Here’s Why Trump’s Hand Size Actually Matters

It’s a silly thing, right? Hand size? I mean, here’s the real question: What kind of person argues about the size of their hands? 

A couple of days ago, I posted a picture of Donald Trump on my Facebook page. He was standing between Melania and President Obama, and I noticed something. His hands looked small. Startlingly small. Like, “so small that I had to do some research to make sure it wasn’t photoshopped” small. So I did my research before posting it to insure that I was not adding to the sea of fake images out there, and–sure enough–it was real. His hands appeared to be dwarfed by ALL THREE of their hands… Barack’s, Michelle’s, and Melania’s. So I posted the image, and I captioned it “Look at those tiny little doll hands.” Here is an uncropped image of the four of them standing there… Hands exposed.

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Michelle is cracking up because she’s imagining giving him five…

Now, you can imagine what the comments might be like when someone posts something like this on Facebook. There were people poking fun, there were people wondering (like I did) if the image was photoshopped there were people pointing out the childishness and cruelty involved in making fun of something about a person’s body which he had no control over, there were the inevitable allusions to what small hands meant to the size of his penis… Which led to the best joke on the thread, “Besides, I’m sure his penis looks huge when held by those tiny hands.” And then there was me threatening to block anyone who made me think of Donald Trump’s penis ever again–You know… the usual.

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Which Bible do you want to be sworn in on, Mr. Trump? “Just bring me the smallest one you’ve got–I need my hands to look YUGE.”

But I spent some time thinking about the criticism leveled against us for discussing and making fun of this man’s body… A body that I whole-heartedly believe is made in the image of God, and is worthy of being loved. I was accused of bullying–which didn’t set well with me (It wasn’t bullying, by the way. I worked for close to 10 years teaching kids about bullying, and in order for someone to get bullied, there has to be an imbalance of power. Which is why Trump mocking Serge Kovaleski’s disabled arm WAS bullying, but since Trump holds arguably the most powerful position on the planet right now, me poking fun of his doll hands was NOT bullying). But it certainly wasn’t kind. And I freely admit–It was far from my best self. I tried to figure out why I cared one way or the other. Do I really care that it’s been proven that Trump’s hands smaller than 85% of male hands? I’m not usually the sort who shames a person because of a body difference… Although–like many of us–the chances of me saying something cruel usually go up when I don’t like someone… And I really, REALLY don’t like this guy. I was probably letting down Michelle, because she said, “When they go low, we go high,” and here I was… Going low by posting this picture of his obviously small hands. And who wants to let down Michelle? Nobody, that’s who… WHAT DIFFERENCE DID IT MAKE?!?

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I used this photo in my last blog, but it was too perfect to not use again. Feel free to make your own funny caption. This one writes itself…

And then, it came to me. I figured why it matters that Trump’s hands are small, and pointing that out is an important thing to do. Hear me out…

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I’d choose this SNL character for president before I’d vote for the one we have.

I’m bald. Not COMPLETELY bald… Like most men who have gone bald, I still have a little bit of hair around the sides. UN-like most men, I can grow a kick ass full beard in NO time, baby… But I digress. There is no denying it… I’m bald. So imagine that someone said about me, “Hey, that guy is bald!” I’d be like, “Yup, I don’t have very much hair left… You’re right.” Because that’s what normal people do. I might make a joke and say something about how “I think God took away my hair because He didn’t feel like it was fair to everyone else for me to be this smart, this funny, AND have a full head of hair.” But if someone called me bald, and then I went on and on with some deranged rant about how “I HAVE THE BEST HAIR!” when clearly my hair was mostly gone, I would be showing a serious mental deficiency. One that is so serious, it should probably keep me out of office. Hell, it should probably keep me out of MOST jobs.

And I get that he is sensitive about this. It started over 30 years ago, with a man named Graydon Carter (who is now the editor of Vanity Fair). In THIS FASCINATING ARTICLE, Carter recalls Trump sitting next to a model named Vendela. Here is an excerpt…

I sat Trump beside Vendela, thinking that she would get a kick out of him. This was not the case. After 45 minutes she came over to my table, almost in tears, and pleaded with me to move her. It seems that Trump had spent his entire time with her assaying the “tits” and legs of the other female guests and asking how they measured up to those of other women, including his wife. “He is,” she told me, in words that seemed familiar, “the most vulgar man I have ever met.”

In 1988, Carter wrote an article about Trump where he called him a “short-fingered vulgarian.” By all estimations, this really got under Trump’s thin skin. So much so that, every so often over the last few decades (and as recently as 2015), Trump has sent Carter pictures of himself, cut out of magazines, with his hands circled in gold Sharpie, with a note that says, See? Not so short. Again, I ask you: What kind of person does this?

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I can’t even SEE his stubby fingers because all I can look at is how his eyes and mouth are interchangeable…

So listen. Clearly. CLEARLY this dude has extra small hands. No big deal. But, CLEARLY. Except that he has spent a ridiculous amount of time defending his hands as not being small. He held them up to be examined during a presidential debate, desperate to refute the claims of their smallness. He defended their size when he alluded to the size of his penis during a nationally televised debate, drawing on a mythical correlation. And honestly, if this blog post went super viral, I would not be AT ALL surprised if he sent his Press Secretary out to defend the size of his hands to the American people.

How do you describe this as anything but CRAZY?

What healthy-minded, small-handed people do when someone points out how small their hands are, is they say, “Yeah, they are a bit small.” Maybe they make a joke… Maybe not. But what they DON’T do is they don’t start demanding that the facts are not the facts. And this is what Donald Trump does. About everything. He did it about his hands, he did it about the number of people at the inauguration, and he has done it multiple times now about the numbers of the popular vote. THIS IS WHY PICTURES OF HIS TINY HANDS BEING DWARFED BY MELANIA’S HANDS ARE IMPORTANT TO TALK ABOUT. Not because bigger hands mean more strength and virility. Not because we’re trying to be cruel (though I believe it’s important to keep forcing him to see that SO MANY in this country disapprove of him). But because FACTS MATTER. And this is just one more piece of evidence that the man we elected as president is unfit for the presidency. I genuinely believe that he is not right in the head. Dangerously so. And I don’t mean that in a way that diminishes the worth and value of people struggling with mental illness. I say it in the same way that I would not want a person who is blind flying a plane… Especially a plane that is carrying 350 million people.

This administration is trying to sell us “alternative facts.” But alternative facts have a name… They’re called “lies.” When Trump tries to pass along those miniature sausages as “normal-sized” fingers, he is functioning in the realm of alternative facts. And alternative facts are lies. Stop lying.

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18 Responses to Here’s Why Trump’s Hand Size Actually Matters

  1. Zutalurs says:

    And with this article you have reminded me that Trump, like everyone of us, is a broken person who struggles with pain and insecurity. You have reminded me that Trump, and the country that voted him into office, is hurting and needs and DESERVES our prayers for healing. While it doesn’t seem to have been your intention, you brought humanity to this man, who I had started thinking of as just a force of ignorance and destruction. But you reminded me that his actions and words are the result of the brokenness of his spirit and the failings if his own ego. If anything, you made him more sympathetic to me, while at the same time reminding me of the large number of people who must be so much more broken than Trump that they see him as a beacon of hope.

    • theboeskool says:

      Thanks. He is certainly a human being, and certainly deserving of love… But that fact does not mean he is fit to fly the plane, you know?

      • Zutalurs says:

        I don’t disagree that he’s not fit to lead the country. But, his brokenness is what led him to seek that office, so I don’t really fault him for running. We can’t blame the man for winning the office. That blame falls on the shoulders of the people who voted for him.

  2. I think his hands of the wrong focus if you want to point out that alt facts are lies, and that Trump and his administration are pernicious with alt facts. Something that wouldn’t get your entire message dismissed by the other side, assuming that you are hoping to convince and persuade rather than just shout out to people who already agree with you, would be this same exact article based rounds the photos of the inaugurations. Those visually show that alt facts are lies, and they don’t have an element of distracting cruelty, or bullying. We have lots of examples of alt facts as lies, it’s probably more effective to focus on the ones that aren’t loaded with other emotional things that would allow the message to be dismissed. Because this is a damn good message. Keep it up!

  3. Well, Zutalurs, I suppose that’s one (totally skewered) way of looking at it.
    Now read it again, preferably while employing the part inside your skull that computes actual logic.

    • theboeskool says:

      It’s okay to remember this guy is human. He is broken in a lot of ways. He is unfit for the presidency, but if he weren’t a danger to so many, I would never focus on pointing out all his crap. Don’t you think?

    • Zutalurs says:

      If you think my view of Trump is skewed, then you probably think Jesus’s view of any of us is skewed. Guess what, God loves Donald J Trump just as much as He loves you or me. And God wants our hearts to be broken over this man and how damaged he must be that the size of his hands is such an important topic for him. More importantly, I believe God wants our hearts to be broken for the country that would vote this man into the highest office.

      • Charles Applegate says:

        Pretty sure that the Christian god sends people like Trump to hell. Christ might love him; God would damn him.

  4. veronica says:

    The whole “small hands” thing bothered me a lot but I wasn’t really sure why, and you hit the nail on the head. And this morning comes news that Trump is going to order an investigation into the millions of illegal voters that caused him to lose the popular vote to Hillary. That’s just throwing away good money that is needed in so many places. What a waste! This man and his “alternative facts” is going to be the end of the United States as we know it. I truly believe that. God help us.

  5. Jeff Cann says:

    A well made point. The administration’s “alternate facts” are pointing out that Trump lives in an alternate reality. He’s already learned that if he says something enough times, people believe him (Hillary lies. Man that’s ironic). The other day, I realized the headlines were reminding me of Orwell’s 1984. When I called the library to reserve this fifty year old book, I learned that the three copies were already checked out. I guess I’m not the only one thinking this. I have pretty small hands. It doesn’t really bother me.

  6. Pingback: Here’s Why Trump’s Hand Size Actually Matters – The Dissidunce

  7. Thank you. I had to Press This.

  8. H says:

    I appreciate that you are calling alternative facts lies, instead of “falsehoods”. What is a falsehood anyway? A lie is a lie is a lie. And liars are liars.

  9. Thank you for posting! This give me the strength to post my 3rd ever post on Saturday, involving Spanx and Trump. #resist -Marie aka http://www.goldisfromaliens.com

  10. Pingback: The Two Best Quotes About Trump You’ll See Today | The Boeskool

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