Fun With People Who Think I’m Going To Hell

Well, a few days ago I wrote a post about this whole Kim Davis fiasco, and I learned a few things. Here’s the main one: There are a lot of crazy people out there. And this Kim Davis issue is like a perfect storm to pull the crazies out of the woodwork–It combines all the controversy of same-sex marriage, all the fear of Biblical Literalists who are watching the world rapidly change around them, and all the anger over a perceived Christian persecution.  And the anonymity the internet provides only seems to amplify the crazy.

Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.52.49 AMI don’t want to submit you to the near torture of having to plow through the almost 400 comments on my PREVIOUS POST, so I’ve taken some pictures of some of my favorites. There were many folks who seemed very interested in telling me I’m not a “real Christian.”
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.59.32 AMScreen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.57.25 AMScreen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.25.21 AMSome folks seemed to place the blame of my errant theology on my pastor, though SOMETHING TELLS ME this isn’t going to be the thing that causes my pastor to resign….
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.55.22 AMSome folks were angrier than other…. Like “Will Be Done,” for example. (Note to self: Build a time machine, go back to the late 1980’s, then start a career as a Christian rapper named “Will B. Done”)
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 10.00.18 AMAs my wife pointed out, “Will Be Done” was indeed correct…. I am NOT, in fact, a “godly woman.” It seemed like most of the folks who wanted me to “read the Bible” were more than a little interested in making sure that I was reading the King James Version….
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.52.03 AMI tried to reply to some of the comments. Many times I kept thing very “matter-of-fact.”
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.13.59 AMBut this just seemed to make people even angrier….
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.39.16 AMScreen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.22.49 AMI tried to keep my replies kind….
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.45.10 AMScreen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.54.19 AM
But I am only human, and my inner Snark inevitably starts to rear its ugly head….
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.57.59 AMI *tried* to be as helpful as possible, but sometimes the snark has a mind of its  own….
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.16.50 AMScreen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.17.33 AM
Some people did not appreciate my particular brand of snark….
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 11.07.44 AMScreen Shot 2015-09-07 at 11.08.23 AMBut that didn’t keep me from trying to have some fun….
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.44.36 AMScreen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.34.56 AMScreen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.46.18 AMScreen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.15.50 AMYeah. In the interest of comedy, I can tend to skew a bit immature. Sue me. Anyway, another thing that I’ve learned through all of this is that there seems to be a positive correlation between belligerent fundamentalists and the inability to know the difference between “YOUR” and “YOU’RE.”
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.18.54 AMAnd it seems I’m not the only person to notice this fact. I did have a few sane visitors stop by and leave some comments as well….
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.51.31 AMSometimes their comments were way funnier than mine….
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.47.08 AMIf you’re not careful, you can let a comments section overwhelm you and injure your faith in humanity….
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.41.52 AMBut we have to remember that this is not an accurate sampling of the sanity of humanity. These are the crazy people…. Most of the sane ones know to stay away from this kind of garbage.
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.20.56 AMStill, seeing glimpses of reason in a sea of craziness feels pretty good sometimes….
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.56.29 AMSo I don’t mind it. Even when the comments seem overwhelmingly insane, it still means that there are some people out there who are reading my stuff who really need to read it. Maybe a little bit might even sink in….
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 9.36.15 AM10yvf8m

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34 Responses to Fun With People Who Think I’m Going To Hell

  1. Susan says:

    Now I wish I would have read the comments (something I try not to do for purposes of retaining the last remaining shreds of my sanity) so that I could come to your defense. So many of these people claiming to be Christian were straight lambasting you and being purely hateful. I can’t fathom how they don’t see the irony in that. At any rate, Chris, I always support you and love your outlook. I especially love the snark.

    • Shannon says:

      I agree with all you wrote Susan, and I love your writing Chris.

      I am appalled at how people who call themselves Christian treat you. Such ignorant vitriol! They should be ashamed of themselves! If they actually read and studied the Bible, they would understand that everything you wrote about IS in there.

      Keep up the great writing. The “learned” among us appreciate your common sense.

  2. Beej says:

    Hahaha! “You need to grow a comma”!!!! I nearly spit out my drink. Well played, sir

  3. Zack says:

    Wow. I couldn’t even make it through this whole post! I’ve thought about starting a ‘politics and religion’ blog, but now I don’t think I’d have time to answer all the comments.

  4. Jamie Carter says:

    Sounds like a lot of Christians missed Jesus’ real message: love your neighbor as yourself and the golden rule – do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Jesus was never about forcing his teachings on others. But at least you get it. I just wish i knew how to get the message across to those who didn’t get it.

  5. Julie Hill says:

    The latest from Kim Davis’ husband (who, if my score keeping is accurate, is husband #1 and #4, and father to child conceived while she was still married to #3) insisting that the Governor step in to get her released reportedly included his advice to the Governor to “do your job or resign.” This is so beyond the looking glass that I sometimes wonder if we have shifted to an alternate universe.

    I agree with most of what you write, and enjoy reading and thinking about all of what you write. Keep it coming! Feel free to add bonus snark.

  6. Juniper says:

    I am not a Christian, but I thoroughly enjoy your blogs. You are one of the few that make any sense to me and I think that it is important that your voice be heard in the sea of craziness that is the internet.

    • troy says:

      I am in the same boat Juniper, I’ve been a follower for years. on the more contentious topics, I have found our host to find and express compassion for the targets of haters…definitely one of the good humans.

  7. noblethemes says:

    Wow! And you’ve just provided SOME responses??? Hey, at least you got a lot of traffic! 😉 Well, anyway, very sad but entertaining replies, to say the least! Thanks for sharing! LOL And all the best to you … even if you ARE going to hell! LMAO Seriously, blessings to you and yours.

  8. Linda says:

    I about died laughing when I read all of the “Christians” taking you to task and sending you to Hell (my husband kept turning up the tv so he could hear over my comments and laughter). I wonder who died and made them judge and executioner? Many years ago I read that homosexuality was only made a “sin” because of it being part of a Pagan celebration. So, there ya go! I almost want to actually speak personally to these people who seem to have God on speed dial and see if I can get his phone number too as I have questions. 😀 Please keep up the good work! I appreciate snark too!

  9. Candy says:

    I’m a fairly new follower and have enjoyed and agreed with all your posts, including the one about Kim Davis. Your comment about Biblical Literalists leads me to believe you aren’t one, which surprises me a little. Since this term is used differently by different authors, would you mind sharing your definition? Thank you.

    • theboeskool says:

      Hey Candy. There is a whole lot that goes into this answer, but basically it’s this. There is math truth and there is poetry truth. I believe the Bible is true, but I don’t believe that it is “Math” truth. It is not an accounting ledger that we are supposed to use to figure out how old the earth is. For example, don’t believe the story of Jonah is meant for us to believe that God ACTUALLY kept a man alive inside of a giant fish for three days, and then vomited him onto the shore. That doesn’t make the story “UNTRUE” necessarily…. It just makes it true in a different way. One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest is one of the truest things I have ever seen, but whether it actually happened is not the point. Here is a bit more about that: https://theboeskool.com/2014/03/18/a-love-letter-to-fred-phelps/

      For the best explanation I have ever seen, you should read this: http://robbellcom.tumblr.com/post/66107373947/what-is-the-bible
      There are almost 80 entries, but they are so SO good.

      • A Native American shaman ended a mythic story from his religion with, “Now, just because this might not have happened exactly the way I told it, that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.” When I heard that, it stopped me dead in my tracks.

        There’s history-and-science-true, and then there’s mythic-true. And it’s okay if something’s mythic-true but not history-and-science-true as long as people are honest about it. The oldest stories of our species have lasted for so long for a reason, and that reason isn’t because they were so incredibly historically accurate (do we really think Gilgamesh gained the secret recipe for immortality from Utnapishtim? Or that Hercules really went down to the underworld once to fetch back his host’s dead wife because all that noisy mourning was making him crazy?). Christian literalists have been taught that they must have a 100% literally objectively true religion, but that need is what spells their own downfall: when even one little tiny thing gets shown to be totally objectively false, then the whole house of cards collapses. In an age of increasing scientific and historical discovery, the only way to maintain Biblical literacy is through increasingly extreme willful ignorance and the savage indoctrination and stifling of young minds. So I’ve got way more of a problem with believers making false claims about their religion’s historical accuracy than I do with religions’ mythic nature. A Christian who understands that mythic nature is one I’ll probably get along with just fine.

        Sometimes I wonder why so many Christians seem to get so hung up on the Great Commission that they forget all about the Great Commandment. Best wishes — Cas

      • theboeskool says:

        It has to do with a Greek way of looking at things instead of a Hebraic way of looking at things. It’s all messed up, and it has a lot of momentum behind it…. It’s going to take a long time to get sorted out.

        Your kind of sanity is always welcome here, Cas. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

      • Candy says:

        I appreciate that you took the time to reply to my question and for the links you provided. After reading several of Rob Bell’s posts about Jonah and the Flood, which I found interesting, I listened to some of his videos. In an interview with Oprah he referred to the Bible dismissively as “some letters written 2,000 years ago.” In another interview his explanation of “the cross” was humanistic and void of sound bible doctrine. It seems like he is off base. I also noted that others consider him a false teacher, although I realize I can’t draw such a conclusion myself without more knowledge of him. I do have to wonder, though, why Oprah likes him so much. That is not a positive indication, in my opinion.

  10. Very entertaining comments! The tone of the exchanges reminded me of something from my past:

  11. Dan Bain says:

    So. Much. Hilarity! Can’t. Take. It!

    Seriously, kudos to you. Keep up the good work, and don’t let the crazies get you down!

  12. Joe Hadley says:

    Thought you might enjoy this from a friend…thanks for your thoughts… If you are a person spending any minutes discussing your “faith-based anti-gay marriage” stance while terrified babies are slipping out of their desperate parents’ arms and into churning, deep, dark waters never to be seen again . . . well, you’re looking at the reason the world has become less and less interested in your “faith based anything.”Entering into relief work with the refugees = hard. Complaining about gay people getting married= easy. Stop choosing the easy thing and pretending that “defending God” is your cross to bear. God didn’t ask you to defend God. God is bigger than you and doesn’t need your protection. But God’s CHILDREN DO NEED YOUR PROTECTION. God’s children are dying for the hope of safety for their families. Shift your energy to them. Let us all quit acting like we have anything to do with the fact that we were lucky enough to have been born on third base, while millions are starving outside the stadium. Why are some Christians so obsessed with “saving” people until there are actually people who need saving? I would like to suggest that every Christian choose a faith tenant that requires HER family to change and to act and to sacrifice instead of somebody else’s. So no- you won’t see me discussing gay marriage for the same reason you won’t see me discussing the pros and cons of re-instituting separate water fountains for black and white people. Because it would be insane. We’re done with that. The battle is won. And about Trump? NO. Not my circus- not my monkeys. These are serious times and they call for serious people.The two most repeated phrases in the Bible are FEAR NOT. REMEMBER. If any of your faith leaders is fear mongering, telling you to build walls instead tearing them down, instead of scaling them to feed hungry people, encouraging any sort of us vs. them mentality…THINK HARD.The Gospel says: Do not be afraid. Re-member. Re-member is the opposite of dis-member. When we shut our doors to our own family: when we are afraid of each other – we are dismembered. The kingdom of God comes when we treat each other like KIN. Like family. When we RE-MEMBER.Fear not. Remember.GP.S. Guess who else were penniless refugees fleeing a dangerous homeland, trying to find safety and welcome on foreign soil? Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. I rather enjoyed her piece..Joe The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention…Oscar Wilde

    Date: Mon, 7 Sep 2015 16:56:58 +0000 To: bjhadley@hotmail.com

    • Ivana Frantz says:

      Joe Hadley, thank you for the many reminders of what’s it all about. Your comment was most thought worthy.

    • Darla says:

      “But denunciatory rhetoric is so much easier and cheaper than good works, and proves a popular temptation. Yet is it far better to light the candle than to curse the darkness.” William Lonsdale Watkinson, Wesleyan minister, 1907

  13. Kelly says:

    “Grow a comma”…could NOT love this any more!
    Keep writing and I will definitely keep reading!

  14. Linda says:

    Sad, sad, sad, sad that so many Christians are full of so much hate. Reaffirms my belief that I’m better off leaving that Christianity stuff alone!

  15. As some point, the thinking Christian will move on from such vitriol. However, those who refuse to embrace the fuller expression of Christ’s love will simmer in self-righteousness and reap the rewards of such. Those rewards will be badges of false martyrdom and self isolation. It is incumbent on the rest of Christianity to pray for these people, that they will come to know the peace of God’s love.

    • jh says:

      They will evolve and re-trench. These anti-gay christian bigots are the spiritual descendents of the anti-interracial christian bigots who were the spiritual descendents of the anti-civil rights christian bigots. Conservative religious animus towards minorities is something that has lasted for a very long time. I suspect that there will be conservative christians who will plant their flag on a hill sometime in the future because “god doesn’t approve of action x or person y”. There will always be someone the conservative christian wants to oppress.

      • It’s got to be driving them crazy that they’re running out of victims to oppress. There aren’t many left. They’re know that same-sex marriage is lost (except for the hucksters still fleecing the flocks over it). They are turning their thousand eyes to trans people, and there are always women’s rights to try to roll back, but other than that who can be the next victims of conservative persecution? Immigrants, it appears to be.

  16. kuu11 says:

    Probably not a good idea to read this at work…..four eyes comment made me laugh so hard everyone was looking at me like I was crazy!

    I must say though I learned a new replacement word for when I stub my toe in front of my impressionable children….FUCHSIA!!! Sounds better than fudge LOL

    Keep writing Chris and keep it really snarky!…Im so glad I found your blog a couple years ago and thoroughly look forward to finding an email about a new post!

  17. Whoa. It’s very hard for me to recognize my religion in these people. Let alone see one shred of Jesus in them. Thanks for sharing the comments, and I’m glad y0u chose laughter over crying. However, when I think that these people are probably raising children, it does bring on the tears. Those poor children, most especially if they’re gay! Ah well, God is love. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. I think I read that somewhere.

  18. sarah.vetoe@gmail.com says:

    I vacillate between being completely exasperated and feeling incredibly sorry for some of these folks. My favorite Christian is the one that hasn’t bothered to take into account the fact that calling ourselves Christian automatically means that we are bound under the New Covenant. They rail about the Old Testament and don’t ever realize that it’s only really in the Good Book to demonstrate our God’s great love for us. He was unbending, unforgiving, judgmental, able to take a faithful servant like Job and play with his life as if he were a chess piece. This is the God that slew the first born of every Egyptian non-believer. This God willingly became a forgiving, loving, understanding God by giving His first born and only Son for our sins. Anyone who has received grace throws that grace into the garbage the minute they persecute the maligned or the minority. That is something Jesus was VERY clear about. It’s discouraging that there is such a misconception out there. Not only do most of these folks think that the KJV of the Bible is the most accurate translation – Jeez, guys, read a history book, but they fail to understand basic Chiristian tenants. With Christ’s sacrifice he sealed the New Covenant that doesn’t demand that women don’t hold positions of power, that doesn’t suggest that we smite our enemies, that doesn’t say a word about homosexuality and more specifically nothing about gay marriage. Jesus does have a heck of a lot to say about hypocrisy. He was very clear on that and what position hypocrites will hold in the Kingdom. Educate yourselves, folks. Don’t depend on your sidewalk preacher who has never formally studied or listened to debate or other opinions. Better yet, study yourselves! Your argument is invalid until you do.

  19. Kari says:

    “Solomon and gomora” was by far my favorite.

  20. Everyone knows Adam and Steve were not in Genesis. Mike Rutherford, Phil Collins, and Tony Banks were.

  21. I think you do right in pointing people’s hatred and anger towards you and your views, and as one of the comments below said, the golden rule in Christianity is love and these people telling you that they are better Christians than you with messages of hatred is ironical. Only, and I mean no offense, but maybe you could have applied the golden rule and answer with more love than sarcasm. And maybe you could have abstained from calling them crazy because you disagree or because of their reactions. Don’t you think that’s how Jesus would have reacted?

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