Do you ever look at the relentless stream of horribleness coming from the mind & mouth & cell phone of the person occupying the Oval Office and think to yourself, “What kind of person would support this monster?” I do. It’s stunning. I am bewildered & disheartened on a daily basis as seemingly intelligent & relatively moral people throw their support behind a truly despicable demagogue. And like so many others, that’s the thing that leaves me feeling the most hopeless: Not that someone as broken as trump exists… Not even that someone like him could rise to power… But that — even after the despicable display of dishonesty & depravity, incompetence & bigotry we have seen over the past three and a half years — there are still a sizable group of people out there who are excited having him lead our nation.
I remember reading an article a few years ago that tried to quantify what sorts of people were voting for a person like trump. They analysis found FIVE UNIQUE CLUSTERS OF TRUMP SUPPORTERS: “American Preservationists (20%), Staunch Conservatives (31%), Anti-Elites (19%), Free Marketeers (25%), and the Disengaged (5%).” And as good of a job as that did of summing up his support after the 2016 election, I believe that — over the shit show we have witnessed over this presidency — some other important groups have formed. Here are ten that I have come up with:
DISCLAIMER: My analysis is not based on surveys or science… It is based both on what I have witnessed with the people around me (in real life, and on social media), and on what I thought would be somewhat funny and fun to read. Also, it should be pointed out that people can DEFINITELY fit into more than one category… So the percentages are an estimation, and do not add up to 100%.
1. ONE ISSUE VOTERS (31%). These are mostly “christian” folks to whom you can show an endless amount of evidence that trump is morally bankrupt & evil, and they will end up talking about abortion every single time. Despite the fact that if you want fewer abortions, you should be voting for democrats… Despite the fact that God prescribes abortions in the Bible & seems to be pro-abortion… Despite the logical inconsistencies of anti-abortion folks who believe that “saving souls” is what it’s all about… There are always going to be those who would happily vote for the love child of Lucifer & Jeffrey Dahmer if he slapped a “Pro-Life” sticker on his lapel.
2. BILLIONAIRES (< 1%). It’s a good time to be rich. If you are a person whose wealth is tied to the markets, the last 12 years or so have been good to you. Over the course of the pandemic, billionaires have gotten $637 BILLION richer (though that info was from August 3, so it’s more than that by now). But as this meme shows, that’s not you or me:
Which leads me to the third group…
3. IDIOTS (12% – 79%). Some folks are just dumb. God bless ’em… Either our educational system has failed them, or they were homeschooled by parents who were homeschooled, or they were taught at some defunct Bible College that science is the devil… I don’t know. They can’t figure out that they are voting against their own interests, they don’t know when they’re being lied to, they can’t recognize a reputable source. There are a lot of trump supporters out there who make the movie “Idiocracy” look eerily prophetic. His biggest demographic is non-college-educated white men. But like their hero said, “I love the poorly educated.”
4. DICTATORS (< 1%). Enemies of America LOVE this president… Partially because they love seeing America slip from a place of international power & respect, partially because they enjoy watching us tear each other apart while the moron in the White House enflames racial division, but ALSO because trump LOVES himself some dictators. He regularly criticizes leaders of democratic countries while repeatedly praising authoritarian strongmen. Luckily, they can’t vote. Unfortunately, they CAN spend vast sums of money to influence the election in trump’s favor — Usually taking advantage of members of group number 3…
5. KARENS (6%). If you are an insufferable, middle-aged white woman with short, frosted hair, who calls the police when Black folks don’t give you the respect you think you are entitled to, who will threaten to sue someone who flips you off as you speed by them in your giant SUV, who would like to speak to the manager RIGHT NOW, and who is prone to selling essential oils while sharing dubious anti-vaccination articles, there is a pretty good chance you’re voting for trump.
6. PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BURN IT ALL DOWN (9%). These can be Bernie Bros… They can be charismatic christians who believe that they are somehow ushering in the apocalypse & the return of Jesus… They can be ultra-right libertarians & anti-government types who squeal with delight as trump fills cabinet positions with people who have spent their lives hating and trying to destroy the agencies they oversee. If you think government is not the answer, you LOVE seeing people who celebrate & flaunt their incompetence in positions of power.
7. TROLLS (4%). If you are a coward who gets some sort of gratification from going online and anonymously trying to make people angry and ruin people’s days, you are almost certainly voting for trump. You’re afraid to use your real names when you spread your hatred… But you love him, because you love that he has figured out how to spread his hated without losing his job.
8. GUN NUTS (8%). I’m not talking about people who own guns and appreciate the 2nd Amendment… I’m talking about the folks who are amassing an arsenal in their bunkers/basements (next to their nonperishable foods and WWII nazi memorabilia), and who send their kids to apocalypse survivalist camps where they teach teens how to read a Bible and fire a gun. If you fantasize about militias & second civil wars, you are voting for the candidate who is willing to fan the flames of division if he thinks it will help him stay in power.
9. PEOPLE WHO ARE MAD ABOUT NOT BEING FUNNY (30%). Conservatives aren’t funny. There is something in the ability to discern humor that must be connected to the ability to smell bullshit. A lot of people who have spent their whole lives unable to make people laugh are now angry about it. They feel like 2nd class citizens, and they feel a sense of camaraderie within the MAGA crowd. It’s a fraternity of the unfunny. And they are unaware of how hilarious that is…
10. THE LITERAL WORST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD (25%). Admittedly, this one is kind of a catch-all. It includes White Supremacists & Literal Nazis, Conspiracy Theorists & Anti-Maskers, Misogynists & Sexists, QAnon Cultists & White People Who Have Confused Christianity With Nationalism… Basically, if you see someone somehow take pride in saying something so repugnant that it makes your skin crawl, 99% of these people are planning on voting for trump. People who watch Tucker Carlson. People who share memes celebrating 17 year old kids murdering protesters. People like failed QAnon congressional candidate, trump supporter (whom he retweeted when she posted #FireFauci), & all-around pile of awfulness, DeAnna Lorraine, who posted this gem (before it got removed for violating Twitter’s terms of service):
You might remember her from the now deleted tweet where asked if George Floyd’s family was lured to the Democratic convention with “free meth.” When Hillary talked about the “basket of deplorables,” she aimed way too small with her choice of a “basket.” It’s a giant sewage tank. They’re the sort of folks who take pride in being deplorable, and they’re his base. And whether trump wins or loses, we are going to be dealing with the ramifications of having so many of these sorts of people in our country for MANY years (It should be noted that this does not mean that 25% of the Literal Worst People in the World are trump supporters… It means that 25% of his support comes from the Literal Worst People in the World. Upwards of 99% of the Literal Worst People in the World are trump supporters).
So there you have it. This’s what we are up against. This is why we ALL have to vote. If you possess the capability to understand that trump is the worst of us, then you have a responsibility to vote to remove him from a position where he can do as much damage as he has done to this country. There is only one person who can do that, and his name is Joe Biden. I don’t care if he’s not your favorite, and I don’t care if he wasn’t your first choice (he wasn’t mine either). He’s our only chance. VOTE!
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