for free). I’ve been wanting to do some free advertising for a while, and I kept putting it off. Every once in a while, I’m going to do these “free advertising” posts about things I think are awesome (The next one will probably be about Darn Tough socks–The best socks in the world). Anyway, if you love yourself some Ace Hardware, feel free to share this. Or, if you love yourself some The Boeskool, you can BECOME A PATRON and help support me. If everyone who regularly reads my stuff gave $2 a month, that would be way more money I could spend at Ace Hardware.

Posted in 5) Not Quite Sure | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Christians ~ Want Fewer Abortions? Vote Democrat.

It never fails… If you talk with a Christian who is planning on voting for Donald Trump, inevitably the topic of abortion will come up. And the reason for this is clear: On a daily basis–often multiple times a day–Trump says things that are so starkly Anti-Jesus that even the most ardent conservative (who grew up believing “Christian” and “republican” were synonyms) can tell that this guy’s words and beliefs and policies are so directly opposite to the beliefs of a Jesus-follower that it seems intentional. He isn’t even trying. Even when he claims to be a Christian, he seems incapable of anything other than an self-aggrandizing, “I’m one of the best Christians” type of statement. He has put these confused “Christians” into a very difficult and awkward position–They have come to deeply believe that they are REQUIRED to vote republican, but to all but the most blindly ignorant, the republican nominee for president is Anti-Everything-Jesus-Stood-For to a disturbingly obvious degree. About everything except for one issue: Abortion. Well, before you go and do something stupid like voting for Trump, hear me out…


“There has to be some form of punishment.” Only for women, I assume…

Now, most of you probably already know that, until fairly recently, Donald Trump referred to himself as “very pro choice.” But there is literally no way someone can run as a republican (and have a chance of winning) without calling himself “pro-life.” So here we are, with a morally repugnant man running for president, but Christians can still rationalize voting for him because of his newly acquired “Pro-Life” moniker. Just under 80% of white evangelicals report that they plan on voting for Trump–A bewildering and depressing number that signals the end of a lot of things… Not the least of which is the end of any value connected to the term “Evangelical.” And when people like myself challenge these folks by naming Trump’s ever expanding list of disqualifying statements, it’s hard to get out of those conversations without them bringing up their “Trump Card” (if you will) of Abortion. Every time it reminds me of when the dog from the movie “Up” sees a squirrel… “Sure, he has said some incredibly racist and sexist things, and his immigration plan is pure evil, and he has called for an increase of torture and even the killing of terrorists’ fam… SQUIRREL!! I mean, ABORTION!!”

But before you cast your vote for a man who is objectively the worst major party candidate for president this country has ever seen (and arguably one of its worst representations of compassion or humanity) just because he’s calling himself “Pro-Life, I have some numbers I’d like to show you. Since 1970, the Center for Disease Control has kept track of the number of reported abortions that have taken place in the United States. This information is taken from the CDC’s report on Morbidity and Mortality… and next to the numbers, you can see how the President’s “Pro-Life” or “Pro-Choice” stance actually affected the numbers of abortions for that period of time…


This took me WAY too long to make. So read it…

I know that’s a lot of information, but please take a look at those numbers (by the way, HERE is the link to Nixon’s comments about abortion for biracial pregnancies). Also, it should be pointed out that in these last four years of Obama’s presidency, indications are that the number of abortions has continued to go down. When we have had presidents who support a woman’s right to choose, the number of abortions have gone way down. During pro-life presidencies, the numbers have gone up or stayed stagnant. If what you want is a president who is going to outlaw abortions even when some underage girl has been raped by her uncle, and the pregnancy is putting her life in danger, there are people you can vote for. But if your goal is fewer and fewer abortions, you should be voting for someone who is actually interested in changes in POLICY that give women better access to affordable healthcare, more access to birth control, and sex education that is more nuanced than “Don’t do it because Jesus.” And that person is NOT Donald Trump. You want fewer abortions? The numbers seem to suggest that you should be voting Democrat.



But then, if you are considering voting for Donald Trump, in all likelihood you are not the sort of person who is particularly interested in “facts” or “numbers.” Still, some of you might look at the timeline I put together, and you might–even for the briefest of seconds–consider the idea that you’ve been shystered by people who told you “Vote for me, because I’m against abortion.” When really, there isn’t a chance in hell that they would ever get rid of abortion… Because abortion is the only reason someone calling themselves a follower of Jesus could EVER consider voting for someone like Trump… A liar and a bigot and a charlatan and a narcissist and a philanderer and a fake Christian who is using people’s religious convictions in order to make a power grab. And even though I doubt this is going to change your mind, I’m going to go ahead and push “publish” anyway.

Follow me on Facebook and Twitter. Support me HERE and HERE. Love you guys.

Posted in 1) Jesus, 2) Politics, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 48 Comments

The 7 Best Things About Colin Kaepernick Not Standing Up

In honor of Colin Kaepernick’s #7 jersey, here are seven awesome things about him not standing up for the national anthem…

1.  Another black person didn’t have to die in order for us to discuss racism. We get to talk (for a couple days, at least) about the racial injustice in America without yet another black body lying dead in the streets. It’s kind of refreshing to have this topic being discussed on Facebook without having to try to figure out whether or not the person (whose name just turned into a hashtag) DESERVED to get shot six times after getting pulled over for a broken tail light. It’s a lot easier on the conscience to demonize a rich black athlete who is trying to draw attention to racism than it is to demonize some poor unarmed black kid who got shot while running away police. So that’s one cool thing…


I’m so sick of “athletes” feeling like it’s their place to speak out on political issues. Kids these days are so disrespectful… Not like back when America used to be “great.”

2.  You get to watch cognitive dissonance happen in real time. Guess which people are the most angry about Colin Kaepernick sitting down while the Star Spangled Banner was being sung. Yeah, yeah– I know… White people. That goes without saying. But WHICH white people? If you guessed “The Ones Who Want To Make America Great Again,” you win a shiny new imaginary medal that says, “I’m respected by The Boeskool.” Now, see if you can follow me here–And I’m especially talking to those of you who are reading this post because the title made you angry, and you’re really just skimming through while you are thinking up a really hateful comment: 1) Trump supporters don’t think America is very “great” anymore… So they want to make it great AGAIN. 2) A man sits down to protest some things about America he thinks aren’t so great. 3) You are filled with such outrage and righteous indignation, that you angrily wonder how some spoiled brat could be critical of the greatest country in the world… Nay. The Universe!


Just so we’re clear: White sniper aiming his gun at police and federal agents? Brave Patriot. Black quarterback deciding to not stand during national anthem? Cowardly Traitor.

3.  We get to learn about the racist history of the Star Spangled Banner. I’ve read two really informative articles about our national anthem in the past 24 hours: One HERE by Jason Johnson that was written before this whole Kaepernick hubbub, and one HERE by John Schwarz that was written after. You should read them both. I didn’t even know the Star Spangled Banner had more than one verse. The third verse is quite a doozy. Here it the second half:

“No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.”

A lot of people know that Francis Scott Key (a slave-owner himself) wrote the song about the War of 1812, but most people don’t know that one of the reasons the British were successful in this war was because they recruited black men to fight for them in return for offering them their freedom… These were the “hireling and slave” that would shortly meet their doom in Key’s catchy tune. Turns out Francis Scott Key “supported sending free blacks (not slaves) back to Africa and, with a few exceptions, was about as pro-slavery, anti-black and anti-abolitionist as you could get at the time.” Think about THAT next time you’re taking off your hat and hitting that high note…

4.  This awesome quote from an interview with Colin Kaepernick. Think about it:

“You have people who practice law and are lawyers who go to school for eight years, but you can become a cop in six months, and don’t have to have the same amount of training as a cosmetologist. That’s insane. I mean, someone that’s holding a curling iron has more education and more training than people who have a gun and are going out on the street to protect us.

Here’s the video clip…


Dip shits ironically exercising their right to free speech…

5.  Getting to watch white people get really, really upset. I know… I’m sorry. But I have to admit, it’s a whole lot of fun for me to watch white people lose their minds. And–full disclosure–I’m white. But I can’t be the only one who finds white outrage fueled by faux patriotism at least a *little* entertaining, right? That is, if you can get past how truly tragic it all is… And you don’t let the startling ignorance behind it get you down… And if doesn’t gross you completely out when they pimp out pictures of soldiers who lost their limbs or their lives as examples of “real heroes,” instead of cowards like Colin Kaepernick… Hopefully, if you can get past all that, you can maybe giggle a little bit at the picture of a couple of white dudes burning an $85 jersey of a young man who DARED to exercise his right to free speech… You know, that same thing that gives them the right to burn his jersey in protest of him not being patriotic enough? On a side note, how much do you want to bet I can guess who these two are planning on voting for?

6.  Getting a great look at the REAL religion in America: Nationalism. People talk about “Separation of Church and State,” but this is really an impossible task when the true religion of this country IS the State. To test this out, sometime just give this a try: Say something critical about Christianity, and then see what kind of reaction you get. THEN, say something critical about USA. Suggest that racism is at the very heart of this nation. Suggest that maybe soldiers are dying for nothing. Sit down while everyone else is standing up… See what happens. See which act of criticism is truly out of bounds. But it makes sense, if you think about it. The State has the ultimate authority–The authority to kill. If someone claims to kill someone else “for God,” they are looked at as a crazy person, but most people seem to be just fine with killing state-sanctioned killings. Killing in the name of God? Crazy fanatic. Killing in the name of the State? Patriotic hero. But I better be careful… Saying this kind of stuff can get me in really big trouble, right?

7.  That hair tho… I’m serious. If I had that head of hair, I’d be running for president.

Screen Shot 2016-08-29 at 12.04.59 AM.png

So keep up the good work, Colin Kaepernick. Keep speaking the truth, even when it’s hard. Even when it triggers people’s white fragility. Even when people call you a coward for being brave enough to speak up. And even when it feels like you’re the only one…

Listen. I know you like this blog. And that’s awesome, because I like writing it. If you like the stuff I’ve written, you should share it with the people you know. And if you value my writing, you can support it by giving a couple bucks a month. If all my readers did this, I’d be able to afford to buy my kids fancy things… Like food. So BECOME A PATRON! Or give on PayPal. It’s easy, and all the cool kids are doing it.



Posted in 1) Jesus, 2) Politics, 4) All Of The Above, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments