I am a piece of crap.

This guy is so much better than Leno.

Of this I am sure. As I lie here on the couch streaming Conan The Barbarian on Netflix while drinking leftover Cherry Coke from an earlier trip to Chik-Fil-A, few things have been clearer to me. I dream of greatness, but I have been cursed with a debilitating sense of contentment to go along with an immobilizing procrastination that stifles the few moments of genuine motivation and and inspiration that I have.

I remember hearing the word “potential” as early as 1st grade in reference to me. “He has great potential, but he doesn’t try hard enough,” they would say. It has followed me my whole life–in my grades (I managed a whole lot of really nice B+’s and bragged about how I got them without doing any homework, as if that were something to brag about), in sports (the only reason I was any good at sports was because it was fun and I had some natural ability),  and even (I believed) in my relationship with God–Long on talent and potential, short on ambition and follow-through. Nice to meet you. My name is Chris and I rarely finish what I

I’ve got a few good qualities too. I’m a pretty good guy most of the time. I’m less selfish than I used to be, and I’m way more correctable. I genuinely love to have my mind changed, though it doesn’t happen very often (certainly not as often as it should). I care very deeply about things, and I sometimes have the ability to transpose that passion to other people. I need to create, or I start to freak out and act more and more like a jack ass (I am rarely as driven as when I’m being creative). I can write. I can create music. I can tell a story. I can make people laugh. I suppose my hope is that this blog will give me a way to create, while I practice following through.

So what’s the reason for this blog entry? I started writing another post that was critical of some stuff a lot of churches are doing, and I was reminded (for some reason) of my own inconsistencies and hypocrisies, and how I fall short all the time–even when I mean well, and how talking/writing about things that need to be changed is not necessarily the same thing as working to change those things. And how we all need grace.

That being said, there’s some shit that needs to change, and I’m fittin’ to write about it.

We all need Grace.

So as I sit here and watch the former governor of California chop off James Earl Jones’ head, I’m inspired to take small steps to change the world. However, it looks like you can stream Conan the Destroyer too, and that’s the one with Wilt Chamberlain and Grace Jones….

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4 Responses to I am a piece of crap.

  1. Jeff Boeskool says:

    Totally off-topic (so that may make it pertinent); I ask you forthrightly why ” The Boeskool”? I have a vested interest. As you will see my my email address.

  2. theboeskool says:

    It’s my last name. You Dutch? Also, how do you pronounce your last name? Mine is kind of like “Baa” as in sheep and “Skull” as in head.

    • jeff boeskool says:

      Yup. Me too. Born and raised in Grand Rapids, Michigan, 40 miles from Holland, Michigan (Tulip Festival, Windmill Village.. etc.). Very Dutch. But I migrated to Alaska 20+ years ago. We grew up pronouncing our last name Baaa-School. But we also heard Boo-School, and sometimes Boo-skoal in reference to our grandparents. We always called my grandmother Gramma Boose. Heard as a boy that Boes was “farm” or “farmer” and “kool” was cabbage. A cheap meal eaten by poor people. Seems appropriate somehow.

  3. theboeskool says:

    No kidding. I grew up in Grand Haven and went to Calvin College. You know what they say: If you ain’t Dutch, you ain’t much….

    Alaska, huh? That’s pretty cool. I moved down South. Nice (virtually) meeting you!

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