Monthly Archives: October 2011

Candy, Toilet Paper, and Halloween Cleavage

It started out as all great evenings do: With a plastic Spiderman mask, a rubber band, and some red and blue Underoos. I loved everything about Halloween… Walking out into the crisp, Fall air with nothing but a cheap, plastic pumpkin with a … Continue reading

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Old Yeller, Forrest Gump, and Other Things That Make Me Less Manly

Okay, if I keep writing these long posts, this is going to start feeling like work instead of feeling like creativity and fun. This one should be shorter (ding!). I have cried three different times this evening. This is not … Continue reading

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Mormons, Muslims, And Mitt Romney

You know how when people say, “I don’t want to sound racist, but…” you can be sure that the next thing out of their mouth is going to be about as racist as something can be? Well, I don’t want … Continue reading

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Sacrificing Our Children to the Nation-State

Not too long ago, while I was guiding the sandwich artist in the creation of my Subway sub, a man in a military uniform walked in. Man? I suppose he was a man…. If he wasn’t in a uniform, I would have … Continue reading

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Language, Class, and Shit….

Shit. I’ve never had a problem with the language of the poor. Especially the word “shit.” And then, especially when referring to excrement. For example, I don’t think that saying, “I just stepped in dog poop” is any less offensive than … Continue reading

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I Really Don’t Care About “Getting People Saved.”

I walked out of one of my schools today and a woman in a Burka was walking toward me. It was one of the ones where everything is covered other than her face–not one of the less sexy ones with the … Continue reading

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Good News: It’s someone else’s fault you’re fat!

I used to have a six pack–the kind of washboard abs that would startle girls who poked or playfully punched me in the stomach (especially if I saw it coming–“No, I didn’t just tighten it up. It’s always like that…”). Once, … Continue reading

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A Common Sense (Non-Religious) Case Against Guns

Let’s imagine, for a second, that a junkie walks up to you and says, “Give me all your money, or I am going to cut you!” Unarmed, you quickly hand over all your money. You call the police and make … Continue reading

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I’ve been known to be critical of Christians….

“First, I would suggest that all of you Christians live more like Jesus Christ. Second, I would suggest that you practice your Christianity without adulterating it. The anomalous situation is that most of us would be equally shocked to see … Continue reading

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