The Boeskool

I’ll Take Some Syrian Refugees At My House.

Posted on November 16, 2015 by theboeskool

Hi. My name is Chris. I’m a Christian… and I realize that word carries with it a whole lot of baggage–probably more negative than positive, unfortunately. When people ask me if I’m a Christian (it happens every once in a while), I feel like I’ve got to explain what I mean when I say that. Because for a lot of people, that word–“Christian”–has come to mean anti-Muslim, pro-gun, anti-science, pro-war, anti-immigrant, pro-death penalty, anti-gay, and a litany of other things that have nothing at all to do with Jesus. But yeah… I love Jesus, and I believe he is the best example we have of the heart and nature of God. I sometimes swear. I enjoy bourbon. I don’t believe that God is the sort of being who sends people to a place called hell to be tortured for a billion years. I do believe we are all loved by a God who really wants us to know him (though God is not a gender). And to be good to each other. And to ourselves. And to creation.

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That word is “Christian.”

A few days ago, some really misled and demented people killed some people in France. This tragedy has really affected a whole lot of people here in the United States… Though, for whatever reason, when tragedies like the one that happened in Paris have happened in other places around the world, we have not been nearly as affected. For a pretty extended period of time, there was a bombing/shooting that killed 20+ people just about every day in Iraq… But I didn’t see anyone change their Facebook profile pictures to the colors of the Iraqi flag. Now everybody is best buds with France… Though I seem to remember a lot of these people eating “Freedom Fries” back when France voted against going to war with Iraq… Which is interesting.

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One of the dumbest things ever.

Anyway, in Europe right now (and for the past several months) they have been dealing with a giant group of refugees who are fleeing a civil war in Syria and economic conflicts as well. Germany has been the most welcoming of the European countries to the Syrians, Iraqis and Afghans looking for a safe place to live and work–taking in what could be almost a million refugees. And Iceland (one of the most atheistic countries in the world) has had over 11,000 people offer their own homes for the refugees to stay in. But whenever a tragedy like the one in Paris happens, people look for someone to blame. And usually they end up finding someone to fear. And hate. So when the explosions rang out in the streets of Paris and the gunshots ended the lives of so many, many of the fingers of blame landed (as they so often do) on the immigrant population.

Everything that is awesome about Twitter. Right here.

Now European countries (including Germany) are closing their borders, and the sea of people (who are fleeing the very same sort of people who carried out this awful crime) are left with nowhere to go. Meanwhile, here in the US, there are a whole lot of politicians trying to pass legislation to keep Syrian refugees out of their states. Now, I know that (as Rob Bell says) “The word Christian is a great noun and a terrible adjective” (or something thereabouts), but I have to say this as clearly as I can say it: Turning away immigrants and refugees who are in need of help is about as “un-Christian” a thing as someone can do. That is actually what the Bible is talking about when it talks about “the sin of Sodom.” If you are one of the millions of “Christians” in this country who are calling for a ban on refugees (many of whom happen to be Muslims) because you are afraid that some “ISIS people” might slip through, you may call yourself a Christian, but you are acting nothing like Jesus. Nothing. You are letting fear keep you from loving people… But you know what? Perfect love casts out fear. Here’s an awesome video that has a lot to do with what I’m talking about….

So here’s the deal. I haven’t talked to my wife about this yet, but I’m willing to bet I can talk her into it. We don’t have a big house… There are five people living in a 1200 sq. ft. home, so we don’t have a whole lot of room. But we have a futon! I would be more than happy to share our tiny home for a time with some Syrian refugees. If the word “Christian” starts meaning “KEEP OUT!” instead of “How can I help?” then that word isn’t worth a shit. And if that’s how it’s going to be, I would rather stand with the atheistic Icelanders than the “Christian” Americans any day of the week. And twice on Sunday. And if you agree, maybe share this post. Oh Church… let us start living and loving like the Christ we claim to follow.

I can’t tell you how cool it is that people I have never met believe in this blog enough to help support me. One of those people is named Rianna Hampton. I know nothing about her, other than the fact that she is generous. And generally kick ass. THANK YOU!

Posted in 1) Jesus, 2) Politics, Uncategorized | Tagged Christian, Freedom Fries, Immigrants, Inigo Montoya, Jesus, Paris Attack, Refugees, Syrian Refugees | 55 Comments

Prayers For Paris, and Prayers For Our Hearts

Posted on November 13, 2015 by theboeskool

Oh Paris…

Like many of you, I have had tears in my eyes all night. I have been watching the stories come in about these murders in Paris, and just like everyone else, my heart is breaking. It breaks for the families of all those people who lost their lives today. It breaks for all the ones who are injured and hurt and fighting for their lives. It breaks for the people around the world who have grown accustomed to being blamed for acts of terrorism because a perversion of their faith continues to lead a demented few to carry out horrible acts of violence. And it breaks for all the people around the world who are allowing this evil to seep into their soul and make them a little more filled with fear than they were the day before.

Already people are beginning to blame Syrian refugees and immigrants for what happened today… And this sort of thing is tragically predictable. The tendency is to let something like this push people further into fear and hatred of “The Other.” Immediately people begin pointing fingers. And asking the question “Who is to BLAME for this?” But I don’t believe that the blame lies nearly as much in the “Who” as it does in the “What.” WHAT is to blame for this? And the answer is fear. And hatred. The blame is not on a culture or a heritage or a religion… The blame is on an ideology of separation. One that constantly pits Us versus Them. It is a disease, and if we’re not careful, we can catch that disease through the pain of watching all this suffering at the hands of people committed to spreading their toxic ideology of separation.

Je suis Paris. Je suis l’humanité.

Because when we line up with fear and hatred for The Other, we line up along side of the very sorts of people who committed these terrible crimes. There are two ways this can go: We can let it fuel our suspicion and fear and hatred of The Other, or we can let this solidify our solidarity against the kind of suspicion and fear and hatred that leads to tragedies like this happening. When we react with the same fear and hatred that caused this violence, we embrace their ideology. We fight on the same side as the ones killing people in theaters. Because there is a fight… But this is not a fight against Islam. This fight is against the very idea that some members of humanity don’t deserve to live. This is a fight against hatred. It is a fight against darkness. And the only way to fight hatred is with love. The only way to fight darkness is with light.

The fight is not against Islam.

And all over social media, people are writing “Pray For Paris” (and “Pray For Japan” because of an earthquake that got overshadowed by the tragedy in Paris today). And those prayers are fine and good. People are asking God to be “with” the many people who are hurting all over the world in a special way today. We all have differing understandings of what happens when we pray… I happen to be a person who believes that God is always with us. He celebrates with us in the good times, and he grieves with us on days like today. So it always hits my ears a little weirdly when people ask God to “be with” people… As if he’s ever not.

But if you’re the praying type, here are some other things to pray for: Pray that these acts of separation and violence do not lead us to embrace an ideology of separation and violence. Pray for the millions and millions of peaceful Muslims all over the world, who–every time these maniacs do something like this–have to deal with a whole new round of ignorance and prejudice. Pray for the Christians whose fear and hatred could easily lead them into being the same sort of maniac. Pray for your own heart–That it might be even more like the heart of God… One that loves its enemies. Pray that we all understand the God IS with us… And when it feels like he is nowhere to be found, God is with us when we are there for each other.

Photo by Christian Hartmann/Reuters… “God is with us when we are there for each other.”

So in this moment of sadness and cynicism and terror and tears, let us not fan the flames of fear. Let us not start pointing fingers before the investigation is completed. Let us not allow this tragedy to separate us even more into “Us versus Them.” Into tribes. But let us proclaim–with our words and our lives–that even in this dark time, love is stronger than hate. And the darkness is no match for the light… Even when things seem so very dark.

Once again, I want to thank my Patrons. You should have some special gifts coming your way shortly. Thanks to Dr. Betty Malkus for believing in what I do enough to help support this blog. Thanks to everyone who helps out… So sad today.

Posted in 1) Jesus | Tagged Christianity, Ideology of Separation, Islam, Nonviolence, Paris, Paris Attacks, Peace, Pray For Paris | 21 Comments

Ten Things You Could Have Done, Officer Fields, Instead of Choke Slam a 15-Year Old–As Written By Someone With Extensive Experience in Children Not Doing What They Are Asked

Posted on October 30, 2015 by theboeskool

The following was written by Marie Cushing, a teacher in Memphis, TN’s Achievement School District. She has worked for Teach For America, and she is a gifted writer, educator, and communicator. It is reposted here with her permission….

This is not the archetype for a School Resource Officer…

Ask her to leave the room in a way that preserves her dignity. She is trying to save face with her peers. Make it casual. “Come with me real quick to talk about what’s bothering you. Let’s go grab a drink of water. Let’s go walk around the school building to calm down.”
Give her choices. “We can walk out together or you can meet me in the hallway in ten seconds. You can go sit over in this other part of the classroom so we can talk or you can talk with me in the hall.”
Ground yourself in empathy. Remember how difficult it was for you to be 15, then take away all the privileges you had as a young white man. “I can tell things must be difficult for you right now, and I want to help you be successful in school, so let’s go have a conversation about what I can do to help you get on track.” Use your authority for good.
Let a friend come with her so she can talk it out. I know she has friends in the class – you know Niya, the one you arrested for videotaping you? She would have been a great choice!
Ask a teacher she has a bond with come talk to her. Don’t be so full of yourself to think you are the only one who can help her.
Evacuate. Every teacher working in communities where children are dealing with chronic stress knows how to evacuate a room. If you don’t want to leave, and you are on the verge of a break down, then everyone else rolls out to the hallway and we learn out there – instruction still happens, and you can get the time you need to get yourself together.
Notice you are getting upset over a child acting like a child, laugh to yourself how silly that is in the grand scheme of things, take a breath, remember that at the end of the day you get to go home to people who love you (presumably, because you seem like an asshole), and remember this girl would like to go home to people who love her too – and consider she may be acting out because she doesn’t have that option. Then remember that the bell is going to ring eventually – at some point she will feel the need to leave that classroom. Play the waiting game. It’s not like there are other children in need of a good chokeholdin’ who will miss out on your fine services.
Look at the child sitting there, sitting in a calm and silent manner. Reflect on the centuries of violence inflicted upon Black bodies and ask yourself if you really want to be a part of that historical oppression. Consider how the school-to-prison pipeline is apparent in the hyper-controlling toe-the-line classroom management techniques many teachers rely on because they don’t trust themselves to develop true relationships and view misbehavior as an attack on authority they haven’t worked to earn. Then ask her, “Hey, why aren’t you doing your work?”
Remember that you are a school resource officer, not a member of Seal Team Six. Your job is to protect students, not take Cartman’s “Respect My Authoritah” mantra seriously. Bore her into compliance by reading from the D.A.R.E. handbook – that’s what my Resource Officer at HAJH would have done.
Quit. Go home. Go to bed. Take the world’s longest nap. Wake up. Reevaluate your life. Take up knitting. Run a marathon. Dance the cha-cha. Ride a pogo stick. Recite a sonnet. Do a Sudoku puzzle. DO LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE.

Disclaimer (written by Marie): I worry Facebook is just an echo chamber for people to feel like they’ve accomplished something by posting a status, but I’m seeing a lot of people (and by people, I mean Don Lemon and four of my Facebook friends – we need a label for people you keep on your feed so you can fight their toxic worldviews because you care too much for them as people to let them live a life of ignorance) looking to excuse this man’s actions. And that is some grade A 100% certified bullshit.

Posted in 5) Not Quite Sure | Tagged Alternatives To Violence, Cartman, Effective Teaching, Guest Post, Marie Cushing, Nonviolence, Officer Fields, Respect My Athoritah, Spring Valley | 11 Comments

We Don’t Know The Whole Story….

Posted on October 28, 2015 by theboeskool

By now, many of you have probably already seen the disturbing video of a high school girl in South Carolina being flipped over and dragged out of her desk by a police officer for refusing to comply with his orders. In case you haven’t seen it yet, the following video captures the scene from two different angles:

After seeing a video like this one, people’s reactions are usually split into two groups:

This is completely and utterly unacceptable.
We don’t know the whole story.

Full disclosure: I happen to belong to group #1.

Turns out he was fired today… But you know what? If this hadn’t been recorded on video, he would probably still be working around kids.

Now, within the racially-charged time that we find ourselves in, it is hard to ignore the fact that the young girl in the video is black and the officer is white. And when it is pointed out that videos like this one–with a white officer being overly brutal with black citizens–are popping up with a disturbing regularity, many people (mostly white folks) are quick to bring up the “One Bad Apple” defense. There are quite a few things that white people do when you point out racism. I wrote about 13 of them HERE. But it’s true… I don’t really know that racism was a factor at all. It’s possible that this officer (his name is Ben Fields) reacts with the brand of anger and violence that is displayed in this video whenever ANY kid–regardless of the color of their skin–refuses to show him the respect he believes he is due. It turns out that Officer Fields has been dating an African American woman for quite some time… Maybe race had nothing to do with it. I don’t know.

But it looks to me as though a large portion of the public–especially the people viewing these videos who happen to have white skin–seems to be more inclined to join group #2 when the person experiencing what appears to be police brutality fits their description of someone who looks like a “trouble maker.” These are the same people who looked at this video…

… and wanted to withhold judgment because “we don’t know the whole story.”

Well, these people are right. We don’t know the “whole story.” We rarely do. Because the WHOLE story is a lot more comprehensive than the story of what that young girl said or did or refused to do immediately before the video started those kids’ cell phones started rolling. I don’t know this girl, and I certainly don’t know her “whole story.”

Maybe her whole story involves her listening as a parent told one of her brothers the rules for how to interact with police officers and stay alive–rules that I never felt the need to inform my white children of….

Maybe her whole story involves her watching the video above of the young black girl at the pool party getting manhandled and brutalized by a white officer for the crime of not moving as quickly as he thought she should…

Maybe her whole story involved watching them raise that confederate flag right back up the flagpole in Charleston, South Carolina after Bree Newsome climbed up there and took it down…

Or maybe her whole story involves her watching videos of a number of other black men in South Carolina who had their lives ended by white men wearing a badge just like the one Officer Fields (known to the kids of that school as Officer “Slam” for the way he once handled a pregnant woman, as well as other students) was wearing that day. Videos like like this one showing Walter Scott being shot eight times and murdered as he ran away from a South Carolina officer…

Or, it’s even possible that her “whole story” involved her expecting that her own arrest to be less violent than it turned out to be… You know, more peaceful–like the arrest of the person who had just murdered nine black folks as they worshipped in their Church…

The girl in the classroom has her arm in a cast, pain in her neck and back, and rug burns on her body. This guy? No visible rug burns…

So yeah, we definitely don’t know the “whole story.”

Because when we know a person’s whole story, we start to understand where they’re coming from. We empathize with them. We start to see the places where their story is like our story. It makes gross things like stereotyping and prejudice a lot more difficult. When you know a person’s whole story, it’s much more difficult to not love them. And when that happens, we start to suspect that EVERYONE has more to their story than we can easily see at first glance.

And you know what? That goes for Officer Ben Fields as well. I’m not saying that there is any excuse for the way he threw that young girl around–There isn’t. And actions like these should have consequences–especially for the one in a position of power. It’s clear that this guy shouldn’t be in a position of authority, he shouldn’t be carrying a gun, and he definitely shouldn’t be working around kids… But we don’t know his whole story either. We don’t know what kind of lies he has believed… what kind of abuses he has endured. We don’t need to demonize this man. But when we see a video like this, the only right response is to say, “This is not OK.” If we are ever looking for the “whole story,” it should never be in an attempt to excuse this sort of violence… Knowing a person’s whole story is how we keep this sort of thing from happening again.

If you value what I do and the things that I write, you can help support me by becoming a Patron RIGHT HERE. Mark VanBuren did, and it’s because he freaking ROCKS!! I owe him my beard. Otherwise, you can support me by sharing the stuff I write, or you can follow me on Facebook or Twitter.

***Update***
I just found out that the girl in the classroom is LIVING IN FOSTER CARE (not orphaned as was earlier reported). So yes, the WHOLE STORY is so very important. God bless.

Posted in 1) Jesus, 2) Politics, 5) Not Quite Sure | Tagged Ben Fields, Girl flipped in desk, One Bad Apple, Police Brutality, Racism, South Carolina High School, Spring Valley High School, Video, We don't know the whole story | 343 Comments

Substitutionary Atonement Is Miracle Gro For Atheists

Posted on October 27, 2015 by theboeskool

I was perusing the ol’ Facebooks earlier today, and I ran into this picture:

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Here is quote from a “Christian” on the Facebook thread under this picture–“Very hilarious when all of you unbelievers burn for eternity, I myself wouldn’t want my worst enemy to suffer that way, so criticize the Lord all you want, but I feel really sorry for you. I will be praying for all.” And we wonder why so many people are leaving the Church…

This meme represents a very common belief in Christianity–The idea that “Jesus got what you deserve.” Which is, I guess–as most Christian theology suggests–an agonizing death on a cross, and three-ish days in hell. Most of the Church believes that we (humanity) are all worthless (Total Depravity), and that we all deserve to go to hell to be tortured forever. The other side of this coin is the concept is know as “Atonement,” and for much of the Christian Church, this is a central tenet of their theology…. And thus a central tenet of their understanding of who God is.

“Quid pro quo, Clarice.” Sometimes my old understanding of God seems more like Hannibal Lecter than it probably should…

There are many different understandings of Atonement, but most of them have to do with making reparations for wrongs. In the Old Testament (as well as much of the Old Testament world), the process of “making things right” between God and mankind was accomplished through sacrifice. The world–for thousands of years–has had a model of taking care of sin and evil that basically boiled down to “blood for blood.” It was quid pro quo… tit for tat… An eye for an eye. To people living in the earliest, most fear-filled stages of human consciousness, God was (is) a wrath-filled being for whom only perfection was good enough. He was (is) the angry volcano God, demanding our virgins be tossed in, in order to propitiate his violence (Propitiation is the process of appeasing the wrath of God. As in, “He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.” ~ I John 2:2… I say this to mention the fact that this way of seeing things is definitely in the Bible).

“Want a lick? Psych!” I imagine Abraham looking a little bit like Eddie Murphy here.

For example, take the story of Abraham hearing from God that he was going to need sacrifice his son Isaac. The point of this story is not that God sometimes requires human sacrifice. Or that God is the sort of Being that pulls a giant “PSYCH!” on the people he supposedly loves (“Ha! I totally had you going there, Abe. Man, you should have seen your face… You were like, ‘Is this dude seriously going to make me kill the son he promised me?!? You were TOTALLY crying… And now you’ve got some tears on your tunic.” **God points at Abraham’s tunic, Abraham looks down, God flips Abraham’s nose** “GOTCHA AGAIN!!! When are you going to learn?? If I was tweeting this, I’d end it with #sucker.” ~ God). But the Bible does not give a target as much as it provides a trajectory. It shows us a direction–An expanding and unfolding understanding of the heart of God for the creation that he loves.

Don’t play charades at my house either…

So listen–in the time in which the Bible was written, human sacrifice was common enough that everyone knew about it. The gods were pissed, and it was believed that in order to appease their anger and punishment, you had to give up your best stuff… crops, animals, sometimes even your kids. So when they told the story about Abraham going up the mountain to sacrifice Isaac, they were all probably like “I know how THIS is going to end.” But in that Biblical story, whether there was an actual person named Abraham who was 100 years old when he had an actual son named Isaac with his 90 year old wife Sarah was not the point–the POINT was that THIS God–THEIR God–is DIFFERENT… Different than those mysterious and capricious gods who demand blood to keep their wrath at bay. And sure, in this story they only moved away from human sacrifice to sacrificing a ram (one which God provided)… But that was at least SOMETHING. Baby steps, right? Baby steps toward the heart of God. And God, in his loving and patient way, only reveals the extent of his goodness that our hearts and minds are ready to hear.

So the old model of how atonement works was basically this–We’re all garbage, and as we embody that garbage (sin), we put our sin on an animal, and then we kill that animal (or scapegoat it), because God requires blood. God requires that TRANSACTION. But the Old Testament is full of verses that speak of how God is not really interested in transaction–He is interested in transformation. Psalm 40:6 says, “Sacrifice and offering you did not desire– but my ears you have opened.” I Samuel 15:22 says that “to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams.” Jesus himself quoted Hosea when he said, “But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'”

Atheists be like, "So you're telling me God had to sacrifice himself to himself to change a rule that HE MADE?!?"

Atheists be like, “So let me get this straight–You’re telling me God had to sacrifice himself to himself to change a rule that HE MADE?!?”

And so, to me it makes infinitely more sense that, as Richard Rohr says, “Jesus did not come to change the mind of God about humanity–it did not need changing! Jesus came to change the mind of humanity about God.” What if we’ve been getting this Atonement model wrong all along? Because the thing is, this model–with all of our sins being put on Jesus, and him being punished for them–It doesn’t even make any SENSE. We tell this story because it fulfills a desire in us for justice–for a transaction–but killing someone who is innocent for the crimes of the guilty is the farthest thing from “justice.” Imagine with me for a moment…

Let’s say I had a town. It’s actually my town. It’s called Boeskooltown, and I make the rules. And the people in the town are there because I allow them to be there. In this town, what I say GOES. I know what’s happening in my town, and I’m powerful enough to enforce the rule…. Rules that I created.

Imagine there’s a middle-schooler living in Boeskooltown… Her name is Emma (because every middle schoolers name is Emma. Because Friends). She is sweet and awkward and funny, and sometimes afraid and annoying and selfish. Now, let’s say that Emma’s step dad–A grown-ass man named Jimmy–just beats the actual hell out of Emma… Like “barely even recognize her anymore” kind of beating.

Now imagine that I, as the man in charge of the town, reveal a way–because I love the citizens of my town–of forgiving Jimmy. And that way is this: Instead of punishing Jimmy for the awful thing that he’s done, I’ve decided to punish my own kid, who is completely innocent of any crime. And then I tell you all–Citizens of Boeskooltown–that my punishing of an innocent for Jimmy’s crime is actually because I demand… (wait for it)… “Justice?” Is there any better example of INJUSTICE than an innocent person being punished for someone else’s crimes? Is there a scenario where this makes sense–Especially if I’m the one making the rules?

Wait, the Good Father Jesus spoke of REQUIRED this?? That’s certainly enough to make people fear him… but LOVE him?

Atonement says, “Someone has to pay for this,” but every single thing about Jesus–His words, his life… even his death–reveals and embodies a God who does not function that way. Atonement says, “Something has to die!” but Jesus looks at us and says, “That something is you–The false you.” Atonement looks for a way to span the perceived chasm between us and God, but the Incarnation and the Word of God cry out “Emanuel! God is with us!” Atonement says “An eye for an eye,” but the best picture we have of God says, “You have heard it said… but I tell you…” I mean, Jesus flat out tells us that loving our enemies is being like God. If there was something that atonement needed to “make right,” it was our understanding of the nature of God.

All you have to do is look at this picture of these shopping carts to know that there is human brokenness. And yeah, I went to Walmart. I’m part of the problem. Leave me alone, I’m poor.

Then Jesus dies–in such a horrible way–and we’re left trying to make sense of it all. And that ancient voice speaks up and says “Our brokenness was (is) too much for God to handle.” For thousands of years, humanity was unable to believe in, or even imagine, a God who was loving enough to love us in all of our brokenness. And I am not oblivious to the brokenness… One needs only open your eyes to see it. But there is goodness in humanity as well. And just in case no one has ever told you before–You don’t deserve to go to a place called “Hell” where you are tortured forever. You are not worthless. You are loved by God. And your brokenness is not too much for God. He still looks at us–his creation–with the same loving eyes he had in Genesis 1, when he said “Very good.”

Grace is a chopper, baby.

We are skeptical of this free lunch called “Grace.” We think, “There must be some catch. Can we really TRUST this God? Could he really be this good? Could God really love us this much?” So when Jesus dies, everyone figures that THIS must be the one giant payment–the final transaction–by which God’s wrath is appeased. And they did this because their minds weren’t ready to be able to imagine a God who is not interested in transaction. But again… God is not interested in transaction–He is interested in transformation. And when we force there to still be a transaction, we take away the real beauty, the real love, and the real power of an act of mercy.

Beautiful tune. Harmful theology.

We want all the accounts to be paid, because the real thing that offends us is grace. We look around at all this mess, and we say “SOMEONE HAS TO PAY FOR THIS!” And to hear otherwise offends us to our very core, but that is what God has been saying all along. He’s been saying “You can trust me. I love you, and I’ve got this. Now LIVE that way.” He said (says) it in creation, he said (says) it in the incarnation, and he said (says) it in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus… It’s just that people weren’t ready to hear it. And this is why Jesus said, “There is so much more I want to tell you, but you can’t bear it now.” Many of us still cannot bear it yet; nonetheless, Jesus still speaks to us today: “Go and learn what this means: I desire mercy, not sacrifice.”

Today’s Patron shout out goes to Logan Arkema. It makes me feel really old to say that I can clearly remember when this dude was BORN. What a fine young man he has grown to be… Thank you, Logan, for valuing what I do enough to help support it. If you want to be like Logan, you can do that HERE. Also, if you want to ask me something directly you can do that on Twitter or also on Facebook. I love discussing this stuff.

Posted in 1) Jesus | Tagged Atonement, Christian Theology, Christianity, Grace, Human Brokenness, Jesus, Jesus Got What You Deserve, Miracle Gro For Atheists, Someone has to pay, Substitutionary Atonement | 36 Comments

Five People or Things I’d Rather Vote For Than Donald Trump

Posted on October 19, 2015 by theboeskool

There is still a lot of time before the presidential primaries. And I’ve been thinking that I should do more than just writing about “Why It’s Okay For Christians To Call Donald Trump A Jackass.” I need to give people some other options. We need to do more than say things like, “Donald Trump is not fit to be President of the United States.” So that’s what this is…. It’s a non-exhaustive list of some people (and objects) that I would vote for before I would vote for The Donald. Enjoy.

Fun fact: The Mayor is the sun of Irish immigrants.

Fun fact: The Mayor is the son of Irish immigrants.

Mayor McCheese. Yes, I realize that Mayor McCheese has a cheeseburger for a head, but he clearly has much more legislative experience than Donald Trump. Also, Mayor McCheese never insinuated that the Mexican immigrants in this country are criminals, drug dealers, and rapists. All things that Donald Trump has said more than once.

Fun Fact: Koko’s chest hair is actually a combover.

Koko The Gorilla. Koko understands over 2000 words of spoken English… Which, as far as I can tell, is significantly more words than Mr. Trump understands. Koko would be our nation’s first female president. Koko has repeatedly shown kindness to animals… The closest thing that Donald has come to that is showing kindness to whatever that thing is on top of his head–It just seems to me like she would be a kinder, gentler Commander In Chief. Also, Koko has never called women “fat pigs,” “bimbos,” “dogs,” “slobs,” and “disgusting animals.” All things that the leading republican presidential candidate has called women.

Fun Fact: This person makes his own capitalization rules.

This Guy. I don’t know his name… I don’t know where he’s from… I don’t know anything about his policies… But–God help me–I like the cut of this guy’s jib. He just strikes me as a “Patriot,” you know? He just looks like a good, healthy American male. With a good, healthy American mustache. And a good, healthy American mullet. His T-shirt says he’s a baseball fan, and his patriotic d0-rag says he’s clearly loves America. And his misspelling of the word “morons” tells me he’s not one of those “intellectual elites.” Also, as far as I know, this guy has never said anything as awful as “Black guys counting my money! I hate it. The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes every day.”

Fun Fact: This box of rocks has more diversity than most Trump rallies.

This Box Of Rocks. Okay, I know. I know, but hear me out–Even though many people will tell you that Trump is “dumber” than this box of rocks, I actually don’t know that to be true… I’ve never heard this box of rocks say anything. They say it’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt. So who knows? Trump very well COULD be smarter than this box of rocks… but intelligence isn’t everything. One thing is for sure, though: This box of rocks has never said, “You know, it doesn’t really matter what [the media] write, as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.” But I bet you know who did….

Fun Fact: Cartman acted like a Christian too--in the episode of Southpark where he started the Christian boyband,

Fun Fact: Cartman ALSO acted like a Christian–in the episode of Southpark where he started the Christian boyband, “Faith +1.”

Eric Cartman. This decision is actually a little closer than the others, but I think that Cartman still wins my vote. Sure, Eric Cartman is notoriously racist, sexist, anti-Semitic. And sure, he’s almost certainly a sociopath. And sure, he once pitted crack babies against each other, had the babies fight over a piece of crack, and made all kinds of money having people on the internet bet on the winner. But I like the way this kid tells it like it is! He’s blunt, he’s brash, and when people get in his face, he tells them, “What eva! I do what I want!” We NEED someone in office who does what he wants. We NEED someone who demands that people respect his AUTHORITAH! You know what? Eric Cartman and Donald Trump are way more alike than I realized…. Though, one thing Cartman DIDN’T tweet about his political opponent is this:

So there you have it. We have a lot of options that are still out there for presidential candidates. Let’s not make any hasty decisions. Also, I love my Patrons! And today I especially love one named Jim Boersma–I good, strong Dutch name. It’s no “Boeskool,” but it’ll do. PEOPLE ARE SO AWESOME!

Posted in 2) Politics, 3) Bathroom Humor | Tagged Better choices for president than Trump, Box of Rocks, Donald Trump, Eric Cartman, Kok the Gorilla, Mayor McCheese, Trump Quotes | 5 Comments

Why It’s Okay For Christians To Call Donald Trump A Jackass

Posted on October 16, 2015 by theboeskool

I posted a story on Facebook today that had a link to a video of Donald Trump getting called out by a young man for telling a lie in a speech he made. When the young man started to clarify what he was saying, Mr. Trump (in true Trump fashion) cut him off, loudly talked over him, and dismissed his criticism of Trump’s false statement with the wave of his hand and contorted face… Right after he asked the young man if he was from South Korea, and dismissed his answer (“I was born in Texas, and grew up in Colorado”) with a different contorted face that conveyed a deep sense of “Who cares…” You can read the article and watch the short video RIGHT HERE, but I took a screen capture of the “Who cares…” face for you viewing pleasure. It is one of Mr Trump’s go-to expressions, and he employs it every time someone makes any sort of comment that zings him in any way. It’s a face that says, “So what… I’ve got all kinds of money.” I’ll post a big version….

Imagine this face on our money…

With the article, I said something along the lines of “If you are thinking about voting for this man, you are 100% delusional.” Or something thereabouts. So, here is something interesting that I’ve noticed happening lately: Trump has a surprising amount of support from evangelical Christians… And as surprising as that fact is, the interesting part to ME has been the way that many confused Christians have been attempting to defend the things Donald Trump has been saying. Because there are many, MANY quotes from this man that people are rightly critical of. And because there is really no defense–especially from a Christian point of view–of the things he has been saying, it is putting Christians in an awkward situation. Here are a few ways that Christians have been dealing with that awkwardness:

They talk about how they like the way he “tells it like it is.” They admit that he is brash, but try to turn his lack of concern with whom his words are hurting into a some sort of virtue. And they try to do this all in a very “At least he’s telling the truth” sort of way…. But a person can “not beat around the bush” while still saying vile, hateful, and prejudice things.
They will say, “At least he’s better than ________.” And the person who finishes that sentence will almost always be a democrat. And I get that… I believe that if we are given the choice between “Not Good” and “Even Worse,” we probably have a responsibility to vote for the lesser of two evils. But there are many choices right now. The choice is not between Trump and Hilary… The choice is between Trump and roughly 16 other republicans. But this one is easy for me to spot, because I’ve got three kids. And when I ask the boy “Why did you go into your mom’s desk and get her Sharpies?” (a serious sin in our household) he will invariably tell me something one of his sisters has done in the past couple days. But that’s not what we were talking about, was it….
And this one is the most interesting to me–They will talk about how we all have our faults. Christians have been getting very “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” when people start being critical of Donald Trump. I have had that card played on me twice in the past couple days. And initially, it sound right… I thought, “Yeah, he’s a person, just like me. I have faults too. Who am I to focus on a person’s shortcomings?” And then I thought, “WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT?!?! THIS GUY IS A JACKASS!!”

And here is why it’s okay for Christians like me to shine a light on the many indefensible things Donald Trump has said and done….

This is the first part of the face that I make when I see Trump talking on the TV.

Imagine we’re sitting on a bus. It’s a pretty big bus, and there are all kinds of people on it–young and old, rich and poor, red & yellow, black & white–and we’re getting ready to leave on a long trip. While we’re waiting to leave, in walks the bus driver. Now, not everybody on the bus is paying attention, and not everybody is in a position to see him, but let’s say I notice something peculiar about the bus driver. At first I think to myself, “Wow, those are some really dark sunglasses he’s wearing.” And then I see him folding up something thin and white with a red tip, and I think, “Wait a second… Is that a CANE?!? Is this guy BLIND???” You walk over and wave your hand in front of his face…. Nothing.

I say to the lady sitting next to me, “Hey. I think that our bus driver is blind.” And she’s like, “He sure does have a nice uniform though, doesn’t he?” I look at the guy sitting across the aisle and say, “Dude. Our bus driver is totally blind. This is not okay, right?” And he says, “Well, at least he’s better than a lady with no arms and no legs.” I blink over and over at the idiocy of it all. Finally I stand up and yell, “People of the bus! The man who is getting ready to drive this bus is BLIND. Like, he literally cannot see!” And someone with a WWJD bracelet stands up and says, “Whoa, whoa, whoa… Let’s not start casting the first stone here. Who are you to be pointing out anyone else’s inadequacies? Are you perfect? I’m sure if you got to know him, you’d find out that he has all kinds of very redeeming qualities. I actually know some stuff about him–He’s a really good businessman. He a person just like you. Let’s look for some POSITIVE things to say about him.”

They made a lovely couple.

This is what has been happening with Donald Trump. I posted a picture (this one) with a Trump quote about how he thinks that his daughter Ivanka is hot enough for him to date. The right response for people to have when seeing something like this is to say, “This is indefensible.” NOT, “Have YOU ever said the wrong thing or made an inappropriate joke before??” And there are pages and pages of things this person has said that are completely indefensible… Things that are not just insensitive or “brash,” but things that are completely CONTRARY to everything Jesus is stands for. Some Christians who can’t deny this (but are so desperate for a republican president) are even looking (in a desperate attempt to win the “Christian vote”) for Bible stories about God using bad kings for good purposes. It’s gross. Trump’s xenophobic (and Sodomistic) comments about immigrants, his sexist and demeaning comments about women, his complete lack of knowledge about world foreign policy and world leaders, his propensity toward conspiracy theory, his lack of a basic self-awareness that leaves him unable to even understand his own need for redemption…. The list of things that disqualify him for the office of the Presidency grows every day.

I am not “throwing the first stone.” Donald Trump is a man who is worthy of love and compassion…. Just like the rest of us. I believe that God loves him completely. He has his issues, and I have mine. We all need help, and we all have a lot to learn. But calling a person a buffoon who is clearly practicing buffoonery is not being any more judgmental than pointing out that a bowling ball is round. And dense… Especially when that bowling ball is leading the pack of republicans running for President. This person is no more qualified to be President of the United States of America than I am qualified to do open heart surgery. Come to your senses, America. And please, PLEASE, come to your senses, Christians. I’m not saying Donald Trump is not worthy of sitting on the bus… I’m just saying that he is CLEARLY not fit to drive the bus.

Thanks again for reading. And thank you especially to the folks who have decided to become patrons of The Boeskool, and who are helping support me. If you’d like, you can check out my Patreon page by CLICKING RIGHT HERE. Twenty two people have become patrons so far, and I’m filled with gratitude. A really cool person named Ania did. She is as kind as she is beautiful… And that is saying a lot. And she is hella talented as well. Check her out.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Blind man driving the bus, Christians and Trump, Criticizing Trump, Jesus, Trump, Trump and the Evangelical vote, Trumps faith | 13 Comments

We’re A Nation Of Sodomites…. Just Not In The Way You’re Thinking

Posted on October 8, 2015 by theboeskool

Every other “Karen Miller” in the country is like, “Please don’t let this story blow up!”

I didn’t hear about this story until today, so maybe you haven’t heard about it either…. But a county here in Tennessee is considering taking up an official resolution pleading with God to not destroy their county when he finally brings his punishment for our country allowing gay people to get married. The resolution is sponsored by Blount County Commissioner, Karen Miller, and it says a lot of interesting things…. If, by “interesting,” you mean “terribly, terribly misguided.” You can read the whole Resolution RIGHT HERE (there are a few more “whereas’s” than I’d care for, but it’s worth your time to read), but here is the real climax:

“WE adopt this Resolution before God that He pass us by in His Coming Wrath and not destroy our County as He did Sodom and Gomorrah and the neighboring cities. As the Passover Lamb was a means of salvation to the ancient Children of Israel, so we stand upon the safety of the Lamb of God to save us.”

I read a section of it to my wife, and after stumbling over her words and spending a few moments looking for a response, she finally uttered the words, “Are… these people…. Grown ups?” Seriously though, you should really read it. It would be funny if it weren’t so sad. You know what–No. It’s funny no matter what. Read it. And allow yourself to laugh. It’s only one page…. After I laughed out loud at her reaction, she said the words, “I literally can’t even.” Which reminded me of this gem….

There are all kinds of things about this resolution to be critical of (the factual inaccuracy, the reference to “Founders” who would have been horrified by the mingling of church & state, the haphazard and inane choices in capitalization, just to name a few….), but I’m just going to chose one: The appealing to the Biblical story of Sodom & Gomorrah by Christians who are upset about same-sex marriage. This garbage has got to stop.

There it is–“Lot’s Wife.” Some kid 3000 years ago asks, “Dad, what is that tall stone thingy?” His Dad tells a story, the story gets passed along… and now we’ve got a God with an itchy trigger finger, who kills for the slightest infraction.

I’m betting most of you know the story, but for those of you who don’t, here’s the short version: God tells Abraham He’s going to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham bargains with God about sparing the cities for the sake of a righteous man. Angels come to investigate the cities and stay with Abraham’s nephew, Lot (the one guy God chose to save from the city). While the angels were staying there, “all the men from the city–young and old” came and surrounded Lot’s house, and they demanded he send out the visitors so they could have sex with them. Lot (the righteous one in the story) offers them his two virgin daughters instead. Long story short, the angels blind the men from the town, fire and brimstone rain down from the sky and destroy the cities (along with others that are near), and God turns Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt for looking to see what’s happening.

This is not the thing that God is angry about. Just stop.

Now, at some point, this story became not just a cautionary tale about God’s wrath, but specifically a story about God’s wrath in response to gay people. The word “sodomy” even came to mean anal sex/oral sex/”unnatural” sex. But here’s the thing you need to know: The story of Sodom & Gomorrah was never about God being angry at homosexuality. The Bible is actually very clear about this. When the Hebrew scriptures mention Sodom, it actually has nothing to do with homosexuality. For example, Ezekiel 16:49 says that Sodom’s sin was that “She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.” When Amos compares Israel’s sin to Sodom & Gomorrah, it’s because they “oppress the poor and crush the needy.” ~Amos 4:1 This doesn’t make it sound like God’s beef was with the gays…. It does’t even sound like God’s beef was with sexual sin at all.

And it should go without saying that “God’s Beef” is an awesome name for a band….

The story of Sodom and Gomorrah is not about God being angry because two lesbians in East Tennessee want to get married and have the same rights as opposite-gender couples enjoy…. It was about gang rape. It was about an act of violence and extreme inhospitality to a stranger–the same way that some in prison might refer to “making someone their bitch” simply as an act of cruelty, and a way to emasculate him. I mean, do we really think that the Bible was saying that “all the men in the town” were gay? This is a story about God being angry when we don’t treat the stranger and the visitor in a way that honors them. It’s a story about hospitality. It’s a story that was told thousands of years ago around campfires to tell of how gross it is to God when we don’t take care of “The Other,” and the church has managed to twist it into a proof for how much God hates the gays…. A group that–very ironically–happens to be the very definition of “The Other” right now.

So yeah…. If you believe in the sort of God who turns people into pillars of salt for looking at fire falling from the sky… The sort of God who saves the guy who turns over his virgin daughters to get raped… The sort of God who destroys whole cities for going against his commands, you’ve got a lot to be worried about. Because the Church is FULL of “Sodomites”–Just not the kind that revision and fear and hatred have twisted that definition into. The world has come to know “christians” as the kind of “Sodomite” to which the Bible ACTUALLY refers…. The kind who are inhospitable to aliens. The kind who are unconcerned with the poor. The kind who are arrogant and overfed. The kind who humiliate and ostracize The Other. I mean, Lord…. We’ve even got people trying to pass “resolutions” to make that humiliation and ostracization official–all in the name of the God who calls us to love and care for the stranger. It is hurtful. It is garbage. It is bad theology, bad scholarship, and bad religion. And it is the exact. Opposite. Of the spirit of God that the Bible reveals…. And it’s time Christians started calling it out as such.

Thank you Patty Bell for choosing to support my writing by becoming a Patron. We have never met in person, but as far as I can tell from our online interactions, we are kindred spirits. I’m so grateful that you believe in my writing. THANK YOU! And as for the rest of you, if you haven’t already Liked my Facebook Page or don’t already Follow me on Twitter, you should….

Posted in 1) Jesus, 2) Politics | Tagged Blount County, God loves gay people, I Can't Even, Jesus, Karen Miller, Nation of Sodomites, Resolution, Same-Sex Marriage, Sodom's Sin | 13 Comments

Finding Hope In The Midst of Mass Shootings

Posted on October 6, 2015 by theboeskool

There is a disgusting little dance we do every time there is another mass shooting in America. Here is what it looks like:

News of yet another mass shooting comes out.
There are renewed calls for some kind of regulations that might help prevent such tragedies.
“Pro-Gun” folks accuse anyone speaking of changing laws or regulations as trying to “Politicize a tragedy.”
“Anti-Gun” folks start quoting statistics about gun violence. Like the fact that there have been at least 986 mass shootings in American since the Newtown massacre in December of 2012. Or that the Oregon shooting is the 45th school shooting already this year. Or that “in America, more preschoolers are shot dead each year (82 in 2013) than police officers are [shot dead] in the line of duty (27 in 2013).”
“Pro-Gun” people will say things like “More regulations are not the answer, because criminals don’t obey the laws anyway,”or things like “If we outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns,” and they will proclaim that the real problem is mental illness.
“Anti-Gun” people will say no one is trying to “outlaw all guns,” but maybe we could more strictly regulate the ones that make it really easy to kill a whole bunch of people at once. And they’ll admit the mental illness is part of the problem, but the fact that there are so many guns, and they are so easy to get, is a also a big problem.
It doesn’t make sense to me either.
“Pro-Gun” people will say the problem is there aren’t ENOUGH guns…. That what we really need is MORE people with guns. So they can stop the bad guys.
Many on each side see the gulf between the two ideologies as too wide to even have something resembling a conversation, and they decide to not talk about it anymore.
Then, if the protests from the “Anti-Gun” side go on too long, the NRA says to its members, “Look, the liberals are trying to take away your guns!” and a ridiculous amount of them write angry letters and call their representatives to yell. And nothing changes. Every single thing stays the same…. Except that they might pass some legislation written by the NRA that makes it harder to keep track of gun violence.
More and more people sink into cynicism and despair about this whole disgusting dance. And they decide that there is nothing that can be done. And they lose hope.
Somewhere, in a very large house, a man lights a cigar with a $100 bill, and smiles….

We cling to the things that are most important to us.

I think that a part of my own soul died when nothing was done after the Newtown massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary. After that, I was one of those people who thought, “What’s the point? Nothing’s going to ever change.” I admit that when thinking about writing this post, I thought, “What’s the point?” Like a lot of you, I figured if something like the murders of 20 first graders in an elementary school can’t inspire us to even take STEPS toward lowering gun violence, then what could? Most of the people currently making the laws in this country are in the pockets of the NRA, and the impasse between the two sides just seems too difficult to overcome. When a bunch of kids get shot, and one side has a starting place of “Less Guns!” and the other side has a starting place of “More Guns!” the chances of compromise seem pretty slim. And when there is very little hope, there is very little action. Please watch this speech by President Obama….

Our thoughts and prayers are NOT enough….

The past couple of days, I’ve been thinking about my first real job. And a ladder…. Before I moved to Nashville, I worked at a Camp. It was basically the coolest job ever. There were all kinds of groups that came out to Camp–Everything from schools councils, to church groups, to alternative learning classes, to corporate trainings, to professional athletic teams, to family reunions…. A whole lot of different kinds of groups. What I did there was called “Experiential Education.” We would basically have an experience as a group, we would talk about what happened, talk about what significance that experience had, and then talk about how we might be different as a result of the experience. There are all kinds of experiences that lend themselves to learning in groups, but one of the things I did was bring groups of people up onto a high ropes course.

Oh Ralphie…. When will you learn?

The high ropes course was on the side of a hill, so the entrance to the course was a ladder that only went up about 15 feet…. But as you went out farther into the course, you ended up over 50 feet in the air. From the highest point in the course, you could take a zip line down to the ground. For a lot of people, the high ropes course caused a lot of stress. Turns out that the fear of heights is a very real thing for some people. People would take one look at those wires 50 feet above the ground attached to those oak trees, and they would say, “Not a chance in hell.” Those were my favorite sorts of people. And many of those “No-freaking-way” sorts of people would say it for a good reason, too. Many of them had multiple experiences with heights that made them CERTAIN that this course was going to be impossible for them to do. They would look at those wires, those trees, those heights, and they would think, “What’s the point? I’m just going to fail.” Their experiences had taught them to be sure that they couldn’t do it.

But here’s the thing: It wasn’t just one person out there looking at the high ropes course…. It was a group. And the cool thing about a group is that sometimes when you are certain something can’t be done, other people aren’t as sure. Instead of focusing on what CAN’T be done, we would ask the person what they thought they COULD do:

“Would you be comfortable putting on a harness and encouraging the rest of the group?”
“How about getting on belay…. Could you do that?”
“Would you be willing to challenge yourself to take one step up the ladder?”
“How about two steps?”
“Do you think you might be able to touch the top rung of the ladder?

Some people saw the course and made a face similar to this.

Sometimes people would make it up to the top of that 15 foot ladder, and they would come right back down. Sometimes they would make it to the top and figure out that they can do a lot more of the course than they thought they could do. Sometimes they would make it two rungs up the ladder, and I could see them shaking like a leaf on one of those giant oak trees. They would start sweating, they would hug the ladder like it was the only thing keeping them alive, and we would have to talk them down from three feet in the air. No matter the result, I can tell you that the celebrations we had at that ladder were way more meaningful than any of the celebrations for the people who looked at that high ropes course and thought, “I can totally do that,” and then did it. Because the real goal—the real growth–was not in making all the way through the course and jumping off the zip line…. The real growth happened when you started to question the things you thought you knew about yourself.

One rung at a time.

If you’re CERTAIN that something is impossible, it will be…. But that’s where the group comes in–That’s the value of us not being alone. When we’re focusing on what can’t be done, the group steps in (the healthy group, at least) and asks “What CAN be done?” And uncertainty is the stuff of POSSIBILITY. Anything that can be done really easily is probably not worth doing. So when it seems like there is no hope of ever overcoming the enormous power and influence of the gun lobby, maybe just accept the challenge to put on your harness. When it seems like you are surrounded by ignorance and indifference, maybe just take one step up that ladder. And when it seems like the chasm between you and a person who is your ideological opposite is too great to even make an attempt at crossing, maybe start thinking, “If I can make it up two, maybe I can do three.” And before you know it, you’re at the top of the ladder, and you’re wondering what other things are possible….

We may not ever be able to stop the steady drumbeat of gun violence in this country…. At least maybe not in our lifetime. But if anything is ever going to happen, it’s going to take a bunch of people who at least believe it’s POSSIBLE to do something. So in the meantime, let’s try to be a healthy group. Let’s work on becoming the sort of group who isn’t sure what our limits are. And let’s focus on becoming the sort of people who encourage the ones who are certain it can’t be done. If there’s one thing we can learn from the NRA, it’s that our chances of making a difference are way better together than they are alone. Who knows what can be done….

But this is the truth: I’d rather be hopeful and wrong than cynical and right.

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Kelsey. Not only was she one of the first people to support this blog (and me along with it) on my Patreon page, but she was one of the first campers I ever had the pleasure of watching let go of her fears. She has a thirst for adventure, and a fearlessness that inspires everyone around her. And she values what I am trying to do on this blog enough to support it. She is completely and totally kick ass. If you’re also interested in being a patron, you can check out the page RIGHT HERE. Thank you for reading!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Experiential Education, Gun Culture, Gun violence, Guns, Hope, Mass Shootings, NRA, Oregon Shooting | 4 Comments

How To Not Get Murdered By People On Facebook

Posted on October 6, 2015 by theboeskool

We’ve all been there before…. Usually for me it goes something like this:

Someone on Facebook says something that comes across as mean or hyperbolic or uninformed.
You respond by calmly trying to talk some reason into the situation.
They respond with a comment that seems fueled by anger and aggression.
You attempt to deescalate the situation with a joke, or maybe some carefully placed snark.
Then the person says something that makes you come to the realization: “Oh. I get it. This is a crazy person. I am speaking to a crazy person…. Got it.”

Quite possible Steve Buscemi’s finest role….

Maybe it might look a little something like this….

Facebook Status: “I am so grossed out by the way Donald Trump keeps talking about immigrants. Has he forgotten that he comes from an immigrant family himself?
Mutual Friend I don’t really know: “I am just worried that a whole bunch of ISIS people are going to sneak into our country. There were already four ISIS members arrested in Texas last year who snuck across the Mexican border.”
Me, foolishly wanting to help: “Actually, there has never been any evidence of any terrorists coming across the Mexican border. That story going around about ISIS members being caught was totally made up. Here’s that Snopes article.” ***Posts link to Snopes article***
Stranger, getting even stranger: “It DID happen! My brother in law lives in El Paso, and he told me himself that ISIS people were captured crossing the border. ***Turns on caps lock*** WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD MY SISTER’S HUSBAND LIE TO ME?!?!”
Me, Moonwalking away: “Okay…. It’s just that they have their sources listed at the end, and there is even a link to an El Paso congressman who has also debunked the myth. Anyway, I’m not calling anyone’s brother-in-law a liar…. Unless he says that Donald Trump’s Grandfather wasn’t named Frederick Drumpf. #AmIRight? :)”
Clearly Crazy Person: “That site makes stuff up all the time. But what do you expect when they get all their funding from GEORGE SOROS! You know what? IF YOU COME INTO THIS COUNTRY ILLEGALLY, YOUR (sic) BREAKING THE LAW!! And if I see someone breaking the law, the constitution says that I can shoot their ass!!!! That’s what the second amendment is their (sic) for!!!!! It is a scientific FACT that 98% of all the rapes in Texas are committed by Mexicans. But it’s not like OBUMMER is going to do anything about it… He’d probably LOVE for more of his Muslim family members to come here. WE NEED A WALL, AND WE NEED IT NOW!!!!!”
Me, thinking to myself while scratching my head, maintaining radio silence, and taking a screenshot to show my sane friends: (Ahh, I see. This person isn’t just ignorant or being insensitive…. This person is insane. Don’t say another word)

You never know who you’re pissing off.

Because here’s an important thing to remember: Arguments are for people who are rational. There’s no point in making a reasonable case to someone who is clearly unreasonable. It’s like trying to get someone who doesn’t speak your language to understand what you’re saying by getting louder…. It makes no sense. Getting into an argument with Crazy only makes you look Stupid. Think about it…. If I say to someone, “That doesn’t make any sense,” and they respond with “Applesauce Mayonnaise,” that’s a pretty decent clue that the person you are dealing with is not all there. As my grandma always said–There’s no winning an argument with “Applesauce Mayonnaise.” I’m not going to lie to you–she didn’t really say that. Well actually, I don’t know…. She might have said that. I wasn’t around her all the time, you know? Anyway, my point is this: Let us all look for the places in our lives–online and face-to-face–where people are saying the equivalent of “Applesauce Mayonnaise.” And let’s learn to let it go (It should be noted that I’m saying this as much to myself as I am to anyone who happens to be reading this. Maybe more).

Because you know what else? The sorts of people who say the equivalent of “Applesauce Mayonnaise” (and here’s where the “How To Not Get Murdered” part comes in) are usually not the most “stable” people in the world.

Run–don’t walk–away from this dude. Yikes.

So I’ll leave you with a little friendly advice on how to spot “Crazy” on Facebook. Here’s what to look for: A Profile Picture with American flag on it. Or an eagle. Or a gun. If, God forbid, you run into a person with an eagle carrying guns in front of a flag, be extremely cautious. I’m NOT saying you have to be afraid to engage these people…. but if you sense even a HINT of crazy, don’t argue. Just apologize. It’s not worth it. The only thing more dangerous than the Eagle/Gun/Flag combo is the addition to that unstable equation of a cross…. Or any Christian symbol, really. Do not engage in anything resembling an argument with these people. They generally interpret the voice in their head as the voice of God. And the voice in their head is the same one that told them to buy that sticker of Calvin peeing something. And anyone listening to that voice is not to be trusted with a sidearm…. Because you just know that every single one of them has a gun. I said it once already, but it bears repeating: Arguments are for people who are rational.

“Man, I’m glad I called THAT guy….”

Happy to help!

I can’t even tell you how cool it is that I already have 11 Patrons! A new supporter of the blog is my friend Lydia. She is so kind, and she has what very well might be the best head of hair I have ever seen. Even more impressive than her hair and her personality is the fact the she and her husband Donald are going to be on ABC’s Shark Tank this Friday, October 9th pitching an awesome product they invented called “NerdWax.” You should totally watch it. And thank you to those of you who enjoy this blog and want to see even more of my writing by helping support me.