Smear the Queer and the Presidential Debates

Posted on October 3, 2012 by theboeskool

The brown man versus the orange man…. I’m riveted.

Tonight, the first presidential debate will take place, and America will watch as Barack Obama and Mitt Romney duel it out to try to win over the remaining undecided voters out there–All 600 of them. We will watch as Romney looks for a place to insert his well-practiced “zingers,” and we will yawn as Obama tries his hardest to not make any big mistakes. We will squirm as Romney tries to distance himself from the “ObamaCare” (I hate that freaking word) that is modeled after his own program, and we will roll our eyes as we hear for the 1000th time about how it takes longer than four years to fix the problems he inherited. Blue and red, failed policies and private sector experience, and they will both attempt to tell stories about “real Americans” and how their policies will be the ones to pull the country out of mess it’s in…. *Groan*

These guys would have never lasted on our elementary playground.

When I was a kid, we played a game called “Smear the Queer” (We had no idea about the homophobic nature of the game’s title–We just played it. How a bunch of 2nd and 3rd graders learned about a game called “Smear the Queer” is another blog post, I suppose). The game was basically a bunch of boys running around with a football (the “Queer”), and every time the kid with the football got tackled (or “Smeared”), he would kick or throw the ball, someone else would pick it up, and the whole thing would start again. Sometimes a kid would toss the ball away before he was tackled (an act of cowardice that was very shameful), but most of the time it was just kids being tackled and showing off their strength and speed…. There was really no point to the game other than that.

God intended for trees to be straight.

There was one kid in our class who was notoriously hard to take down in Smear the Queer: Taskman. He was the biggest kid in our class–about a full head taller, and he had 40 or 50 pounds on all of us. When Taskman (he was only called Taskman, just as I was only called Bosco) got the ball, Smear the Queer actually became interesting. He was strong enough to stiff arm and toss us aside and keep running, especially when he had a full head of steam. The only way to take him down was for us to all work together. There were some kids who would slow him down (by lying down in front of him or grabbing/bumping–whatever worked), and then there were kids like me who knew our job: I was one of the kids who grabbed ahold of his feet when he got slowed down. When his feet got close enough together, we would hold his feet together and the rest of the kids would push him over. He would fall in slow motion, like an oak. A giant oak that we chopped down together. A giant queer oak.

FIX IT!!!! Seriously….

One kid was never able to tackle Taskman by himself. It took two groups: One group pushing him over, one group hanging onto his feet. I feel like politics in this country today is trying to tackle our problems with only one group. If half the country hates the other half more than they love the future of the country, the Taskmans that we face will keep running–Big problems like failing schools, unemployment, national debt, failing healthcare, and the largest income disparity since the Great Depression. These problems cannot be fixed with stagnant legislators and a refusal to compromise, and they cannot be tackled unless we love more than we hate, and we sacrifice more than we expect. I don’t give a crap who wins this debate (that I’m watching right now). In the immortal words of whatever Kenan Thompson’s character is called on SNL…. FIX IT!!! I’m so done with this garbage.

Posted in 2) Politics | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Finding A Middle Ground On Abortion

Posted on October 1, 2012 by theboeskool

Before I begin, I’d like to ask you for 2 things–First Thing: Please forgive me. I just want to start right out by asking for your forgiveness if anything I say here comes across as hurtful or offensive–I promise it is not my intent (this time, at least) to be either of those things. The issue of abortion is one of the most divisive issues that there is, and people on both sides of the debate are so emotionally charged that it becomes to scary to even talk about. I am certain that something I am going to write here is going to offend people on both sides of this issue, but I am not taking this lightly. Here’s the Second Thing: Please allow me to speak into this situation, even though I’m a man. I’m not saying this jokingly. If I am this tired of men controlling the conversations about women’s health issues, I can just imagine how tiring it has to be for a woman. That being said, please hear me out, and if I don’t add anything of value to the conversation, feel free to leave this in the same pile as you left the term “legitimate rape.”

“Only in America can you be Pro-Death Penalty, Pro-War, Pro-Unmanned Drone Bombs, Pro-Nuclear Weapons, Pro-Guns, Pro-Torture, Pro-Land Mines, AND still call yourself ‘Pro-Life.’”       ~ John Fugelsang

Can’t I just love the enemies who agree with me?

People get very emotional when discussing politics. People also get very emotional when discussing religion…. And I can’t think of any other issue that is so firmly fixed at the crosshairs of these two emotional subjects as the issue of abortion. For many people on both sides of the issue, their beliefs about abortion are so important to them that it overpowers any other matter of contention, and it (almost exclusively) dictates how they will vote in an election. I am not one of those people. And I am not writing this in order to change anyone’s view on the rightness or wrongness of abortion–I doubt even the most eloquently written blog with the funniest photo captions could hope to do that. When I told people that I was writing a blog on abortion, most people’s first question (after an initial “Uh oh.”) was, “Which side are you on?” Well, I’m not taking sides. I’m on the side of civil discourse. I’m on the side of loving your enemy. I’m on the side of being able to talk to someone with whom you completely disagree, and I am writing this post about the conversation.

This is so much less flashy than “YOU’RE GOING TO BURN IN HELL,” but it’s so much nicer.

We live in a world that attempts to sway the thoughts of the people in the middle, NOT through civil discourse or rational and respectful conversation, but through the strategy of having the people at the extremes make as much noise as possible. On issues that are very polarizing, it seems that the plan has become adopting such a extreme view that it pulls the perception of “the middle ground” toward their ideological end of the political spectrum. Unfortunately this often works…. but the process leaves those of us in the middle (who see the shades of gray in other people’s black and white worlds) feeling disillusioned, and even hopeless that anything like common ground or consensus or even community can come from yet another conversation. And we are left with one side loudly arguing with the other side while the rest of the people quietly slip away into the other room and discuss Christina leaving The Voice…. attempting to avoid adding to an aparently fruitless noise.

But we have to be able to come to a place where we can talk to each other–even (or especially) about something as divisive as abortion. I believe that something the world needs now more than ever is CIVIL DISCOURSE. We are so divided, but I believe we can do it. Here are some things to remember when talking to someone about abortion–They are easily remembered using the acronym AAAAA (I’ve never been very good with acronyms):

  • Assume The Best. Consider the possibility that the people who disagree you are not doing so out of some sort of demonic, baby bloodlust or a vast eugenics conspiricy, nor are they doing it out of a desire for fascist, patriarchal nation-state that is in complete control of a woman’s body and choices. People probably believe the way they do because they think they are doing the right thing. That’s something important to remember.
  • Attempt To Find Places Of Agreement. Believe me when I say this: No one wants as many abortions as possible! Everyone wants to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies, but people have a lot of different ideas about how to accomplish that. Some people think the best way to do this is by making abortions illegal even in cases of incest and rape. Others believe that there are better ways to be Pro-Life than by trying to make abortion illegal–That the best way to lower the abortion rate is by addressing poverty, increasing education and access to birth control/healthcare, and by reforming the Church into the kind of people who are so filled with love and alien to judgment that it becomes a way more natural decision for a girl facing an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy to carry her baby to term and give it up for adoption. Whichever side you are on, consider the fact that (other than a demented few) nobody wants as many abortions as possible.
  • Allow For The Possibility That You Might Be Wrong. Think of a time that you were CERTAIN that you would always feel exactly the same way, but then, for whatever reason, you changed your mind . It’s okay to be sure of yourself–I do it all the time–but if you acknowledge that you have been wrong before, and that you may not always think exactly the same way that you do right now, it makes you a lot easier to talk to AND to listen to. In other words, be humble.
  • Apologize. If you say something that hurts someone, say you’re sorry. And actually BE sorry–Don’t pull one of those, “I’m sorry that you care more about being inconvenienced than you do about your unborn child” sorts of apologies. Be full of empathy and quick to apologize if you say or do something that hurts someone else. Putting your cause above people is a real fast way to become a jackass.
  • Admit Complexity. Everyone who votes for a Pro-Life candidate is not necessarily anti-choice, and everyone who votes for a Pro-Choice candidate is not necessarily anti-life. It might not be as simple as the people on the extremes think it is. On one end of the spectrum, we have people who say that taking a pill that prevents pregnancy the day after a condom breaks is basically premeditated murder. On the other end, we have people who believe that because a baby is in her body, the mother has the right to do what she wants with it–even at 39 weeks. Many people find themselves somewhere in between these ideological extremes. For example, the Mayo Clinic says that 26 weeks after conception, “Otherwise healthy babies born this week have a 90 percent chance of survival without physical or neurological impairment,” and yet abortions are legal up to week 24…. If you can’t see why many people are concerned about this fact, you are not trying very hard. Understanding that people (who find themselves at different places along this ideological spectrum) have legitimates reasons for believing as they do is a pretty decent starting point for civil discourse, but this “Admitting Complexity” thing requires some more explanation…. Specifically for the issue of discussing abortion.

The Beard. Nature’s way of preventing pregnancies….

I went into college as sure as a person could be that “life began at conception,” and therefore, abortion was murder. In a Biological Ethics class, we discussed this, and we were asked the question, “When is someone declared dead?” The answer is: When they have no pulse and no brainwaves. Turns out there is a time after conception that a fetus has no heartbeat or brainwaves…. Is it murder to abort a fetus that has no pulse or brainwaves? I don’t know. And even if my morality or my belief in God convicted me that it was, can and should I demand that a person without my same beliefs be bound my my convictions? Especially when medically, they might have competing conclusions…. And if personhood begins at conception (or two weeks before), is there an investigation into a lost child during pregnancy (somewhere between 10-25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, or what doctors call Spontaneous Abortions)? As many as 50% of pregnancies for women 45 and older end in miscarriage…. Should we allow women that age to get pregnant when half of their babies are dying? There are a lot of questions, and the answers are not as simple as some people think.

And while your at it, keep your penance off of my…. You know what? Let’s just try to remember that not everyone believes the same things you do.

When people are overly simplistic with complex issues, feelings end up getting hurt–Especially when you realize that you never really know who you’re talking to. Someone walks up being very secure and vocal about their case for a woman’s right to choose…. But what they don’t realize is that the person they are talking to has been trying for years to have a child and can’t, or maybe she has had multiple miscarriages, and the thought of a person ending a pregnancy (when a pregnancy is what they want more than anything else in the world) seems as selfish as something can be. Someone else walks up being very secure and vocal about how abortion is murder…. But what they don’t realize is that they are talking to a person who was forced to make a decision between two very shitty choices–That some guy forced himself on her, she decided to end the pregnancy, and then a teenager was forced to walk through a gauntlet of judgmental people who claimed to represent Jesus as they shouted hate-filled things that echo in her ears to this day.

Wrap it up….

So I have to wrap this up (another way to prevent abortions, by the way). I’m sure that most people who identify themselves as Pro-Life probably read this and think I’m Pro-Choice, just like the Pro-Choice people probably read this and think I’m Pro-Life, but I don’t really care what category people put me in. Sometimes life leaves us in a position where there is no good choice, and how dare you judge someone who had to live through one of those sorts of situations? I also believe that there are actual things worth talking about surrounding our abortion laws. For example, the “point of viability” for a fetus might be different 40 years after Roe v. Wade than it was in 1973, and I think that issue can be discussed without taking away a woman’s right to privacy and choice. In those same 40 years there have been around 50 million abortions, and I think we can all agree that that number is way too high. What if the Church started to model such love to the world that more girls facing an unplanned pregnancy would be moved and inspired to choose adoption? Maybe if we can stop demonizing and yelling at each other for long enough, we can work together to figure out how to prevent so many unwanted pregnancies….

Posted in 4) All Of The Above | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

Blogs, Birthdays and Bullshit

Posted on September 22, 2012 by theboeskool

I’m not usually big on presents for anniversaries, but I feel like I’ve earned this balloon.

It has been exactly one year since I have started this blog. Today is my one year bloggiversary! When I started this, I honestly didn’t think I would keep doing it. Ever since I was a kid, the surest way to turn something fun into something that felt like work was to make me feel like I had to do it. I expected that writing this blog would very quickly turn into something that I HAD to do instead of something that I WANTED to do…. But here we are, one year and 50 or so blog posts later, and this has turned from something that I want to do into something that I NEED to do. I have written about a whole lot of stuff–From Vasectomies to Military Suicides, from Challenging the traditional view of Hell to Pooping in the Woods, from How to Not be a Jackass in a restaurant to How to not be Annoying on Facebook, from Mitt Romney to Ron Paul to Obama to Martin Luther King Jr. to Daniel Larusso, From Gay Marriage to Chick-Fil-A…. I have offended some people and inspired some people, and in the process I have become the object of many “You know what you should blog about?” emails. Good or bad, this blog has become something that I am very proud of.

This lady is way more judgy than I am…. wait, did that sound judgy?

So my most recent post was one of the ones that offended people–Although this one was different. It offended a lot of the people who usually enjoy my particular brand of offensiveness. In my last post, I wrote about Mormons and I linked to a website that was written by a man who grew up in the Mormon church but left after finding evidence that the Mormon “church has misled its members as to the character of its founding leaders, the veracity of its doctrines, and the divinity of its origin.” He researched examples of the church’s misleadings, and he posted them on a website called 20truths.info. It was the first time that I wrote a post in order to get someone to read someone else’s post (which is admittedly very long), so if you didn’t go to that site, the things I wrote might have seemed more judgy than normal….

YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

There are a lot of people who like my blog because I do not shy away from shining a light on the hypocrisy of Christians. I talk about loving Muslims and gay people and the poor, and I focus a lot on the love and mercy of God rather than on God’s anger and judgement. I think that some people have gotten the idea that I am an “anything goes, whatever you think is right is right for you” sort of person. This is not who I am. I am not into cultural relativism. I believe that there is right and there is wrong. There are a lot of things that we don’t know, there are a lot of things that are very complicated, and there are a lot of things that are not black and white…. But there is right and there is wrong, even when we don’t see it clearly.

I believe there is such thing as truth–That the truth is not subjective. And I don’t believe that all religions are the same. I believe that Jesus is the hope for the world. And yes, I realize that when people hear someone utter a sentence like that, there is all kinds of baggage that they put on it–baggage that takes all kinds of conversation and even relationship in order to sort out. And I guess that’s partly what my blog is about….

The opposite of the truth….

I am, like most people, just a person who is searching for the truth. And for me, the opposite of truth is bullshit. And when I’m blogging, there are times to shine a light on truth and there are times to shine a light on bullshit. I think a fair criticism of me would be to say that I might spend too much time focusing a light on bullshit…. Maybe I’m just cynical, but sometimes (most of the time) it feels like there is just so much more bullshit than there is truth. So I’m not a guy who is critical of Christianity or Christians–Christians are great…. I’m critical of Christian bullshit. I’m not a guy who is critical of republicans–There are all kinds of great reasons to be a republican…. I’m critical of republican bullshit.

So in this last post, I am not being critical of Mormons–There are all kinds of things that Christians can learn from Mormons. But when people say that Mormons and Christians are basically the same, I say bullshit. They are not. There are significant differences. And when conservative Christians say that Christians are supposed to vote for Christians, and then they suddenly support a Mormon candidate, I call bullshit. I believe that where Mormons line up with Jesus they are getting it right, and I believe that they line up with Joseph Smith they are lining up with a deceptive, philandering, manipulative, imaginative man who may have talked himself into believing his own lies. The more I learn about Joseph Smith, the more convinced of this I become…. And I have never seen anything more convincing than the information contained on http://www.20truths.info.

I blame this on the Church….

I do not love Jesus more than I love the truth. I don’t love anything more than I love the truth. I believe that Jesus IS the truth. Let’s say you love your dad and think that he can do no wrong, but if someone shows you overwhelming EVIDENCE that your dad has been stealing and lying and cheating on your mom, it would be appropriate for your view of your dad to change. What you don’t do is you don’t hide the evidence. If someone showed me the sort of evidence laid out against Joseph Smith only it was against Jesus, I would be like, “Okay, I guess I was wrong. Jesus is not the Way, the Truth, and the Life. My bad.” Where the Church has dipped its toes into bullshit, or even wholeheartedly embraced bullshit (the Crusades, the Native American Holocaust, Slavery, the Jewish Holocaust, child abuse by priests, oppression of gays and lesbians…. let’s just say most of the world’s tragedies), it is our responsibility to strongly and lovingly point this out and take responsibility for it–not cover it up. This has not usually been the case, and what I wrote about with my last post is the systemic covering up of bullshit by the mormon church.

Now, if this makes you want to call me intolerant, than so be it. I am intolerant of bullshit. I view Mormons as my brothers and sisters just as I view Muslims as my brothers and sisters.  Just like I view Christians who have been deceived into believing that being a Christian is about hating gays, killing their enemies, and gaining power and money as being my brothers and sisters. Just like I view atheists who believe that there is no higher power than mankind as being my brothers and sisters. I believe, just like Mulder and Scully, that the truth is out there. And I believe that we can find it together without hating each other, but also without watering down the truth to something as worthless as opinion–All in the name of tolerance. If acceptance means letting go of the concept of truth, then acceptance is bullshit too…. Still, at the same time, we have to remember that we don’t have all the answers. It’s complicated, but Love is what is real, not acceptance. Even though it is easy to get bogged down by cynicism, I remain hopeful that we can walk together with people who believe differently than us while letting go of judgment, calling out hypocrisy, and loving each other despite our differences–All while having faith that there is such thing as truth as we walk toward it together.

Happy Birthday, The Boeskool!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Mormons.

Posted on September 19, 2012 by theboeskool

This is not going to be politically correct….

“Trip to Disney World?!?! No no no…. I said, ‘I tripped and got dizzy and hurled.’ Big difference.”

My life is full of examples of times that I have said things without thinking. I have a friend who is always planning secret trips and parties and events for his wife, and sometimes these surprises involve other people’s cooperation. For some reason, I have a legitimate disability with NOT saying things that spoil a surprise or give away a secret. There will be three months’ worth of secretive deception, and I will walk up and be like, “So when are you guys leaving for Disney World again?” Followed by the horrified silence of the other people in the room. Which is followed shortly by me breaking into a cold sweat, and then babbling like an idiot about “another friend” I have who is going to Disney World, and then confessing that I accidentally drank some anti-freeze that afternoon which explains my erratic behavior…. I am the worst.

I’m not really sure about this one….

Most of these sorts of mistakes (as well as most of the other times I’ve put my foot in my mouth and regretted it) wouldn’t have happened if I would have just taken that brief moment between the thinking of something and the saying of something to ask myself a very important question: “Why am I saying this?” I’ve been thinking a lot about this question as I considered writing this post. All over the world right now, Muslims are freaking out because of a horribly and intentionally offensive film that was made to incite violence–A film which was, by the way, financially backed by a group ironically calling itself “Media For Christ.” The film (if you can call it that) is meant to defame and denigrate Islam’s founding prophet Mohammed in a way that is as inflammatory as possible. It was such a disgusting show of provocation…. and now here I sit typing a blog post about how Joseph Smith, the founding prophet of the Mormons, was completely full of crap. And I’m thinking, “Why am I saying this?”

Mitt Romney–The smirkiest presidential candidate since William Howard Taft.

I have been interested in Mormon theology for a while, but I guess I became more interested in it after so much of the “Christian Right” embraced Mitt Romney as their presidential candidate. It seems the Christian Right ran into a bit of a problem now that the democratic candidate is a professing Christian and the republican candidate is a Mormon. There seem to be two ways that Christian conservatives are handling this dilema: 1) Have a sudden change of heart about the importance they place on voting for the Christian candidate, or 2) Try to minimize (or even overlook) the significant differences between Mormons and Christians while focusing on “common values.” This process started as soon as it became clear that Mitt was going to be the republican candidate for president, and the Christian Right had to decide which was the more important part of their brand name: The “Christian,” or the “Right.” The choice they have made is clear….

He does look very “white and delightsome.”

A while ago I wrote about how I was troubled by this hypocrisy/sudden turn around in policy from Christian conservatives, and I also wrote very briefly about how Mormonism is closer to Islam than it is to Christianity, but I realized that I, like many Christians, knew very little about what Mormons actually believe. Part of the reason for this lack of knowledge is a lack of transparency–Mormon leadership tries very hard to keep some of their more unorthodox beliefs as secret as possible until the follower is “ready to hear them.” I had read a bit about some of the differences in their theology (Jesus and Satan are brothers, God used to be a man from another planet, we can be Gods some days and populate our own planet with our kids, etc….), but didn’t really know where these beliefs came from–Namely Joseph Smith. And I didn’t really know the historical evidence surrounding the dubious origins and story of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

I’ve only heard good things about The Book of Mormon….

This brings me to the reason for me writing this post, which is to tell you about a website that I have discovered that does an amazing job of explaining with factual and historical evidence how Mormonism is simply and empirically not true. The website is called www.20truths.info, and it is literally the whole reason I am writing this. It was written by a person named Jim Day. He is a former Mormon who has his Ph.D., and what he has written is so, so interesting to me–and I want you to read it too. He is fair (including the strongest responses to his concerns from Mormon apologists) and he is factual (citing just about everything he writes). In the introduction he says, “I believe the truths cited herein clearly show that the church has misled its members as to the character of its founding leaders, the veracity of its doctrines, and the divinity of its origin.” And that is exactly what he proves. And it is not about calling a different theology crazy–Who am I to tell someone that their sacred text is any less inspired by God than our sacred text? Christians have beliefs that people outside of the Church find just as crazy as Christians might find Mormons beliefs (i.e. Virgin birth and God being three persons but only one God). This website is about facts and evidence.

So why am I saying this?

This. Dude. Is. CRAZY!!! JK…. However, he does appear to be very white and delightsome.

I’m writing about this because the truth is more important than any institution. Whenever making an institution look good is more important than the truth, that’s when everything falls apart. That’s when it stops being a church and starts being a business. And that is so gross. I mean, when the Catholics found out about child abuse being committed by priests, the only appropriate response is shining a light on those acts of abuse and dealing with them by acknowledging those failings. Or if the protestant youth pastor gets caught sleeping with one of the girls from the youth group, you don’t try to cover it up. And yeah, I know every religion has its crazies–Islam has its Al Qaeda. Christianity has its Westboro Baptist Church. Buddhism has its Richard Gere…. Why should Mormons be any different, right? But this isn’t about some strange sect of Mormonism that is forcing 15 year old girls into polygamous marriages with 70 year old men–The difference with acknowledging the garbage in the Mormon church is that you don’t simply end up with PEOPLE who are deceptive, manipulative, philandering frauds, you discover a founding PROPHET who was a deceptive, manipulative, philandering fraud. And you discover a church that is not only based off of the teachings of a man with these kind of severe character flaws, but a church which also works very hard to deceptively try to conceal the many moral failings of the guy who claimed to hear from God and find the golden plates that only he could see or read.

So I hope that this doesn’t come across as being hateful. This is not about hate–It is about the truth. I am not trying to ruin anyone’s trip to Disney World…. I am critical of this just like I am critical of the belief by some Christians that the world is only 6000 years old. If my religion was based off a man whose plagiarized stories were proven to be genetically and linguistically and archeologically false, I would speak out against it. Because the truth is more important than faith in any institution. But most of all, I hope you go to www.20truths.info and take the time to actually read it. It’s very interesting. And it’s true.

Posted in 5) Not Quite Sure | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 22 Comments

Collecting Coins and Climbing the Ladder

Posted on August 29, 2012 by theboeskool

As big of a fan as I was of this guy as a kid, I still prefer Luigi in Mario Cart…. And as a Halloween costume.

I don’t think I realized that I was as compulsive as I am until I played Super Mario Brothers. We had an Atari, and I played a mean game of Pitfall. I was also a Q-Bert champion (especially after I figured out the thing about turning the controller diagonally), but Super Mario Bros just brought out my inner OCD. I am the kind of person who would start the game over if I missed a coin–Like I knew that if I jumped fast enough, I could punch 14, maybe 15 coins out of the low blocks and 9, maybe 10 out of the higher ones. Anything less than that and the game was getting restarted. And it wasn’t enough for me to wuss out and take the warps at the end of 1-2 and 4-2 (my fellow dorks know what I’m talking about)–I had to defeat the game by completing all the levels.

College doesn’t get any better than this.

I think it was the coins…. I loved hearing the sound and watching the number go up until I got a 1UP. It carried over into other games as well–I discovered Final Fantasy VII in college and spent hundreds of hours making imaginary characters very, very strong (I don’t regret this at all, by the way. That game completely rocked). I had to find every hidden treasure in Tomb Raider. Even stupid Angry Birds! I seriously cannot stop playing a level until I get 3 stars. I have a problem. But at some point–if we can manage a moment of clarity–there should come a time when every sane person says, “Wait a second…. What the crap am I doing? I’m slinging make-believe birds at green pigs. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?! Sometimes I feel this way about life….

“Love me, Love me. Say that you love me….”

I’m compulsive with this blog too. This is something that most non-blogging people (NBP’s, we call them. No we don’t) probably don’t think about, but after you post something, you can track a lot of numbers about your blog. Things like how many people are viewing it per hour or per day, what country they are viewing it in, and how they found it (most people find my blog through Facebook and a few through Twitter) or, if they found it through a search, what search terms they were looking for (for example, today someone found my blog by searching “sauerkraut kielbasa gives me diarrhea.” I attract a very classy reader). Also, at the bottom of the blog there are these little buttons that say Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Reddit, etc. that you can push to share, and then next to that button it shows the number of times that people have shared that post for each site (You can see them at the bottom of this post). For some reason, this is the number that I care about. It is like a shiny, Mario Bros. coin to me.

So last week, I decided to spend the $20 and purchase “theboeskool.com” as my site (before that, it was theboeskool.wordpress.com. Not nearly as catchy). Surprisingly enough, it was available. When I switched over the domain name, for some reason it reset all of my share numbers back to zero. And there was no getting them back. When I saw this had happened, I literally broke out in a sweat. I hadn’t realized how much of my self-worth was wrapped up in those numbers. I felt validated by them. When I saw those numbers I thought, “Wow! People that I don’t even know like what I wrote enough to share it. People approve of me!!!” But it wasn’t just that I knew that people approved of me–I think it was that I wanted OTHER people to know that people approved of me. And now I had lost the “proof” that I had done something that people liked. Ugh…. Is this why I’m writing? So people will tell me that I’m good enough?

“Where were you, when they built the ladder to heaven? 9/11….”

But blog statistics are kind of like life. You might start out with 10-15 people sharing your blog, and then one day you write something that 30 people share and it makes you feel pretty good about yourself. Then, some time later after you have written stuff that 200, 500, or 4000 people have shared, all the sudden 30 shares feels like a failure. We all climb ladders in our lives. We see that next rung and think, “If I can just get there, it will make me happy.” But we forget that there is always another rung after that. And after that. And that ladder keeps going all the way up.

But blogging is just MY thing right now–We all have those things in our lives that we look to for validation: Maybe it’s people “liking” the things you write on Facebook. Maybe it’s people telling you how good you look. Or how beautiful you are. Or how funny you are. Or how smart you are. Maybe it’s your title at work. Or what neighborhood you live in. Or what kind of car you have. Maybe it’s someone you respect telling you that you do good work. Or that you are important.

Art imitating life….

And people NEED to know that they are important. And beautiful. And special…. It’s when their knowledge of those things depends on continually hearing them that it becomes a problem. And people SHOULD try to improve themselves. And grow. And succeed…. It’s when those successes (or reaching the next rung on the ladder) determine their self-worth that it becomes a problem. Because those people who are lucky/talented enough to reach that highest rung rung where they can see no one else above them–even they look around at the top and realize sooner or later that a lot of it was just flinging make-believe birds at green pigs. In many ways, we are all just a bunch of stereotypically Italian plumbers in colorful outfits, running through sewers, killing turtles, and collecting imaginary coins.

You might look back someday at the cape and consider it a mistake…. Then again, you might not.

But not everything is imaginary. When you think about it, the things that matter the most are not things at all. Things like relationship and trust and love and God–All things you can’t really touch or measure. For me, just knowing another person’s heart, and having them truly know yours (and having them still want to be around you)…. Such Sweetness! To be able to help someone, and to have that person help you to better understand yourself…. Such Reality! To trust someone enough to give your heart away…. Such Joy! Because all of the stuff we collect–It falls apart. All of our accomplishments–They don’t last (Someday Usain Bolt will be standing around watching someone else run, just like Carl Lewis is standing around watching him). Beauty fades, careers end, investment portfolios get emptied…. But if we invest in love–in our communities, in our families, in our relationships–If we invest in each other, THAT’S when we start to lose sight of the ladders and the numbers and the coins. And that’s when we really win.

But seriously…. Share this blog or I’ll feel like a failure.

Posted in 5) Not Quite Sure | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

A Father’s Take On Breastfeeding

Posted on August 26, 2012 by theboeskool

This is basically the first thing that each of my kids saw when they came into this world.

The other day, my oldest daughter got out of the car and asked me to pick me her up and carry her inside. She’s almost eight and I was tired, and my initial reaction was “You can walk,” but then she looked at me and said, “Pleeeease?” I looked at this kid standing in front of me whose head comes up past my belly…. And I thought to myself, “How much longer am I going to get the chance to carry around this sweet little girl?” I thought back to that day almost eight years ago, standing in a hospital room feeling like I was having an out of body experience as my wife pushed out this little person while a team of people stared at her crotch. I thought back to our doctor (picture Chevy Chase in hospital scrubs) telling us that we had a daughter, and I remember the sound of a little girl crying…. And then realizing that sound was coming from me. The baby was also crying.

For the whole pregnancy, all we could think about was the birth. We waited to find out if we were having a boy or a girl (I highly recommend this), so the birth was like this big reveal. The actual birth wasn’t really that scary at all (as my wife rolls her eyes at me)–because someone else is in charge the whole time. The scary part is what comes after the birth. Next thing we know, we’re holding this baby and we’re like, “Ummm…. Now what?”

Some people have a more innate instinct to suck than others.

After the baby gets all cleaned off and weighed and whatnot, one of the first things they try to do when she is out is get her breastfeeding. I was not properly prepared for how amazing this process is–The fact that every baby comes out with this innate instinct to suck, and the fact that these things that, since around fifth grade, had held such mystery and fascination for me were also able to provide a baby with every bit of nutrition it needed. Our daughter was having trouble latching on (for those of you who might not know, this is what it’s called when the baby’s mouth makes a firm seal around the nipple), so the longer this went on, the more stressed out we got. It had been almost 24 hours, and one of the nurses asked if we’d like to give her some formula. We knew that breast milk is the best thing for a child, and we felt like this was giving up, so we said no. The next day, there was a new lactation consultant (Thanks a lot, high school guidance counselor, for not telling me about this job, for some reason) who was like, “We can do this,” and she helped us get our baby girl to latch on. You’d have thought she had just graduated from college, I was so proud. I think I was more relieved about that than I was about the actual birth.

I’d love to help out, but all this hair makes it really hard for the baby to latch on.

People usually stay at the hospital for a couple days after the baby is born. These days are pretty care-free (especially after she started feeding) because you are surrounded by professionals whose job it is to care for a child–If a nurse picks up your child, you don’t have this secret fear that she is going to drop your baby or get it sick (like you do when all the clumsy, germy “friends” and “relatives” walk in your room). But before you know it, those 48 hours of being able to hand your baby off to a nurse so that you can get some sleep are over, and that same nurse is telling you, “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.” And this feeling of terror comes over you as you wonder whether or not you should confess to the nurse that you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing….

We had signed all of our papers and were literally walking out of the room with the baby in the carseat, and our nurse stopped us to give us a little peptalk. She goes, “Listen. I have only seen this once, but I never want to see it happen again–DON’T SLEEP WITH THE BABY IN YOUR BED!!! This couple had their baby in their bed with them, and the father rolled over while he was sleeping and suffocated the baby, and they woke up with a dead baby….” WHAT THE HELL!?!?!!?!??!!!! As if I wasn’t terrified enough already? You decide to leave us with THAT??? It’s like, “Hey, it was really nice meeting you guys. Have fun! Oh, by the way, there’s a pretty good chance you might kill this kid…. Drive safe.”

I still have nightmares.

I realize that this is a rattle snake, but this is the best Google Images had to offer….

When you actually get home, sleep is very, very hard to come by. Babies don’t sleep. And it turns out that the only time that you get to sleep is when the baby is sleeping. What they don’t tell you is that for some babies, the only way you can get them to fall asleep is to lay down WITH them. Sometimes in the middle of the night the baby would wake up hungry, and the wife would feed her in bed. I would listen to her falling asleep–Her breathing would change to her sleeping breaths–and all I could think of was one of us rolling over onto this sweet, helpless child and waking up with a dead baby. This one nurse’s warning had bored its way deep into my psyche, and now, just about every night, I would wake up with a night terror, like Homer Simpson yelling, “COBRAS!!!” I would wake up with the words, “Where’s the baby!” and I would frantically feel all around the bed, patting down my sleeping wife like some sort of groggy TSA agent. This continued long after my wife stopped breastfeeding. Stupid nurse….

This is going to be the healthiest White Russian you have ever tasted….

Before we had kids, I had no idea how big of a deal breastfeeding is. It turns out that producing a lot of breast milk is like this badge on honor for moms. They love to tell everyone about how much milk they get–“Come children of Nashville! Suckle at my ample bosom! There is enough milk here FOR ALLLLL!!” But along with this pride that mothers feel about producing all kinds of breast milk, there is also a quiet shame that is felt when they are not producing enough, or they start to lose their milk before they had planned, and they have to supplement with *gasp* formula. Everyone knows that formula is not as good as breast milk for a child, but it’s weird how something like only producing three ounces instead of four ounces can make a woman feel like a failure as a mom. The next thing you know, your wife has every herbal supplement known to man in an attempt to get more milk–She’s drinking a gallon of breast milk tea with dinner, she’s dipping fenugreek like it’s Skoal Chewing Tobacco, and injecting something called Blessed Thistle directly into her veins like some sort of matronly Lance Armstrong (Oh no, he didn’t. Oh yes, I did).

If you haven’t ever watched this show before, you probably should. With or without kids.

But how much breast milk a woman produces is not what makes her a good mom. Just like neither is having a home birth, or birthing into some kiddie pool, or managing to have a natural birth as opposed to one with pain meds (or having a C-section), or homeschooling, or being a stay-at-home mom instead of having a job, or how organic your baby food is. What makes you a good mom (or, for that matter, a good parent) is that you love your kid. And we all do that in different ways. Sure, there are some things we can do for our kids that are better than others, but life happens…. And sometimes both parents have to work. Or sometimes moms breastfeed for three months and decide they can’t keep on pumping in a closet at the office. Or sometimes you wind up at a cookout where all there is to eat are hot dogs. Or sometimes you let your kids watch eight episodes of Phineas & Ferb in a row, because if you don’t get a nap, you’re going to lose. Your Freaking. MIND. What’s important is that kids know that they are loved.

Needless to say, I carried that sweet (not so) little girl of mine in from the car. And I’ll keep doing it as long as she keeps asking me…. and maybe even a little longer.

Posted in 3) Bathroom Humor, 5) Not Quite Sure | Tagged , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Jesus Voting Republican Would Be A Miracle

Posted on August 22, 2012 by theboeskool

I swear I’m not a democrat. Sure, I still have an “I ♥ Barack” bumper sticker on my car from the 2008 election, but the heart has completely worn off, so now it just says “I   Barack.” I tell people it’s quoting the first two words of President Obama being sworn in…. I don’t put any faith in the democratic party to fix what is wrong with this country. I really don’t. My Hope for Change has nothing to do with Barack Obama. Don’t get me wrong–I like the guy. I like listening to him talk. I think he is smart, he is genuinely trying to do the right thing, and he has integrity. But electing more democrats to office than republicans is not the solution to the problems this country or this world is facing…. For me (and probably for a lot of other people) voting for a democrat is only the right choice when considering the alternative–I am only a democrat insofar as I am SO NOT a republican.

Images of Jesus always portray him with such a nicely manicured beard. This is one of my favorites, though not as much since I realized it resembles The King in the Burger King commercials…. I suppose that’s appropriate.

Our foundational beliefs shape our political decisions, and what I believe about Jesus profoundly shapes my own politics. If we’re taking sides between the rich and the poor, I’m siding with the poor. And it’s not just because I am poor–Relatively speaking, of course. In this country, I’m on the poor end of the spectrum, but compared to most of the world I live like a king–but also because I believe Jesus calls us to be on the side of the poor. It seems to me that the republican party is far more concerned with the rights of the rich to keep as much of their money as possible than they are with the rights of poor who are being exploited in order to build the fortunes of the rich. One party is the party of “I” and the other (more so, at least) is the party of “WE.” I know it’s not as simple as “Rich vs. Poor” or “I vs. We,” but there truly has been a shift in the republican party recently that is so foundationally contradictory to the gospel of Jesus Christ that it leaves me bewildered and discouraged as to why the church can’t see it. One of the symptoms of this contradiction is the worship and discipleship of conservatives and republicans around the teachings of Ayn Rand.

She looks like quite a charmer.

I’d say most people probably don’t know that much about Ayn Rand. If you don’t know anything about her, you should do a little research, as she is an interesting figure in philosophical/economic/political thought. She basically came up with a philosophical system called “Objectivism” that championed “The Virtue of Selfishness,” and believed that man’s pursuit of his own “rational self-interest and of his own happiness is the highest moral purpose of his life.”  She is one of the heroes of capitalist theory, and therefore one of the heroes of many of today’s conservative politicians–People like Ron Paul and his son Senator Rand Paul, Alan Greenspan, Clarence Thomas, and Mitt Romney’s new vice presidential running mate Paul Ryan. By the way, “Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan” anagrams to “My ultimate Ayn Rand porn.” Coincidence? I think not.

This attack ad questions the giant crush republicans have on Ayn Rand:

Here are some things that Paul Ryan, who credits Ayn Rand’s writings with getting him into public service, has said about her:

  • He said that her books are “required reading in my office for all my interns and my staff.”
  • “Ayn Rand, more than anybody else, did a fantastic job of explaining the morality of capitalism, the morality of individualism, and this to me is what matters most.” Here is Ryan in 2009 explaining his Ayn Rand-sized infatuation.
  • “It doesn’t surprise me that sales of The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged have surged lately with the Obama administration coming in, because it’s that kind of thinking, that kind of writing that is sorely needed right now.”
  • “I grew up reading Ayn Rand and it taught me quite a bit about who I am and what my value systems are and what my beliefs are. It’s inspired me so much….”

Then, in March of 2012, Catholics United criticized Paul Ryan (a Catholic) about the idealogical erection (my terminology, not theirs) he has for Rand (an Atheist) with this this statement:

“We question why Ryan, a self-professed Catholic, would put the teachings of ultra-capitalist Ayn Rand (of whom he has spoken glowingly) before the teachings of Jesus and the Catholic Church…. Rand, whose doctrine states self-sacrifice for one’s friends—a core tenet of Christianity—is akin to slavery, teaches the value of the self over all others. In her worldview, self-interest and greed take the place of a higher power.”

Say what you want about his policies…. If his budget plan is half as good as his workout plan, count me in!

Since this press release, and even more since the announcement that he is Romney’s running mate, Paul Ryan has backtracked on his “Randiness,” if you will. He is now saying that his characterization as a Randian/Objectivist thinker is an “urban legend.” Now he is saying things like “I reject her philosophy. It is an atheist philosophy.” This from a man who said that the three books he reads the most are The Bible (well duh–he’s a politician), Friedrich von Hayek’s The Road to Serfdom , and Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. This sudden change of heart seems at its best insincere, and at its worst horse shit.

This just about sums it up…. And there is that beard again! Jesus’ looks nice too. By the way, Ayn Rand ended up taking Social Security under her husband’s name when her personal desire to smoke two packs a day gave her lung cancer.

Really though, it makes sense for him to distance himself from Ayn Rand, and here’s why: You can follow the teachings of Ayn Rand, or you can follow the teachings of Jesus, but you can’t follow both. The selfishness of Ayn Rand’s philosophy was way too in your face–republicans leaders need their worship of the rich to be more nuanced. This is a woman who referred to all the poor as “moochers” and worshiped the dollar above all else–She was rarely seen without her trademark dollar symbol broach, and even arranged for a floral dollar symbol at her funeral. In her diaries, she even went so far as to idolize a mass murderer named William Hickman, whom she called “a superman” for his ability to not care about anything but his own desires. Yet this is the philosophical and moral foundation for the Social Darwinism that much of the republican party is running on. How strange that a party who rejects any theories of evolution would embrace such a hardcore, “survival of the fittest” economic theory…. How incongruent that the party of the “Christian right” could find it possible to have a functioning moral compass with the two poler opposites of Jesus and Ayn Rand….

I’d rather vote for this Mitt.

And that is the reason I can’t let myself vote republican at this time in our nation’s history–Not because I am a “democrat” (whatever that means), or because I want more taxes or bigger government or a welfare state. I don’t. I, like most people, want a government that is effective and doesn’t spend more than it takes in. I think that people like Mitt Romney with stupid amounts of money shouldn’t pay a lower percentage in taxes than the people who work for them. And I think that most people want to work, and having a system that rewards hard work seems to function pretty well. But I believe that part of having a society (and a government) is looking out for each other’s needs–especially the needs of the poor and the powerless. I would rather we cut military spending before we cut social programs. I believe that the “WE” is at least as (if not more) important than the “I.” Do I think Obama winning this election is going to bring us closer to this ideal? Maybe…. Probably not, but at least it’s not moving us in the whole other direction. It’s not the fact that I am a democrat that keeps me from voting republican…. It’s the fact that I’m a Christian. 

“The disposition to admire, and almost to worship, the rich and the powerful, and to despise, or, at least, to neglect persons of poor and mean condition is the great and most universal cause of the corruption of our moral sentiments.” ~ Adam Smith, Scottish political economist

“Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.” ~ Jesus

Posted in 1) Jesus, 2) Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

If Your Brother Climbs A Tree, You Climb It Too

Posted on August 5, 2012 by theboeskool

In high school, my legs were just a little bit skinnier than this.

If you watched any of the Olympics at all yesterday, you probably at least saw a clip of the South African runner people are referring to as “Blade Runner.” His name is Oscar Pistorius, he is a double amputee who is running in this year’s the 400 meters, and he’s been called “The fastest thing on no legs.” It is the first time that any amputee has participated in Track & Field at the Olympics. His participation has created a bit of a controversy–People are claiming that his prothetic legs give him an unfair advantage…. An advantage over the other runners. Who have legs. Imagine running in a race against him and uttering those words: “No fair! Oscar doesn’t have…. legs.” The Olympic committee okayed him to take part this year after extensive tests showed his carbon legs didn’t give him an advantage, and in yesterday’s race, he took second place in his heat and qualified for the semi-finals.

Seriously…. This, plus sand, cannot be comfortable to play in.

There is something about the Olympics that I love so much. It’s such a welcome break from all the election crap that we have to endure at this time of year (though the political ads at every stinking break got very tiring). It’s a time where, for just a while, we can stop thinking about all the things that divide us, and we can focus on the things that unite us as a country: Freaking out over how high those dudes were bouncing on that trampoline, watching as the beach volleyball players’ butts are the focal-point of every camera, and keeping track of whether the US has more medals than China. Really though, I think the thing that gets me is thinking about all the preparation that goes into this one moment in time. Someone spends years and years preparing and working and training…. and then that person does two flips and a full twist and sticks the landing, they put their hands up, and they smile. I don’t really care what National Anthem they play at the medal ceremony (As long as it’s not the Chinese–Just kidding…. Sort of). There is this brotherhood and sisterhood about the Olympics–Watching two athletes who don’t even speak the same language hug each other over swim lane dividers after a race when they are both out of breath…. I love it.

Dude’s a believer.

So I have been thinking about this Oscar Pistorius guy all day. They talked about his story before the race–How he was born without a fibula in both his legs, and when he was eleven months old, both his legs were amputated below the knee. They told a story about when he was a kid, his mom (whose name is Sheila) would tell him and his older brother Carl to go outside and play. She’d say, “Carl, get your shoes on” and “Oscar, get your legs on.” When they would go outside to play, his mother would tell him, “If your brother climbs a tree, you climb it too.” These words have been ringing in my ears all day long…. I think this might be one of the coolest sentences I’ve ever heard: “If your brother climbs a tree, you climb it too.” There is such a power in those words, spoken from a mother to a son. And now this kid is running in the Olympics. With the best athletes on the planet. And he has no legs…. So stinking awesome.

I realize I’m a sissy when it comes to crying, but if you can watch the video of this happening without tearing up, you are a robot.

Every year there is something from the Olympics that I take with me. It’s not who got which medal, or who set a world record, or even if the US beats China in medals (it’s tied 54-54 right now, by the way)–It’s always a story. Like Kerri Strug finishing that vault on one leg. Or like Derek Redmond, who hurt his leg and his dad ran along side of him, holding him up for the last 100 meters as he wept on his father’s shoulder. This year, the story I’m going to remember is not that some guy from South Africa ran in the 400 meters with prosthetic legs, or even his inspiring words: “You’re not disabled by the disabilities you have, you are able by the abilities you have.” This year, what I’m going to remember is that a mom (whose name I’ll forget) looked at her son, whose legs had been removed before his first birthday, and said, “If your brother climbs a tree, you climb it too.” And now that kid is an Olympian.

There is nothing I can’t do.

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Why The Lines At Chick-Fil-A Made Me Cry

Posted on August 2, 2012 by theboeskool

This whole Chick-Fil-A hullabaloo is so ridiculous. I really wanted nothing to do with it…. but then I went and drove by one today (the unofficial Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day)–in the middle of the afternoon–to see a person outside DIRECTING TRAFFIC so that the 60-70 cars waiting for chicken would know how to snake their cars around the building. And into the parking lot next door. Sigh….

Behold: The Biblical definition of the family unit. A man, a woman, and 2.6 kids.

When I heard all the hubbub over Dan Cathy’s comments about supporting “the Biblical definition of the family unit,” I didn’t really consider it that big of a deal. I was like, “Well, duh–A Southern Baptist billionaire believes gay marriage is wrong. Stop the presses.” Then, as seemingly everyone on Facebook took sides, I (somewhat uncharacteristically) stayed out of the fray (for the most part) and watched as people found yet another reason to be even more divided than they already were. I was really moved by THIS AWESOME LETTER to Dan Cathy that was written by Bert Montgomery (a contributor to Tony Campolo’s Red Letter Christians Blog) to remember to think of this in terms of loving our enemies. It’s inspiring to see someone love when you’d expect them to be angry or even hate–Almost as inspiring as it is frustrating when Christians just add to the dysfunctional noise that separates us while numbing our our senses. It is a noise that dissolves our idea of TRUTH into something as frivolous as opinion, and it wears down rational discourse until it just sounds like more noise.

Though, if you dip it in enough barbecue sauce, you can barely taste the homophobia.

So, like I said, I tried to stay out of it–I tried to keep from adding more noise–But seeing hundreds of people waiting for hours to “show their support” for Chick-Fil-A today…. It hurt something deep inside of me. I just imagined being a gay person driving by and seeing people lined up around the building to “show their support” for a person who owns a company who got some bad press because he came out of the closet (so to speak) as being against gay rights, and linked it directly to his faith in Jesus. And let’s be truthful–That is exactly what they were showing support for. This wasn’t about “supporting free speech.” It was about supporting speech that you agree with. None of the people waiting in line today would have been out there in Mr. Cathy had used his free speech to come out in support of marriage equality. It also wasn’t about “supporting religious freedom.” I guarantee you that none of the people shoving antibiotic-filled chicken into their mouths today were out in support of the local mosques people are trying to keep from being built (If someone can prove me wrong, let me know–I’ll buy you a chicken sandwich). This was a giant STAND UP IF YOU THINK THAT BEING GAY IS SINFUL, and the church turned out in droves.

I sure do love James Dobson. Boy, do I ever. I sure don’t agree with him on almost anything, but I sure do love him. And I certainly wouldn’t kick him in the nuts if I ever met him…. Love him.

And I understand thinking that way–It is what so many people have been taught since before they could speak. I was taught the same thing. It is understandable to be unsure about an issue like “What should Christians think about gay marriage?” But the issue over Chick-Fil-A is larger than that. They did more than just supply free food to a couple anti-gay marriage seminars, support provenly harmful “Pray the Gay Away” ministries, and donate money to Focus on the Family. They gave millions of dollars to lobbying groups that oppose legislation that would even give gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people equal workplace protections under the law–Groups like The Marriage & Family Foundation and even The Family Research Council (which the Southern Poverty Law Center has rightly designated as a hate group). It’s hard to say that you don’t discriminate against GLBT people when you give money to think tanks working to discriminate against GLBT people. This is something significant. If they were giving money to organizations attempting to limit the civil rights of people of color, that would be a big deal, right?

It makes sense. He did sing about the rainbow connection….

So, to act like there is nothing for people to be upset about is more than a little dismissive. It’s dishonest. It would be like a company saying that they got rid of Jim Henson toys because of safety concerns, when really they severed their relationship with you because they think you are run by bigots. But here I am, just making more noise again…. Dang it. It’s so easy to do.

Here is a serious question: What do people think they accomplished today by going to Chick-Fil-A? Same sex marriage is already illegal in our state. And it’s not like the gay folks in town didn’t already know you don’t approve. All that you did by going and “showing support for Chick-Fil-A” today was to drive an even bigger wedge between you and a people group that you genuinely believe are going to burn in hell unless they get saved. Is this your plan for “saving their souls?” Alienation? God, it makes me so, so sad. The lines were around the buildings…. And for what?!? Imagine if that many people took that kind of time and money and used it to try to love the people you think are heading to hell. Or taking those sandwiches to the homeless. Instead of putting some more money into the pocket of millionaires and billionaires. Imagine if the church was known for rational conversation and crazy love, instead of the opposite.

So I’m crying right now…. And I think it’s because I’m so sad for the Church. Sad that the world gets yet another example of equating Christians with bigotry and hypocrisy. Sad that it seems like most people can’t have something like a level-headed conversation with people who think differently than them. Sad that people would wait two hours for some chicken just so that everyone knows they think being gay is wrong. But mostly I’m sad that all this hate, as well as all of our dysfunctional noise, gets watched by a world full of people who are desperate for something true and good, and they put all of this garbage on Jesus. When really it’s all on us.

If I decide to boycott CFA and I get hungry for some food that is crappy for me, there’s always oreos.

So I don’t know if I’ll go back to Chick-Fil-A or not. There a lot of reasons to go back. I have gone there with my wife and my kids literally hundreds of times for their “Family Night.” It is awesome! I really do think it’s wonderful that they are closed on Sundays. I have friends who work there who are terrific people. We have even become friends with people we’ve met at Family night. I also love the way MSG tastes…. I don’t know. I didn’t boycott BP after the Gulf oil spill–I figured if anyone needs the money right now, it’s BP. I’m not a big boycotter. If people start boycotting every place that sends money to shitty lobbyists or opposing political parties, we had all better start growing some big gardens. The whole world could swear off Chick-Fil-A forever, and Dan Cathy would still make more money off of the interest in his bank account than I will probably make in my life. I don’t think it really matters….

I’m just really sad.

Posted in 1) Jesus, 2) Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 129 Comments

Guns For Christians Are Like Condoms For Nuns

Posted on July 30, 2012 by theboeskool

I’m sure there are a lot of reasons why I didn’t have sex in high school–Debilitating skinniness, lack of game, and relatively wholesome girlfriends, just to name a few–but the two main reasons I stayed as pure as the driven snow (more of an off white, really…. Maybe bone? We’ll call it beige) during my tenure at my small, Christian high school were as follows: Fear and Morality (which, coincidentally, at that time was mostly based on a fear of hell). Like most kids who grew up with my kind of upbringing, I had a sense of the inherent wrongness/sinfulness of pre-marital sex that was instilled in me from the time I could talk. But I also had a deep/healthy fear of getting a girl pregnant. I must have instinctively known the beefy pile of fertility I would one day grow into.  Well, Formerly fertile. I once sneezed in my wife’s direction and got her pregnant. At least I think that’s how it happened–we may have been naked at the time. Either way…. We got a baby out of the deal.

Like I’m going to trust a prophylactic that was sold out of a machine that also sold Polo cologne. Or one that glows in the dark….

And yeah, I know that condoms are usually a pretty good way to keep from getting pregnant, but buying condoms would have been me PLANNING on doing something I knew was wrong, and even I knew that was way worse (In the interest of full disclosure, I think I did buy one at a Hard Rock Cafe while on a mission trip to Chicago–Classic. I know–but I think it lasted about two weeks before I opened it to see what it looked like. They don’t last very long after that. Anyway, there was no way I would trust something as important as my paternity to something purchased in a bathroom). It felt like premeditation. It’s the difference between something serious like 1st degree murder and a harmless voluntary manslaughter charge. Plus I figured that if, as sometimes happens in the heat of passion, I started to care less about about the fear of hell, my fear of getting someone pregnant might kick in and save me from both hell AND teenage fatherhood.

I think that a Christian buying a gun “just in case” is like someone who has taken a vow of celibacy keeping a condom in their wallet…. Just in case.

Great. Now this is what I’m doing when I’m hungry for a chicken sandwich. Thanks a lot, Chick-Fil-A.

I know that most of the posts I have written so far about guns have been more “Politics” than “Jesus” or “Bathroom Humor,” but this one is going to be different. Within just over a week, I have watched as the story of the Colorado shooting has been moved from the top headlines by stories about political gaffes, Olympic hoopla, homophobic chickens, and stars wearing the same dress…. but I’m not ready to let it go.

Now, before everyone gets offended and leaves because of what I’m saying, here are some things I’m NOT saying:

  • I’m NOT saying that if you disagree with me, you’re not a Christian. And I’m CERTAINLY not saying anything about anyone going to hell.
  • I’m NOT saying guns are inherently evil, or that owning a gun is sinful. Owning guns for hunting or even sport shooting is not what I’m talking about here.
  • I’m NOT saying that whatever member of your family who is/was in the military or law enforcement is a bad person. Not even close.
  • I am NOT disregarding the Old Testament. The OT always points toward a king who would bring an end to killing.
  • I’m NOT saying that when facing evil, followers of Jesus are called to “do nothing.” There is a difference between pacifism and an active, loving non-violence.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I’m so dangerous.

Here is what I am saying: Followers of Jesus are clearly called to love their enemies. We are called to do good to those who hate us. Jesus says, “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that.” Paul writes to the Church in Rome and tells them, “Never repay evil fore evil” and to “be at peace with all men.” He instructs them “Do not be overcome by evil, but OVERCOME EVIL WITH GOOD.” One should never build a theology by cherry-picking verses, but this message of peace and non-violence is a clear and unmistakable message of Jesus Christ and the entire New Testament. And as it applies to guns and killing our enemies, the message of Jesus can certainly never be mistakenly interpreted as something even close to “Kill them before they kill you.”

I realize that there are many stories of violence from the old testament, but Jesus makes a clear distinction between the old way of doing things (“An eye for an eye” and “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.”) and a his new–A BETTER WAY–that says, “Do not resist an evil person” and “Love your enemy.” Besides, the sorts of war that are described in the Old Testament do not even come close to a modern idea of “just war” tactics. Much of the war described in the OT (to which people appeal as proof God allowing violence and killing by his people) was a “slaughter every man, woman, and child” sort of warfare. This seems like the furthest thing from The Prince of Peace, who calls us to love sacrificially. In any event, we are not called to follow Israel. We are called to follow Jesus.

Sure, Ben Franklin supposedly said, “Those who beat their swords into plowshares will end up plowing for those who did not.” But then again, Ben Franklin never claimed to be a follower of Jesus.

Even though these Old Testament stories can be confusing and disorienting (especially when trying to reconcile them with a Jesus who clearly and consistently calls the people who would follow him to love and not kill), things get a little less confusing when you realize that God’s vision for humanity has always been peace and the end of violence for his people. There is continuity there…. The prophet Isaiah speaks of a day when the nations “will hammer their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not lift up sword against nation, and never again will they learn war.” Zachariah looks forward to a king “mounted on a donkey. And I will cut off the chariot from Ephraim and the horse from Jerusalem, and the bow of war will be cut off. And He will speak peace to the nations.” Even at his birth, the angels declared, “Peace on Earth!” Why would it be surprising to us that Jesus would be the sort of king who tells us to put down our weapons and love in response to hate?

There is a story in Jan de Hartog’s “The Peaceable Kingdom” about a Quaker village in the early United States that was friends with the Native Americans living near them. When the men from a neighboring town set out to kill the Native Americans, the warriors of the tribe sent the women and children to the Quaker village because they didn’t know what else to do with them. The young Quaker men thought that the right thing to do was to abandon their vow of peace in order to protect the women and children, but the older members of the community stayed committed to non-violence. When the neighboring townspeople came after the Native Americans, they were met on the road and turned away by the young men of the village who had constructed a fake cannon to scare them away. The young men got on their horses and cheered as they rode back toward the village to tell the rest what they had done, but the village mistook their horses as the horses of the men coming to kill the women and children in their protection. The young men rode into the village to see the older generation standing in front of their door, hand in hand, standing lovingly between the enemy and the powerless. When the young men saw this, they realized that the ones who stayed in the town had made the better choice–If by “better,” you mean “more like Jesus.”

This guy just LOOKS like a coward.

And that’s just it. There is a better way, and we are called to pursue it. I have no idea whether God is disappointed when someone uses a gun to kill an attacker…. But I believe that the Jesus (as well as the entirety of the Bible) tells us there is a better reaction. Some reactions are better than others: In the face of evil, it is better to react violently and bravely than to react passively out of cowardice. Gandhi said “It is better to violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence. ” I think this is true. But if what we are truly seeking is to be more and more like Jesus, we must admit that Jesus leaves no place in The Kingdom of God for us taking vengeance into our own hands.

I am not trying to judge anyone who uses violence or weapons to protect a loved one–I could very easily see myself reacting with some serious violence if I was afraid for my wife or kids. Violence is a natural reaction to being afraid, but perfect love casts out fear. Here is something to consider: If your reaction looks like the world’s reaction, it almost certainly isn’t the reaction Jesus desires for his Church. If you have taken a vow of celibacy, you wouldn’t keep condoms next to your bed just in case someone sneaks into your bedroom and turns you on; Neither would a person who has vowed his life to Jesus keep a gun next to his bed just in case he feels justified in killing an enemy he is clearly called to love. We are called to love sacrificially, just like a guy “who made himself nothing” and “humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.” It is unnatural. It is selfless. It is strong. It is wildly loving. And it is better.

And this selfless, humble, brave, non-violent, unnatural love should be the goal and longing of everyone who would call themselves a follower of Jesus, even when you are as bad at actually doing it as I am.

When the other disciples saw what was about to happen, they exclaimed, “Lord, should we fight? We brought the swords!” And one of them struck at the high priest’s slave, slashing off his right ear. But Jesus said, “No more of this.” And he touched the man’s ear and healed him.

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